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Spiritual Feelings Versus InfatuationOne of the challenges when making the decision to date, start a relationship with or marry a person is to figure out and differentiate whether or not the positive feelings relating to the other person are feelings of the Spirit or feelings of infatuation. The first thing I want to clarify is that both sets of feelings are good, powerful, helpful, and useful to the cause in different, complementary ways. The Spirit helps clarify and reinforce that the other person and your relationship together
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Why Nice Guys are BoringOver my years as a psychologist, I have heard a common complaint from women: why can’t I find a nice, decent, stable guy that will treat me well? And then I have also heard nice, decent, stable guys also complain that women usually friendzone them, ignore them, and/or otherwise treat them as if them are invisible. So, what is going on here? Why is this happening? Are women not interested in what they say they are interested in? Although there are probably several reasons for this phenomenon, my
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Tone of VoiceIn previous articles I have covered and addressed communication skills from several angles. However, the longer I do therapy with couples and the more I hear the different conflict and arguments, I have come to realize that the most important element of communication is the tone of voice. How we sound will trigger other elements of communication: facial expression, body language, and choice of words. Most communication actually comes from our non-verbals, with tone of voice largely dictating
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Expectations in RelationshipsExpectations are defined as follows: “your strong hopes or beliefs that something will happen or that you will get something that you want.” (source: www.collinsdictionary.com). In the dating and relationship world, expectation involves your hopes or beliefs in how this other person will be, what they will do for you, and what your life will be like together. From my experience, the problems with relationship expectations come when the expectations are either too low or too high. Too low of
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Self-CareIn the New Testament, Jesus Christ was approached by a lawyer who asked him a trick question: which is the greatest commandment in the law of Moses? Since the law of Moses included several hundred points and commandments, this was a loaded question. His response was as follows: Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy
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Cheer UpI know this will sound obvious when I say it, but to attract another person, it is important to be…attractive. And that doesn’t only involve your looks. It also includes your attitude, personality, and disposition. You will struggle mightily with your dating and relationship life if you come across as glum, grumpy, sullen, snappy, grouchy, distant, or otherwise unapproachable. On the other hand, if you come across as positive, perky, optimistic, and a giver of positive energy, you will attract
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Giving Up?Divorce, rejection, disappointment, frustration, break ups, ghosting…it all hurts. It is all painful to experience for singles looking for relationships, both in and out of the church. Therefore, I think it is understandable for anyone to consider giving up and quitting the dating and relationships altogether. To give up would allow the hurt and the frustration to end, right? Well, kind of. Yes, the risk of rejection and frustration would end. But would the pain end? No, only what the pain is
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Having Faith for RelationshipsThe official church website gives us the following: Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true, and must be centered in Jesus Christ in order to produce salvation. To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone…Faith is kindled by hearing the testimony of those who have faith (Rom. 10:14–17). Miracles do not produce faith, but strong faith is developed by obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ; in other words, faith comes by righteousness, although
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Managing Your TimeTime management is often thought of as an extremely boring topic. In fact, I bet few people are even reading this article because of the subject matter. Nevertheless, because good time management can be helpful with your dating/relationship life (and your life in general), I felt it would be helpful to address this topic. Obviously, dating and relationships require a lot of time, energy, effort, and often money as well. Therefore, good time management with all elements of your life will greatly
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Quotes from President HinkleyWhen I was growing up in the church, I remember being told that “we weren’t supposed to have favorite general authorities”. However, I have failed in this regard. I have come to realize I have 6 favorite general authorities, 4 that have passed on and 2 that are still present: Joseph Smith, George Albert Smith, Gordon B. Hinkley, Thomas S. Monson, Jeffrey R. Holland, and Dieter F. Uchtdorf. These prophets are those I seem to have connected with more than others. Those that have most inspired me
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Quotes to RememberI have been doing therapy since 1997. Over the years and thousands of sessions later, I have had the luxury of gaining some great insights from my clients. One type of insight I enjoy comes from the quotes and sayings shared along the way offering great application for many situations in life people are experiencing, including those in dating and relationships. In this article I am going to review a number of the more helpful sayings and quotes I can recall in hopes that you too can be helped
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The Eastern Wind and the Sun: Aesop’s FableAesop was a Greek philosopher from 2500 BC. He is most famous for his fables—short stories with a moral at the end concerning traits of human nature. The most famous of his fables is “Sour Grapes”—where a wolf sees a bushel of grapes over a fence, jumps up to bite them, can’t quite reach him, and then walks away frustrated. While walking away he says to himself, “well those grapes were probably just sour anyway”. The moral of that story is that sometimes when frustrated and feeling spiteful, we
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Ideas on LoveThe word “love” is mentioned regularly in the scriptures and by the general authorities. And love is an essential, key component of a happy, successful marriage. But what exactly does love mean? Especially in a Godly, spiritual, religious sense? And how can this kind of love be shown between man and woman? In this little article, the idea of love will be examined, along with some ideas on how love can be shown in a marriage. Ideas on Love: *Definition of love: In the online dictionary
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What Can I Do to Be Happy?When will you get married? Will you even get married in this life—or will it be in the next life? The results will vary. However, whenever you marry it is important to work to be as happy as possible. Being happy while single will prepare you to also be happy when married. Your spouse does not “make you happy”. However, a spouse in a healthy marriage will help a happy person become happier. In addition, when you are happy now, you also make yourself more attractive, fun, and enjoyable as a
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How Technology Impacts DatingWell into the 21st century, we enjoy many comforts and advantages from modern technology that have never before been available to people in the history of people. The significant advances from the last several decades are too many to list. These developments have affected most every aspect of life today. As a result, many activities, businesses, and ways of life have changed or even vanished. Some of the more notable advances that have impacted dating and relationships in specifically include
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Man and Woman—Enemies?In earlier articles I reviewed the history and general idea of traditional feminism versus feminity (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/feminism-versus-masculinity-110/ and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/valuing-femininity-114/). In short, the original idea of 1970s feminism was supposed to be about equality, women being treated respectfully, and women not being treated as sex objects. However, modern feminism today has morphed away from many of these early ideals into obsessive
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