Happy Single?

In many circles in society, the idea is shared that “you just need to learn to be happy” as a single person/by yourself. Is this true? Can you be fully happy as a single person? It sounds like good advice on the surface and in some ways it is. I’ve thought about this question and my response is…kind of. To a degree I think this is good advice. However, there is a limit here and it can also potentially be bad advice too.

In my opinion and from my experience, there are three possible main options that influence out happiness levels, connected to our current relationship status. The first option is usually indicative of being the most unhappy. That is when you are in a relationship or marriage that is greatly unhappy, unhealthy, or even worse, abusive. The reason this leads to the most unhappiness is because there is an unhappy relationship going on, part of your happiness is reliant upon the choices of the other person. The middle choice (moderate happiness) is available for people who are single and striving for happiness. And finally, the greatest level of available happiness is for people who are married with the marriage being decently or even strongly healthy and happy.

I have seen many people over the years who have ignored or lost faith in this last option being possible for themselves: that there could be a marriage where both partners treat each pother decently and spouses are basically happy together. This conclusion is often revealed when people say things like “I’d rather be alone than in an unhappy marriage”. As if those two things are the only options possible. Yet, happy, healthy marriages do exist. The challenge is that at some point, both people have to make efforts towards the marriage, which may or may not happen. If not, people can decide become single, which may be understandable. But to ignore or dismiss the idea that the person could be happy with another person in a marriage is to short sell oneself and be overly cynical. Since there are many healthy, happy marriages out there, why can’t you have that as well? It just requires 2 things: picking a good person and then treating them well. And when a good choice is made, the other person will treat you well too when choosing well. That is the formula.

Why Happy, Healthy Marriage is Best:

Why do I know a happy marriage is the ideal over being single? Simple. It is the Lord’s way and he created marriage. We are told throughout the scriptures and from the general authorities that the ideal is to marry. Going back to Adam and Eve, God put the man and woman together. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:18, 24). Marriage is the Lord’s way.

We also learn in the Doctrine & Covenants 132:19-21 of eternal marriage being connected to exaltation : And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory.

Final Thoughts:

Please value, prize, and strive for a future healthy, happy marriage. It is possible. Learn about it, strive for it, choose it. In the meanwhile, finding as much health and happiness by yourself is a great pursuit at the same time. But please, do not settle for singlehood. If so, you are limiting yourself, your health, and your happiness. You cannot be as fully happy by yourself as you would in a healthy marriage. That the main idea of this article. Please always strive to find and be the right kind of future spouse. Healthy marriage is the ideal way. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.

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