Articles

Successful Marriages Are Those That…

Successful Marriages Are Those That…

This is a topic that I could write a great many things about and make many points. However, I choose to focus on a few points that I have found are very important. John Gottman is understood to be the world's leading expert in marriage and marital research from the University of Washington. For decades he and his research team have been studying couples in his "Love Lab": his research facility to video tape, record, and track and code behavioral interactions between couples. With this

2017-05-07 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation
Fitting in at the Singles Ward

Fitting in at the Singles Ward

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A singles ward is by definition, a different kind of a ward. Devoid of crying babies and young children, a singles ward is theoretically set up to do two things: 1) provide a greater opportunity for single and active LDS members to meet, socialize, date, and hopefully marry, and 2) for those who feel more comfortable around fellow singles, provide a church experience to preserve their activity (which

2017-05-01 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
Grieving the Loss of a Relationship

Grieving the Loss of a Relationship

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the hardest elements of the LDS singles dating journey is heartache and heartbreak. The feeling of hurt and letdown when either a promising dating prospect falls apart, you discover something about the other than leads you to feel the need to break up with them, or you are dating and they break up with you. At the core of all of these painful scenarios is a mixture of frustration, hurt

2017-04-23 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships
How to Be More Attractive

How to Be More Attractive

Single? LDS? Wanting to attract more dating partners, hopefully, eventually a future spouse? Then the truth is that you will attract others more if you work on being more…attractive. I know it sounds obvious. However, a good number of singles have grown lax, even lazy with their efforts to be attractive, yet they wonder why they have few if any dates. Being attractive matters. It provides many more initial opportunities. So, how does a person "become more attractive"? Here are a few ideas.

2017-04-17 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Health and fitness
Don't Put Your Happiness on Hold

Don't Put Your Happiness on Hold

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Being single in the LDS community can be a lot of things. Hopefully, happy and enjoyable is what you will make it. Is everyone supposed to get married at some point? Yes, basically. However, until that occurs, what life will you lead and what kind of quality of life will you possess until that point? That is mainly up to you. In my psychotherapy office, I commonly have seen many mid singles share

2017-04-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships
The Single Friends You Choose

The Single Friends You Choose

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In the LDS Singles world, it can take months, years, even decades before you find a partner to marry. In the process, sometimes you will have someone you are dating, other times you will not. Along the journey, having and enjoying fellow single friends--usually of the same sex--is an important resource and support. Not only do friends provide needed companionship, support, validation, and connection

2017-03-26 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Marrying Your Best Friend

Marrying Your Best Friend

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) What makes for a good selection in a mate and eternal spouse? Is it someone that you feel an enormously infatuated with? Someone you think about all day long and can't stand being without? Someone that excites and stimulates you? Someone that gives goosebumps and a fastly beating heart? Someone that entices you to be physically affectionate with? Perhaps someone who is very fun, exciting, and

2017-03-19 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation, Communication
Battling the Grass is Greener Attitude in Dating

Battling the Grass is Greener Attitude in Dating

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Dating in the LDS singles community is influenced by a number of avenues that can lead to a "you're good, but I can do better" attitude. And where does this "grass is greener" attitude come from? Several possible areas. We are all bombarded with ideas of what more and what better we supposedly can have and deserve from numerous sources in life. Some of this challenge comes in the ideal, slick

2017-03-13 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Bonding Acting Together

Bonding Acting Together

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) I've heard it said as a psychologist that a relationships is like a living organism that, if you aren't careful, can die in a couple of possible ways. Either the relationship can be killed through conflict, fighting, resentment, and contention, or it can starve and wither away from a lack of bonding activities together: hobbies, affection, and doing things done together as a couple. Therefore

2017-03-05 Shawn Gordon Healthy relationships
Control and Decision Making in Relationships

Control and Decision Making in Relationships

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Whether dating, engaged, or married, every relationship has one partner that tends to "wear the pants". This old fashion term relates to whomever tends to make most of the major and big decisions in the relationship, as well as whatever small decisions matter to the partner in charge. Wearing the pants in the relationship was traditionally a term related to men, since women used to only wear skirts

2017-02-27 Randy Gilchrist
Forgiveness in Relationships

Forgiveness in Relationships

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In any casual, dating, or married relationship, offenses will come. Whether intentional or unintentional, eventually our partner will hurt us and offend us. At other times, we will offend them. Some of these offenses come from gender differences, different values, principles, or priorities, selfishness, insensitivity, and so on. At other times, neither side is necessarily right or wrong, but certain

2017-02-20 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Communication, Conflict resolution
How to Engage in Small Talk

How to Engage in Small Talk

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the biggest challenges I have heard from LDS singles (and the singles community in general) revolve around small talk. Chatting with a new or prospective partner before, during, or after a date can sometimes be very challenging. Knowing what to say, how to say it, and what not to say can be very difficult for some. Awkward pauses, awkward silence, nervous laughter, rambling, offending the

2017-02-13 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Universal Beauty Indicators

Universal Beauty Indicators

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A famous scripture from the old testament reads as follows: "…the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (I Samuel 16:7). So, if the man (and the woman) "looketh on the outward appearance", is that wrong? I don't think so. We are built this way for a reason. Physical attraction between men and women is an instinctive trait designed

2017-02-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Hormones or the Spirit?

Hormones or the Spirit?

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the most challenging decisions we will ever make as LDS members is who to marry, when, and where. All of those decisions matter, and all of these decisions can be influences from a number of sources. Two of the stronger and more influential sources of influence come in the form of hormones and the Spirit, also known as the influence of the Holy Ghost. Sometimes the two sources of influence

2017-01-30 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation, Spirituality
When Will I Get Married?

When Will I Get Married?

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Commonly in the LDS singles community, people desire to be married for many years or decades--but may not for a variety of reasons. Often marriage seems delayed. Some have never been married, others are divorced or widowed. Many if not most LDS singles would like to be married but they are often scared. While some fear possible rejection and failure, others suffer from social anxiety and the overall

2017-01-23 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation
LDS Singles and The Law of Chastity

LDS Singles and The Law of Chastity

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A common difficulty for LDS singles is the challenge to stay morally clean and to obey the law of chastity. The law of chastity for fellow members of the church, whether married or single, is the same. The lds.org section on chastity spells out the requirements pretty clearly: "Physical intimacy…God has commanded that this sacred power be expressed only between a man and a woman who are legally

2017-01-15 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation