Narcissism and CodependencyIn previous articles, I introduced and talked about the concepts of narcissism. (See: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/narcissists-what-to-watch-for-97/ and codependency https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/codependency-maybe-its-you-101/). In sum, a narcissistic person lacks empathy and is selfish, self-absorbed, and often disrespectful and abusive to others. A codependent person is generally overly giving, very accommodating, and others oriented to an extreme degree, putting them at
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Being Proactive in the Relationship SearchDifferent opinions exist in our church culture as to the degree to which The Lord has a hand in relationships. Some say he will directly deliver a dating partner to the righteous who ask, while others say the person needs to seek and work hard to find their significant other and it is mostly on the individual. The truth may lie somewhere in between. While it is true that the Lord blesses the righteous and answers prayers, it seems he generally expects us to do whatever we can reasonably do from
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Is it the Spirit or Infatuation?Being attracted to one another is a good indicator of a positive future sex life in marriage. Therefore, such infatuation feelings can be useful and helpful. However, infatuation needs to not be the main emphasis in the relationship because it isn’t enough. Relationships need more. Instead, when a spiritual emphasis primarily exists with a couple instead, the future prospects of an eternal relationship are much more positive. However, this can be especially difficult to determine and
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New Years ResolutionsWith most of 2022 ahead of us, this is an opportunity to make some new resolutions to live in a better, healthier, happier way in certain ways. Each new year brings with it new opportunities and a clean slate. I enjoy this clip from the movie Forrest Gump. As the ball is dropping in New Year’s Eve a woman with Forrest and Lieutenant Dan says in a thick New York accent, “I love New Years. Everyone gets a chance to start over”. True. Everything is possible, and the control and power is ours to
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Staying ActiveIn a previous article, I mentioned that the activity rate for singles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is approximately 20% for the men and 30% for the women (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/why-the-high-inactivity-rate-for-men-193/). These numbers are much lower than the approximately 50% activity rate for members in general. Being considered “active” according to my ward clerk is defined as attending sacrament meeting at least once a month. So why is it so much
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Dealing with the Fear of RejectionNo one likes rejection. At least, no one I’ve ever known. Part of the challenge is how it can be taken so personally. When a person has their dating hopes with another rejected, it can be tough to get over. Often, such social rejection can be taken as a complete rejection of the person someone is, even though this is generally not the case. These fears can lead to not only fewer dates and dating efforts, but also avoidance of others in general at church, work, and most any social setting. When
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President George Albert Smith Quotesn the past I have written articles reviewing quotes from particularly helpful general authorities with relevant ideas for singles. These articles have included quotes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/elder-jeffrey-r-holland-quotes-247/) and Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/elder-uchtdorf-quotes-237/), as well one on the excellent “personal creed” of President George Albert Smith
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Why Marriage Today?There has perhaps never been as much pressure on the institution of marriage than there is today. Between negative attitudes and messages from the media, academia, research statistics, and society in general, marriage is under fire. Guys often hear the message today that marriage is legally and financially risky, with family court decisions tending to lean more towards favoring women. Many men today are worried about the overall risks and wonder is it if worth it. Women, on the other hand, have
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Being Hopeful in Single LifeThere are several ways to be single. You can be a person who has never been married. You can have had one or more divorces. Or you can be a widow/widower. Whatever your particular circumstance, most adult members of the church will be single at some point of their lives. The church recently revealed that for the first time ever, more adult church members are single than married—just over 50%. An April, 2021 Deseret News article stated the following: “…The majority of adult church members are
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Giving Honey and Not VinegarThere is a classic old saying, “you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar”. In other words, you will be more attractive to others and get further with others with a positive approach versus a negative one. So why do so many people show negativity with others in the dating and relationship world? Several possible reasons. Perhaps negativity, conflict, and contention was common in the family atmosphere they grew up with. Perhaps friends have given them bad relationship advice. Perhaps
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Alarming Worldly TrendsIn the New Testament, Christ tells his disciples to be “in the world” but not “of the world (John 19:14-16). That has become especially difficult today, but it’s not impossible. In the latter days, many troublesome times were prophesied of that we are now living in and seeing the fulfillment of: Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their
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Attractors with Men: Unwritten Forces at WorkMen. We are pretty simple creatures for the most part. We may or may not be “easy” to deal with, depending on our personality and whatever other issues we may have. But otherwise, we are usually pretty simple. This especially involves what we are attracted to with women. From my experience both as a man and as a therapist seeing these forces at work, there are a few (3) key things that tend to find especially attractive with women. To understand these traits will help women know why they are or
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Attractors with Women: Unwritten Forces at WorkWe are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. That common factor is what leads you to be reading this article at this time. As great as our church is, there are some natural, inherent challenges. In last week’s article I reviewed some common mixed messages that we have to navigate as active members trying to have it all and be it all. In this week’s article, it is not so much that a mixed message is given on this subject, but an incomplete message. In essence what I have
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Mixed Messages from Church?One thing I used to be rather bothered by as a single member: some mixed messages I noticed hearing in my wards, in general conference, etc. Over time and with additional life experience and wisdom, I have come to learn that mixed messages and contradictions given at church simply indicate the need to balance multiple issues, needs, and priorities at the same time. None will be done perfectly. Most of these contradictions involve careers, money, debt, and working versus other family and church
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Going Back to the Temple: Addressing and Eliminating ExcusesAs a single member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it would be well worth your while to have a current temple recommend and regularly attend to the temple. Regular temple attendance would bless you with having the Spirit more often, which will help you be happy now and prepare you spiritually for your future marriage. Temple attendance will also help ease your emotional pains and scars from the past. Finally, going to the temple regularly will remind you of the eternal
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Being A Commitment-Oriented PersonIn the 2020s with both members and non-members of the church alike, commitment in relationships and marriage has become weak and strained. And harder to find and maintain than previous generations. While there are numerous societal shifts and factors that have contributed to this development, a primary contributor to this problem is technology and the immediate gratification that comes from it. With Facebook, Instagram, Match, Tinder, You Tube, Tik Tok, online gaming, etc., people and
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