Giving Honey and Not Vinegar

Giving Honey and Not Vinegar There is a classic old saying, “you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar”. In other words, you will be more attractive to others and get further with others with a positive approach versus a negative one. So why do so many people show negativity with others in the dating and relationship world? Several possible reasons. Perhaps negativity, conflict, and contention was common in the family atmosphere they grew up with. Perhaps friends have given them bad relationship advice. Perhaps people bring their previous pains and issues into their new relationships, based on their own self-protective defenses to try to lessen the risk of being hurt. Whatever the background reasons for the negative approach to others, negativity makes for a poor attractor to the opposite sex. It also wears thin very quickly when spending time together. In this article, several possible suggestions will be given to show a more “honey” (positive, attractive) side in your dating and relationship approach.

“Honey” Approaches:

Tone of Voice: An essential element of a positive, attractive approach with the opposite sex involves tone of voice. A tone that sounds warm, inviting, friendly, and positive will go a long way to attract the opposite sex. Conversely, a cold, hostile, aloof, or defensive tone of voice will come across as negative, closed, and repelling.

Body language: Many people don’t consider the importance of their body language when around the oppositive sex. An open, non-threatening stance involves keeping arms open, having an upright posture, and facing others you are open to interacting with. Together, this shows a positive body language. On the other hand, turning away from others, crossing arms, slouching, and other negative body postures send a message of being closed and unapproachable.

Facial Expressions: When you smile and show a positive, inviting, friendly facial expression, you send an inviting message to others to interact. Having a facial expression that shows confidence and esteem is also a plus. Instead, if your facial expression seems distant, uninterested, bored, defensive, angry, or otherwise negative, you will also come across as uninterested and unapproachable.

Positive Language and Focuses of Conversation: If the choices of words and statements you use are mostly positive, optimistic, and hopeful, you will definitely come across as more attractive. Be aware of the subject matters you talk to others about as well. Are the focuses on positive topics, or do you instead bring up negative, gloom and doom topics? If your words, statements, and conversation subject matter in your conversations are mostly of a positive focus, you will attract. Conversely, negative focuses and content repels. Who wants to be around a Debbie or Doug Downer?

Joking and Flirting: Good natured, fun, funny jokes and flirting is another way to show an attractive “honey” side to yourself. Not taking life so seriously is a positive approach. You are showing the opposite sex that you are not easily rattled and can roll with the punches of life. It also shows you like to have a fun time and are enjoyable to be around. Conversely, a serious or grumpy person is repelling. A person who has no sense of humor and who doesn’t know how to flirt will also come across as boring or repelling.

Questions and Positive Small Talk: A very positive and enjoyable attribute of attractive people is when they ask about and take an active interest in the other person. Small talk questions that show an interest in the other person and their life also attracts. It shows the person isn’t only into themselves and truly takes an interest in other people.

Laughter: People who frequently laugh not only show their sense of humor, but also show they choose to find the humor in life and the different situations they find themselves in. A person who laughs often makes this contagious to others. And when everyone is laughing together, everyone has a better time. On the other hand, the serious person who doesn’t laugh…is generally a downer. Does that sound like a fun person to be around? No.

Final Thoughts:

Attraction strategies matter. Approaches matter. First impressions matter. How you present yourself will go a long way to determine whether someone gives you a chance or not. And whether you will come across as attractive and approachable or not. In another metaphor, if you come across like a loving, cuddly dog or cat, that will work out much better for you than coming across like a porcupine or skunk. Please have self-awareness of these issues. Please improve yourself and cultivate a great “honey” approach with the opposite sex, while at the same time minimizing your “vinegar” side. You will enjoy greater success in dating, relationships, and with all people you interact with. And remember, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.

Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at

2021-11-21 Randy Gilchrist Communication

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About the author

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (, practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at; email me questions to