Articles

Staying Close and Connected

Staying Close and Connected

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating In dating and marriage, the honeymoon phase of infatuation will help carry a relationship from the beginning for a number of months or even a year or two. However, even the most exciting, stimulating relationship will eventually calm down, cool off, and become—gasp—mundane. No escaping it. Nothing will be new and stay new forever. Impossible. As the initial powerful butterflies calm down, a more companionate

2021-08-01 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Elements of Happiness

Elements of Happiness

One of the best things you can do to prepare for your next relationship is to learn to be happier. The happier you can become, the better. Being happy is attractive, shows security, and will help a future relationship successfully get off the ground running and nurture it from there. Of course, being happier is also important for your overall quality of life as well. Therefore, becoming happier is an excellent goal for many reasons. Elements of Happiness: In the classic book, The 7 Habits of

2021-07-25 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
A Problematic Message to Women

A Problematic Message to Women

There is a You Tube channel called “Better Bachelor” (https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=better+bachelor). On this video channel, a guy nicknamed “Joker” talks about the various challenges of dating, marriage, and relationships today from the rarely given perspective of men. This channel may be more slanted or edgy than some would care for, so know that if you choose to watch any of these videos. However, some important messages are often shared on these videos that have caught my

2021-07-18 Shawn Gordon Healthy relationships, Psychological health
The Main Thing Women Want

The Main Thing Women Want

In one of my first articles for LDS Dimension/LDS Dating, I wrote an article titled, “What Women Want” (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-women-want-2/). This information and these ideas were based upon a combination of my training, education, and clinical experience as a psychologist with women, men, and couples. I’m sure my own personal experiences added to these ideas as well. In that original article, I stated that the main thing women want and need in a relationship—in my

2021-07-11 Shawn Gordon Understanding women
Different Wiring

Different Wiring

Men and women have different brains, and because of this, tend to have different ways to act and react across many different situations and circumstances. To give you a crash course on this subject, I recommend Mark Gungor. He is a speaker and author who reviews and focuses on the often funny and interesting differences between male and female brains. These differences account for so much of the differences between men and women across the board. As a crash course on the subject, you can view

2021-07-05 Randy Gilchrist Communication
Choosing to Not Be Offended?

Choosing to Not Be Offended?

Some words that ruffled more than a few feathers among church members came from the October 2006 general conference talk entitled, “And Nothing Shall Offended” by Elder David Bednar (see: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng). In short, Elder Bednar shares the idea that we ultimately choose to be offended by another and that hence, we can choose not to be offended. Even more so, he recommends that we should choose to not be

2021-06-28 Randy Gilchrist Communication
Deal Breakers

Deal Breakers

As you are dating and getting to know someone, there are positive things you are hoping are there with the other, and there are other negative things you hope are not there with them. “Deal breakers” can be thought of as certain negative attributes possessed by the other person to a degree that leads you decide this will not be your future spouse. Some deal breakers are bad enough to conclude right there are then to stop dating the other person immediately. What exactly constitutes a deal

2021-06-21 Randy Gilchrist
To Move or Not to Move?

To Move or Not to Move?

One tough reality for today’s single church members with dating: do they choose to move to an area with better dating opportunities or do they stay put and do the best they can where they are? The answer to this question is completely arbitrary and up to you. However, this article will review some possible challenges to moving that need to be overcome to hopefully help with your decision. The fact is that some areas have many more single members than others—namely the bigger metros in Utah

2021-06-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation
Cheating: To End or Continue the Relationship?

Cheating: To End or Continue the Relationship?

Infidelity in a marriage. If this happens to you in a future marriage, would you end the marriage or try to work it out and stay together? The short answer is, it’s up to you. It is optional. You don’t need to keep trying, but it is understandable if you did divorce and end things. It is a judgment call and it depends on the circumstances and the people involved. This can be a very tough decision to make. The ideas in this article relate to being cheated on in a marriage, but the basic ideas

2021-06-06 Randy Gilchrist Conflict resolution
Staying Power in a Relationship

Staying Power in a Relationship

Relationships have 2 basic phases. In the first phase, relationships are new, exciting, and exhilarating. Often, partners become very infatuated, even obsessed with the other. Hence, this phase is often called the “infatuation phase”. Time together is often intoxicating, and time away is spent longing to be together once more as soon as possible. This stimulating phase often lasts anywhere from 6-12 months, sometimes less, sometimes more. Rarely does this phase last longer than about 2 years.

2021-05-30 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation, Communication
Why So Much Fakeness and Phoniness  with Fellow Church Members?

Why So Much Fakeness and Phoniness with Fellow Church Members?

One fascinating observation I noticed when working as a new intern therapist going to Utah State’s Marriage & Family Therapy program in 1996-1998, as well as when I worked at LDS Family Services in 1999-2004 in San Diego was this: while getting to speak to fellow church members behind closed doors in therapy in a confidential setting, I learned what REALLY is going on in their lives. Not the perky good member image given on Sundays or at church activities. Not the wholesome seeming individual

2021-05-24 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Don’t Be a Downer

Don’t Be a Downer

In the early 2000s, Saturday Night Live ran a sketch starring Rachel Dratch as “Debbie Downer”. Each sketch basically had the same arrangement: a collection of people were gathered together for a fun, special occasion, such as going to Disney World, a Thanksgiving dinner, a wedding reception, etc. While everyone else is working to have a good time, Debbie still manages to take every positive thing going on and find the negative in it. It wears very thin, very quickly with everyone else. By the

2021-05-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Hypnosis as a Self-Help Resource

Hypnosis as a Self-Help Resource

Hypnosis can be a useful therapeutic resource to promote change, improvement, and goal achievement. It can be a great way to work on any particular area you know you could spend some time working on. With most issues, cares, concerns, challenges, or problems you have struggled with and know you need improvement with, personally and relationally. When used for therapeutic purposes, clinical hypnosis, our church is OK with hypnosis to promote improvement (as opposed to stage hypnosis, which our

2021-05-02 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Keeping an Eternal Perspective on Marriage

Keeping an Eternal Perspective on Marriage

In our lives as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have often been told that we need to “keep an eternal perspective on things”. But what does “keeping an eternal perspective” mean? It means thinking of and approaching every notable circumstance/decision in this life with a consideration of how our approach to it will matter one way or the other both now and in the next life. In the eternities. After the days of our mortal existence have ended. The idea and hope is

2021-04-25 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality
Why We Pick Who We Pick

Why We Pick Who We Pick

There is a lot of pressure regarding who we pick to marry as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Not only do we have a very marriage and family centered church, but temple marriages are, ideally, supposed to last forever when we are sealed together. In fact, a famous quote by Elder Bruce R. McConkie states the following: “The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right

2021-04-17 Randy Gilchrist Dating
April 2021General Conference:  Guidance for Singles

April 2021General Conference: Guidance for Singles

Every April and October, we members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints enjoy the immense benefits of general conference. We get to enjoy the guidance, direction, and instruction from the main prophet/president of the church, as well as other prophets, apostles, and inspired leaders. This represents the latest, most relevant inspiration for the members of the church. The will of the Lord is mainly shared through his prophets. We learn from Amos 3:7 that “…Surely the Lord God will

2021-04-11 Randy Gilchrist Spirituality