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Self-CareIn the New Testament, Jesus Christ was approached by a lawyer who asked him a trick question: which is the greatest commandment in the law of Moses? Since the law of Moses included several hundred points and commandments, this was a loaded question. His response was as follows: Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy
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Cheer UpI know this will sound obvious when I say it, but to attract another person, it is important to be…attractive. And that doesn’t only involve your looks. It also includes your attitude, personality, and disposition. You will struggle mightily with your dating and relationship life if you come across as glum, grumpy, sullen, snappy, grouchy, distant, or otherwise unapproachable. On the other hand, if you come across as positive, perky, optimistic, and a giver of positive energy, you will attract
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What Can I Do to Be Happy?When will you get married? Will you even get married in this life—or will it be in the next life? The results will vary. However, whenever you marry it is important to work to be as happy as possible. Being happy while single will prepare you to also be happy when married. Your spouse does not “make you happy”. However, a spouse in a healthy marriage will help a happy person become happier. In addition, when you are happy now, you also make yourself more attractive, fun, and enjoyable as a
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Issues from the Therapy OfficeMy first psychotherapy/counseling session was in February, 1997. I was in the Utah State University marriage and family therapy part of my initial master's degree program. Afterward I would go on to San Diego to my clinical psychology doctoral program. From these first therapy sessions those first few years to now all these years later, I have noticed some themes and common challenges, a few of which I’ve decided to share with you in this little article. Hopefully, you will find this
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Why Keep TryingWhen single in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are many challenges. One of the greatest challenges is to find, commit, nurture, and have a successful marriage. Ideally, a temple marriage. However, when one has experienced relational failure, heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment, it can be difficult to keep putting oneself out there. As frustrations mount, it can be natural to want to quit trying and even resign oneself to being “eternally single”. Or others may
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Having HopeFaith, the first principle of the gospel, is defined in the scriptures as follows: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (JST Hebrews 11:1). So having hope is an essential element of faith. Furthermore, to have hope is defined in the Google dictionary as, “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” Now, why would having hope be an important principle for singles in the church to possess? Because if you are single and want to
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Hope for HealingIn order to have a good future relationship, it is important to heal notable wounds from personal issues, as well as past failed, hurtful, or otherwise frustrating relationships. A few good suggestions for that includes quality self-help materials, individual psychotherapy, group therapy, or meetings with the bishop. In this article I am just going to offer a few general authority/church-based quotes supporting the idea that you can have real hope to heal and have a future healthy, happy
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Being Happy and HealthyA common idea shared with singles is that you need to be happy and healthy yourself first, and then you will be more ready to have a healthy relationship with someone else. While there are some different opinions out there on how important this is before your next relationship, it is safe to say that working to be personally healthy, happy, and balanced in a good goal no matter where you are at relationship-wise. In this article, several key areas will be reviewed to help you be happy and
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Being Happy and HealthyA common idea shared with singles is that you need to be happy and healthy yourself first, and then you will be more ready to have a healthy relationship with someone else. While there are some different opinions out there on how important this is before your next relationship, it is safe to say that working to be personally healthy, happy, and balanced in a good goal no matter where you are at relationship-wise. In this article, several key areas will be reviewed to help you be happy and
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Depression and DatingDepression can have a negative effect on efforts to date. And then when dating efforts don’t work out as hoped, feelings of depression can follow, as well loneliness and despair. It can be a vicious cycle. Furthermore, when depressed, people tend to not give off the positive energy generally required to attract and develop a healthy relationship. Either the depressive energy will repel people away or even worse, it may attract an unhealthy and predatory individual. In any event, depression does
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Dealing with the Fear of RejectionNo one likes rejection. At least, no one I’ve ever known. Part of the challenge is how it can be taken so personally. When a person has their dating hopes with another rejected, it can be tough to get over. Often, such social rejection can be taken as a complete rejection of the person someone is, even though this is generally not the case. These fears can lead to not only fewer dates and dating efforts, but also avoidance of others in general at church, work, and most any social setting. When
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A Problematic Message to WomenThere is a You Tube channel called “Better Bachelor” (https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=better+bachelor). On this video channel, a guy nicknamed “Joker” talks about the various challenges of dating, marriage, and relationships today from the rarely given perspective of men. This channel may be more slanted or edgy than some would care for, so know that if you choose to watch any of these videos. However, some important messages are often shared on these videos that have caught my
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Why So Much Fakeness and Phoniness with Fellow Church Members?One fascinating observation I noticed when working as a new intern therapist going to Utah State’s Marriage & Family Therapy program in 1996-1998, as well as when I worked at LDS Family Services in 1999-2004 in San Diego was this: while getting to speak to fellow church members behind closed doors in therapy in a confidential setting, I learned what REALLY is going on in their lives. Not the perky good member image given on Sundays or at church activities. Not the wholesome seeming individual
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Hypnosis as a Self-Help ResourceHypnosis can be a useful therapeutic resource to promote change, improvement, and goal achievement. It can be a great way to work on any particular area you know you could spend some time working on. With most issues, cares, concerns, challenges, or problems you have struggled with and know you need improvement with, personally and relationally. When used for therapeutic purposes, clinical hypnosis, our church is OK with hypnosis to promote improvement (as opposed to stage hypnosis, which our
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Overcoming SelfishnessTo be “selfish” is to be overly focused on one’s own wants, needs, feelings, and desires, regardless of how such actions or attitudes may harm or effect another. To be selfish is to do what we feel like doing and not doing what we don’t feel like doing—without consideration for other people taken into account. Therefore, it is no surprise that selfishness erodes and can eventually destroy relationships and marriages. President Gordon B. Hinkley has emphasized fidelity in marriage and well as
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Castaway: A Complete Grieving ProcessOne of the reasons I sometimes suggest that my clients watch the 2000 movie Castaway is because it is the best movie I’ve seen showing a complete grieving process from beginning to end. Tom Hanks plays “Chuck Noland’, a man who survives a plane crash and ends up on an island by himself, trying to survive and escape. This can make for a good illustration for those still grieving their last relationship and help them see how the process progresses and ends. Also, seeing this comprehensive
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