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Deal BreakersAs you are dating and getting to know someone, there are positive things you are hoping are there with the other, and there are other negative things you hope are not there with them. “Deal breakers” can be thought of as certain negative attributes possessed by the other person to a degree that leads you decide this will not be your future spouse. Some deal breakers are bad enough to conclude right there are then to stop dating the other person immediately. What exactly constitutes a deal
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To Move or Not to Move?One tough reality for today’s single church members with dating: do they choose to move to an area with better dating opportunities or do they stay put and do the best they can where they are? The answer to this question is completely arbitrary and up to you. However, this article will review some possible challenges to moving that need to be overcome to hopefully help with your decision. The fact is that some areas have many more single members than others—namely the bigger metros in Utah
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Cheating: To End or Continue the Relationship?Infidelity in a marriage. If this happens to you in a future marriage, would you end the marriage or try to work it out and stay together? The short answer is, it’s up to you. It is optional. You don’t need to keep trying, but it is understandable if you did divorce and end things. It is a judgment call and it depends on the circumstances and the people involved. This can be a very tough decision to make. The ideas in this article relate to being cheated on in a marriage, but the basic ideas
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Staying Power in a RelationshipRelationships have 2 basic phases. In the first phase, relationships are new, exciting, and exhilarating. Often, partners become very infatuated, even obsessed with the other. Hence, this phase is often called the “infatuation phase”. Time together is often intoxicating, and time away is spent longing to be together once more as soon as possible. This stimulating phase often lasts anywhere from 6-12 months, sometimes less, sometimes more. Rarely does this phase last longer than about 2 years.
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Why So Much Fakeness and Phoniness with Fellow Church Members?One fascinating observation I noticed when working as a new intern therapist going to Utah State’s Marriage & Family Therapy program in 1996-1998, as well as when I worked at LDS Family Services in 1999-2004 in San Diego was this: while getting to speak to fellow church members behind closed doors in therapy in a confidential setting, I learned what REALLY is going on in their lives. Not the perky good member image given on Sundays or at church activities. Not the wholesome seeming individual
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Don’t Be a DownerIn the early 2000s, Saturday Night Live ran a sketch starring Rachel Dratch as “Debbie Downer”. Each sketch basically had the same arrangement: a collection of people were gathered together for a fun, special occasion, such as going to Disney World, a Thanksgiving dinner, a wedding reception, etc. While everyone else is working to have a good time, Debbie still manages to take every positive thing going on and find the negative in it. It wears very thin, very quickly with everyone else. By the
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Hypnosis as a Self-Help ResourceHypnosis can be a useful therapeutic resource to promote change, improvement, and goal achievement. It can be a great way to work on any particular area you know you could spend some time working on. With most issues, cares, concerns, challenges, or problems you have struggled with and know you need improvement with, personally and relationally. When used for therapeutic purposes, clinical hypnosis, our church is OK with hypnosis to promote improvement (as opposed to stage hypnosis, which our
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Keeping an Eternal Perspective on MarriageIn our lives as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have often been told that we need to “keep an eternal perspective on things”. But what does “keeping an eternal perspective” mean? It means thinking of and approaching every notable circumstance/decision in this life with a consideration of how our approach to it will matter one way or the other both now and in the next life. In the eternities. After the days of our mortal existence have ended. The idea and hope is
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Why We Pick Who We PickThere is a lot of pressure regarding who we pick to marry as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Not only do we have a very marriage and family centered church, but temple marriages are, ideally, supposed to last forever when we are sealed together. In fact, a famous quote by Elder Bruce R. McConkie states the following: “The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right
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April 2021General Conference: Guidance for SinglesEvery April and October, we members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints enjoy the immense benefits of general conference. We get to enjoy the guidance, direction, and instruction from the main prophet/president of the church, as well as other prophets, apostles, and inspired leaders. This represents the latest, most relevant inspiration for the members of the church. The will of the Lord is mainly shared through his prophets. We learn from Amos 3:7 that “…Surely the Lord God will
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Overcoming SelfishnessTo be “selfish” is to be overly focused on one’s own wants, needs, feelings, and desires, regardless of how such actions or attitudes may harm or effect another. To be selfish is to do what we feel like doing and not doing what we don’t feel like doing—without consideration for other people taken into account. Therefore, it is no surprise that selfishness erodes and can eventually destroy relationships and marriages. President Gordon B. Hinkley has emphasized fidelity in marriage and well as
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The Psychology of Color in Fashion ChoiceWhen going out on a date, the fashion choice you select sends multiple messages to the other person. One message comes from the color of clothing you wear. Different color choices convey different meanings, set different moods, or create different impressions. In this article, a brief review will be given of the different messages sent out by different colors in the outfits you may choose to wear. Now, the colors you wear probably won’t be as important as, say, how you communicate with the
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Temptations to Warn OthersSome people have an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that was very troublesome in their past relationship together. Perhaps they were cheaters. Maybe the were physically, emotionally, and/or psychologically abusive. They may have been neglectful or even possessed a personality disorder. Many exes are exes for a reason: because they have notable problems that led to or at least contributed to the demise of your previous relationship together. However that relationship ended, perhaps you can
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Low Libido?As you know, single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are expected to keep the law of chastity, which basically states that we need to reserve sexual expression within the confines of marriage only. And with the “do you keep the law of chastity?” question as a part of the temple recommend, we are regularly reminded of the importance to reserve sexual expression for marriage. OK. But at the same time, what about your sexual libido? It is understandable for your libido as
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Castaway: A Complete Grieving ProcessOne of the reasons I sometimes suggest that my clients watch the 2000 movie Castaway is because it is the best movie I’ve seen showing a complete grieving process from beginning to end. Tom Hanks plays “Chuck Noland’, a man who survives a plane crash and ends up on an island by himself, trying to survive and escape. This can make for a good illustration for those still grieving their last relationship and help them see how the process progresses and ends. Also, seeing this comprehensive
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A Naturally Excellent WomanOver the years, clients have occasionally asked me who they think represents an ideal woman in the movies. Women have also sometimes asked me who I think an ideal woman is to strive to be like in a relationship and who represents the ideal. Men have also sometimes asked if an ideal woman exists in the movies as well to help them know what to look for and who to choose. I have thought about it and out of all of the women I have seen in the movies, one woman to me represents the ideal woman, wife
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