Articles

Looks and Money—How Important?

Looks and Money—How Important?

We learned in the Bible the following regarding looks: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”—I Samuel 16:7. In addition, we also learn the following regarding money: “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through

2022-03-20 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Depression and Dating

Depression and Dating

Depression can have a negative effect on efforts to date. And then when dating efforts don’t work out as hoped, feelings of depression can follow, as well loneliness and despair. It can be a vicious cycle. Furthermore, when depressed, people tend to not give off the positive energy generally required to attract and develop a healthy relationship. Either the depressive energy will repel people away or even worse, it may attract an unhealthy and predatory individual. In any event, depression does

2022-03-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
Dating Today

Dating Today

Dating today has often been called “dead”. Many frustrated singles have given up on dating altogether, or at least take breaks for long periods of time. Others prefer instead to “hang out” or “hook up” (and be physical/sexual) without dating or having a relationship in any formal way. In the 2020s and beyond, with the world of social media, online dating, and other technological advances, we have been accustomed to immediate gratification, quick fixes, and the illusion that we can always do

2022-03-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Successful Vacations Together

Successful Vacations Together

Why write an article on going on successful vacations together for the singles community? Because when you get married (or married again), vacations will be an important part of your lives together. As you know, some vacations are wonderful, positive experiences together, whereas others can be described as “disasters”. What makes for a positive, successful trip/vacation together? This article will review several useful tips, tools, and suggestions to do so. Traveling together really can reveal

2022-02-28 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication, Conflict resolution
Following Through with a Breakup

Following Through with a Breakup

One of the most difficult challenges in dating is 1) knowing when to cut off a relationship and break it off, and then more importantly, 2) actually following through with the breakup and not going back. Why is this so difficult? Why is it so hard to break up and stay broken up with an unhealthy relationship? From my experience and understanding, it is usually because of some kind of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, and/or fear of not being able to find another relationship. Such

2022-02-19 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Conflict resolution
Developing Empathy

Developing Empathy

In an earlier article, I discussed empathy, gave a few ideas on how to overcome selfishness (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/overcoming-selfishness-254/). As a compliment and an extension of that article, I wanted to focus on empathy, as well as add some extra ideas on how to develop it. From an article in Psychology Today magazine, empathy is described as follows: “Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person, animal, or

2022-02-12 Randy Gilchrist Communication
When Will I Find Someone?

When Will I Find Someone?

A common question I hear in both my therapy office and elsewhere from singles is, “when will I meet someone?” The answer: in 3 weeks, 3 hours, and 3 minutes from now. No really, how could I or anyone know? Some will meet their future spouse soon, some will be years from now, others will get together with their eternal companion on the other side in the next life. Even though there is no way to answer the question of exactly when it will happen, there are certain things you can do to increase

2022-02-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Narcissism and Codependency

Narcissism and Codependency

In previous articles, I introduced and talked about the concepts of narcissism. (See: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/narcissists-what-to-watch-for-97/ and codependency https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/codependency-maybe-its-you-101/). In sum, a narcissistic person lacks empathy and is selfish, self-absorbed, and often disrespectful and abusive to others. A codependent person is generally overly giving, very accommodating, and others oriented to an extreme degree, putting them at

2022-01-31 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Communication
Being Proactive in the Relationship Search

Being Proactive in the Relationship Search

Different opinions exist in our church culture as to the degree to which The Lord has a hand in relationships. Some say he will directly deliver a dating partner to the righteous who ask, while others say the person needs to seek and work hard to find their significant other and it is mostly on the individual. The truth may lie somewhere in between. While it is true that the Lord blesses the righteous and answers prayers, it seems he generally expects us to do whatever we can reasonably do from

2022-01-24 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Is it the Spirit or Infatuation?

Is it the Spirit or Infatuation?

Being attracted to one another is a good indicator of a positive future sex life in marriage. Therefore, such infatuation feelings can be useful and helpful. However, infatuation needs to not be the main emphasis in the relationship because it isn’t enough. Relationships need more. Instead, when a spiritual emphasis primarily exists with a couple instead, the future prospects of an eternal relationship are much more positive. However, this can be especially difficult to determine and

2022-01-17 Randy Gilchrist Dating
New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

With most of 2022 ahead of us, this is an opportunity to make some new resolutions to live in a better, healthier, happier way in certain ways. Each new year brings with it new opportunities and a clean slate. I enjoy this clip from the movie Forrest Gump. As the ball is dropping in New Year’s Eve a woman with Forrest and Lieutenant Dan says in a thick New York accent, “I love New Years. Everyone gets a chance to start over”. True. Everything is possible, and the control and power is ours to

2022-01-09 Randy Gilchrist Health and fitness
Staying Active

Staying Active

In a previous article, I mentioned that the activity rate for singles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is approximately 20% for the men and 30% for the women (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/why-the-high-inactivity-rate-for-men-193/). These numbers are much lower than the approximately 50% activity rate for members in general. Being considered “active” according to my ward clerk is defined as attending sacrament meeting at least once a month. So why is it so much

2022-01-01 Randy Gilchrist Spirituality
Dealing with the Fear of Rejection

Dealing with the Fear of Rejection

No one likes rejection. At least, no one I’ve ever known. Part of the challenge is how it can be taken so personally. When a person has their dating hopes with another rejected, it can be tough to get over. Often, such social rejection can be taken as a complete rejection of the person someone is, even though this is generally not the case. These fears can lead to not only fewer dates and dating efforts, but also avoidance of others in general at church, work, and most any social setting. When

2021-12-18 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
President George Albert Smith Quotes

President George Albert Smith Quotes

n the past I have written articles reviewing quotes from particularly helpful general authorities with relevant ideas for singles. These articles have included quotes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/elder-jeffrey-r-holland-quotes-247/) and Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/elder-uchtdorf-quotes-237/), as well one on the excellent “personal creed” of President George Albert Smith

2021-12-13 Randy Gilchrist Spirituality
Why Marriage Today?

Why Marriage Today?

There has perhaps never been as much pressure on the institution of marriage than there is today. Between negative attitudes and messages from the media, academia, research statistics, and society in general, marriage is under fire. Guys often hear the message today that marriage is legally and financially risky, with family court decisions tending to lean more towards favoring women. Many men today are worried about the overall risks and wonder is it if worth it. Women, on the other hand, have

2021-12-04 Randy Gilchrist Marriage preparation
Being Hopeful in Single Life

Being Hopeful in Single Life

There are several ways to be single. You can be a person who has never been married. You can have had one or more divorces. Or you can be a widow/widower. Whatever your particular circumstance, most adult members of the church will be single at some point of their lives. The church recently revealed that for the first time ever, more adult church members are single than married—just over 50%. An April, 2021 Deseret News article stated the following: “…The majority of adult church members are

2021-11-28 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation