Articles

For Her: Letting Him Know You Are Interested

For Her: Letting Him Know You Are Interested

One interesting challenge I’ve noticed with many single women both in and out of the church is the difficulty it can be letting a guy know they are interested in him. Many women have complained to me over the years that they feel they have made their interest in a man clearly known, yet he often still misses the signs. That the signs, signals, cues, and clues she has sent him are “obvious” in her opinion, yet rarely does he seem to notice, let alone act of these signs. So why is that? What is

2022-05-22 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Dating
Complaining Less

Complaining Less

To “complain” means “to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault” (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/complain). Complaining is a problem in relationships, and in life in general. It is negative, draining, a real downer. So why do we do it? Usually, we complain as an attempted coping mechanism to try to ease negative emotions: stress, anxiety, depression, anger, frustration, etc. We try to vent. Get it out. Release it. Let it go. We do so in hopes it

2022-05-09 Randy Gilchrist Communication
Being Less Visually Oriented

Being Less Visually Oriented

I have made the case in several previous articles that looks matter in the dating world. How a person looks and the attraction that results from those looks is the most immediate and powerful indicator of attraction. When we are initially attracted to a person’s good looks, that leads us to then being more open to learning more about that person, subsequent conversation, and a possible eventual relationship. Even though people often say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, that is only

2022-05-01 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Appreciating Masculinity

Appreciating Masculinity

In the 2020s, the media and public perception towards traditional masculinity has been largely presented in negative terms. In fact, a new term has been recently coined, “toxic masculinity”. This term can be basically defined as follows: “The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related

2022-04-23 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men
Not Being Boring

Not Being Boring

A lot of times, singles feel they are passed over or put into the “friendzone” because they are either not physically attractive enough and/or don’t make enough money to attract/keep another person. That may or may not be true, depending on a person’s individual circumstance and situation. But beyond those two attraction elements, another important element is, are you fun, exciting, entertaining, and enjoyable to be around and interact with? When not, you might be hit with the tough label of

2022-04-17 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Reasons for Divorce

Reasons for Divorce

Roughly 50%+ of all marriages result in divorce, with divorces among member couples approaching the rates of the national norm. Knowing why divorces commonly happen can be helpful to be aware of. This way, ideally, you can address, compromise, and work through these issues before they evolve into a true crisis and an eventual divorce. There is an old saying: kill the monster while it is small. Not when it has grown to the size of Godzilla or King Kong. Other applicable sayings here: nip it in

2022-04-09 Randy Gilchrist Conflict resolution
Being Happy and Healthy

Being Happy and Healthy

A common idea shared with singles is that you need to be happy and healthy yourself first, and then you will be more ready to have a healthy relationship with someone else. While there are some different opinions out there on how important this is before your next relationship, it is safe to say that working to be personally healthy, happy, and balanced in a good goal no matter where you are at relationship-wise. In this article, several key areas will be reviewed to help you be happy and

2022-04-02 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Being Happy and Healthy

Being Happy and Healthy

A common idea shared with singles is that you need to be happy and healthy yourself first, and then you will be more ready to have a healthy relationship with someone else. While there are some different opinions out there on how important this is before your next relationship, it is safe to say that working to be personally healthy, happy, and balanced in a good goal no matter where you are at relationship-wise. In this article, several key areas will be reviewed to help you be happy and

2022-03-27 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Psychological health, Health and fitness
Looks and Money—How Important?

Looks and Money—How Important?

We learned in the Bible the following regarding looks: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”—I Samuel 16:7. In addition, we also learn the following regarding money: “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through

2022-03-20 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Depression and Dating

Depression and Dating

Depression can have a negative effect on efforts to date. And then when dating efforts don’t work out as hoped, feelings of depression can follow, as well loneliness and despair. It can be a vicious cycle. Furthermore, when depressed, people tend to not give off the positive energy generally required to attract and develop a healthy relationship. Either the depressive energy will repel people away or even worse, it may attract an unhealthy and predatory individual. In any event, depression does

2022-03-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
Dating Today

Dating Today

Dating today has often been called “dead”. Many frustrated singles have given up on dating altogether, or at least take breaks for long periods of time. Others prefer instead to “hang out” or “hook up” (and be physical/sexual) without dating or having a relationship in any formal way. In the 2020s and beyond, with the world of social media, online dating, and other technological advances, we have been accustomed to immediate gratification, quick fixes, and the illusion that we can always do

2022-03-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Successful Vacations Together

Successful Vacations Together

Why write an article on going on successful vacations together for the singles community? Because when you get married (or married again), vacations will be an important part of your lives together. As you know, some vacations are wonderful, positive experiences together, whereas others can be described as “disasters”. What makes for a positive, successful trip/vacation together? This article will review several useful tips, tools, and suggestions to do so. Traveling together really can reveal

2022-02-28 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication, Conflict resolution
Following Through with a Breakup

Following Through with a Breakup

One of the most difficult challenges in dating is 1) knowing when to cut off a relationship and break it off, and then more importantly, 2) actually following through with the breakup and not going back. Why is this so difficult? Why is it so hard to break up and stay broken up with an unhealthy relationship? From my experience and understanding, it is usually because of some kind of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, and/or fear of not being able to find another relationship. Such

2022-02-19 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Conflict resolution
Developing Empathy

Developing Empathy

In an earlier article, I discussed empathy, gave a few ideas on how to overcome selfishness (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/overcoming-selfishness-254/). As a compliment and an extension of that article, I wanted to focus on empathy, as well as add some extra ideas on how to develop it. From an article in Psychology Today magazine, empathy is described as follows: “Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person, animal, or

2022-02-12 Randy Gilchrist Communication
When Will I Find Someone?

When Will I Find Someone?

A common question I hear in both my therapy office and elsewhere from singles is, “when will I meet someone?” The answer: in 3 weeks, 3 hours, and 3 minutes from now. No really, how could I or anyone know? Some will meet their future spouse soon, some will be years from now, others will get together with their eternal companion on the other side in the next life. Even though there is no way to answer the question of exactly when it will happen, there are certain things you can do to increase

2022-02-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Narcissism and Codependency

Narcissism and Codependency

In previous articles, I introduced and talked about the concepts of narcissism. (See: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/narcissists-what-to-watch-for-97/ and codependency https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/codependency-maybe-its-you-101/). In sum, a narcissistic person lacks empathy and is selfish, self-absorbed, and often disrespectful and abusive to others. A codependent person is generally overly giving, very accommodating, and others oriented to an extreme degree, putting them at

2022-01-31 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Communication