Articles

The Scars of Sexual Abuse

The Scars of Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse--often today called sexual assault--comes in many forms: child molestation, statutory rape, date rape, acquaintance rape, stranger rape, and so on. Some types can occur as a child, others as a teenager, others as an adult. Some forms of abuse can involve a one-time incident, others repetitively over months or years. Sexual abuse is perpetrated by either males and females towards either male or female victims. Yes, girls and women commit these acts as well, and boys and men are

2019-11-11 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Looks and Dating

Looks and Dating

We read in the well-known scripture the following: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” –I Samuel 16:7. This scripture has implications for singles and dating. Some will look and conclude that these words confirm that “looks don’t matter” or that “looks shouldn’t matter”. Others will look at this scripture and conclude the exact opposite: if “man” (people) are naturally wired to look at and be attracted to the

2019-11-03 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication, Health and fitness
Signs of Online Dating Scammers

Signs of Online Dating Scammers

Online dating in the 2000s has really come into its own. Every year online dating sites and apps grow in popularity and create successful real-life matches. What used to be looked at as “something only desperate people did” has changed. As people’s busy schedules require convenience and flexibility, online dating has filled the need. In addition, the overall popularity of online dating has increased the overall quantity and selection of total dating partners. However, along with the increased

2019-10-21 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Having an Attractive Attitude

Having an Attractive Attitude

In the dating world, impressions go a long way to determine if a person is given a dating opportunity and if so, how long the relationship will last. Besides physical looks, the attitude a person demonstrates is a close second factor creating an impression of what a relationship and life would be like with another. And people usually don’t want to be with or around a Negative Nellie or a Doug Downer. Certain attitudes attract, whereas and other attitudes repel. Common negative repelling

2019-10-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication
Natural Versus Healthy Matches in Dating

Natural Versus Healthy Matches in Dating

I have heard it wisely said that most of what makes for a healthy, happy, lasting relationship comes with the pick of partner. Maybe, 80%. The rest of the 20% comes from relationship nurturing and efforts from there. So, pick well, nurture well… Healthy vs Natural Matches: If we are strongly attracted to and drawn towards a potential dating and relationship partner, isn’t that a good sign? Maybe, maybe not. Attraction alone is a good start—we need to be attracted to our partner to have the

2019-09-28 Shawn Gordon Dating
Marriage: Civilly or in the Temple?

Marriage: Civilly or in the Temple?

One topic that is of importance to singles members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is marriage and all of the questions and concerns surrounding marriage. What if you never marry in this life? What if you have gotten a divorce? What if you marry a non-member or a member without a recommend outside of the temple? What if you are hoping that you will both eventually be worthy and able to marry in the temple and for whatever reason it never happens in this life? These and other

2019-09-22 Randy Gilchrist Marriage preparation, Conflict resolution
Identifying Guys that are Players

Identifying Guys that are Players

In the dating world, both in and out of the church, it can often be difficult distinguish between guys that are “players” and guys that are genuine good, nice, decent guys. Players are usually referred to as a male, although surely women can be “players” too. But for this article, I will mainly refer to guys as the players. In the Urban Dictionary, a player is defined as follows: “Usually a boy who makes you feel special. He makes you feel like you are the only girl in his life, when really

2019-09-15 Carly Gordon Understanding men, Dating
When Others Warn

When Others Warn

One common occurrence that can be experienced as you get to know someone or begin dating is that some current or former friend, family member, or coworker of your partner has some warning for you about them. “Um, I just thought that you might like to know that he/she is/was/did______ (in the past)”, or “you might want to think twice about that person because_____”. Perhaps you are warned that your partner is abusive, neglectful, poor with money, had a bad temper, whatever. The advice may be to

2019-09-02 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating, Healthy relationships
Agency and Marriage

Agency and Marriage

I've seen that smile somewhere before I've heard your voice before It seems like we talk like this before. Sometime, who can be certain when? But if I knew you then, It's strange I can't remember Feelings come so strong, Like we known each other oh, so long. The circle of our love is more Than just a rising sun that sets, The circle of our love, it goes forever. The circle of our love begins With now and every promised dream In God's eternal plan, it goes forever. The circle of our love

2019-08-26 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Sexual Hangups in Marriage

Sexual Hangups in Marriage

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are given a clear edict to always uphold the law of chastity. On the current official church website (www.churchofjesuschrist.org) in the law of chastity section, they give a classic quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that gives a clear definition of this law: “Total chastity before marriage and total fidelity after are still the standard from which there can be no deviation without sin, misery, and unhappiness.” So

2019-08-19 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Communication
Ghosted?

Ghosted?

Wikipedia defines “ghosting” as follows: “Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. The term originated in the mid-2000s. In that following decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to the increasing use of social media and online dating apps.” In other words

2019-08-11 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication, Conflict resolution
Developing a Sense of Humor

Developing a Sense of Humor

As a single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are numerous ways you can work to increase you dating stock. You can improve your spirituality, your looks, your economic situation, your conversational skills, etc. One particular element of your social skills that can especially help your dating prospects is to develop a good sense of humor. A good sense of humor is a great way to endear yourself to the opposite sex. It helps to break the ice in socially anxious

2019-08-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Why Stay Active?

Why Stay Active?

It is generally harder to stay active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as a single than it is when you are married. It is also generally harder to stay active in the church if you do not have children than if you do. There are several theories for these challenges. However, the most common theory is because we have a church that greatly emphasizes marriage and family in our talks, our doctrine, our program, and our activities. Marriage and family is promoted as the ideal

2019-07-22 Randy Gilchrist Spirituality
What Men Want Women to Know About Men

What Men Want Women to Know About Men

One of the first articles I wrote for LDS Dimension was the article “What Do Men Want” (see https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-men-want-3/). In this article, I gave a basic summary of the most common things men tend to want, like, and need in a relationship (and if it gets them a marriage) with a woman. These traits are, from my experience, pretty universal whether the men and women are members of the church or not. So as an extension of that article, I wanted to share some

2019-07-14 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men
Physical Attractiveness: A Mixed Message

Physical Attractiveness: A Mixed Message

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have been taught numerous messages about looks and physical attractiveness, often as negative or cautious messages. Namely, that looks don’t matter much, that a looks focus is overly prideful and superficial, that focusing too much on your looks is a poor priority, etc. On the other hand, being a single member of the church necessitates a focus on looks to a degree to help attract others and produce greater opportunities for

2019-07-08 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Health and fitness
Marriage and Relationship Quotes

Marriage and Relationship Quotes

As a clinical psychologist and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have shared many quotes from general authorities with my clients over the years who are fellow members. In this article I will be sharing several quotes that I’ve found has special significance and direction for single church members especially (regarding marriage, relationships, gender, etc.). I feel some of these quotes will be what some members were needing to read at this time in their lives

2019-07-01 Randy Gilchrist Marriage preparation