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Motivation to ChangeArguably the greatest impediment towards lasting change and improvement is…a lack of motivation. Motivation is defined by Google as “the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way”, or “the general desire or willingness of someone to do something”. Basically, there two types of motivation. “Internal” or “intrinsic” motivation, which relates to truly wanting to change inside apart from outside influence. The second type is referred to as “external” motivation, which
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Dating Todayby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating A long time ago (say, from the 1990s and before), dating was a pretty clear, basic endeavor. Men would ask out women on dates after being introduced from a mutual acquaintance or through meeting at a mutual activity or get together. Women would accept if the interest was mutual. The dates may or may not start in a group setting but if the dating went well, more dates would follow, then just dating each other
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Being the Initiator?President Dallin H. Oaks recently gave a worldwide devotional to single adults with a number of suggestions and recommendations. In this address in May, 2023, he states the following: “Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase
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Signs of the TimesOur church name is “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints”. What does “Latter-Days” mean? It means we live in the latter days close to and leading up to the second coming of Jesus Christ and beginning of the Millenium. The second coming and the days leading up to it have been referred to as both “great and dreadful”. Some rough times will indeed exist from here on out. In this article I will review a number of latter-day “signs of the times”, along with some implications of these
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Selfishness in RelationshipsSelfishness is a large problem today in relationships and marriages, both in and out of the church. We live in a selfish, me-me-me, immediate gratification society. This selfishness is promoted in all segments of society today, including: TV, movies, social media, and many other parts of the internet. In this article, I am going to give several general authority quotes that clarify how selfishness and narcissism need to be lessened, while empathy, consideration, and giving are needed instead to
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Having BoundariesI have heard it said before that in relationships, we train the other person how we are to be treated. That is at least partly true. Beyond what we tolerate or accept, how we are treated also relates to the other person’s personality and habits. But yes, what we tolerate has a definite role in how the other person treats us. We are regularly told by general authorities to treat our spouses with kindness, love, and consideration. That is a good rule of thumb and a default position. However, what
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Living “Not of the World”Today, it is true that relationships between men and women, relationships, and marriages are strained. Divorce rates are high, gender conflict is common, political division is extreme, and other challenges and stresses abound. All of this was predicted in the scriptures. We read in the New Testament Paul saying the following, “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in
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Being Optimistic vs PessimisticIn today’s dating and relationship world, it is very understandable why someone would choose to be more cynical, negative, and discouraged instead of optimistic, positive, and hopeful. However, it’s up to you which of these options will be your primary approach to the opposite sex and relationships. According to Google, being optimistic is defined as being “hopeful and confident about the future”; with optimists “…seeing the positive side of things. They expect things to turn out well. They
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Latter Day IssuesThere are certain challenges that come with being a single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Remember that “Latter Day” means our present day, basically from the period of the restoration of the gospel in 1830 until the second coming of Jesus Christ that includes today. In this article I will review a few scriptures describing some of the challenges and signs of the times, along with some implications these scriptures have to single members particularly. Signs of the
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Ready to Date Again—Or Not?One common challenge of being single again after a divorce or dating breakup is the challenge to decide when you will be ready to date again. There are many opinions on the subject. Some people will say that you should wait at least a year before dating. Others will say, take the total time you were in your relationship with the last person, divide that number in half, and that is how long you should wait until you get into another new relationship. The truth…depends. There is no one size fits
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Making EffortIn older Disney movies, especially Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, there was an interesting theme. In all these movies, a handsome prince appears and rescues/fixes/saves the woman away from the conflicts she was dealing with. Whisking her away on his white horse into the sunset to live happily ever after. The problem with that idea is that although it can make for an enjoyable fantasy, it usually doesn’t work that way in real life. Usually when singles are looking for someone
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Positive Versus Negative EnergyA key to successful dating and relationships is self-awareness. It is important to realize how we are acting and the impact and effect it has on those around us. Without self-awareness, how can you know what needs to change and improve? You wouldn’t unless another was to tell you and you were to believe them. So, rarely. An important area to be self-aware of relates to energy. In particular, do you primarily give off negative energy and come across like a negative person in your impressions
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Ideas on LoveThe word “love” is mentioned regularly in the scriptures and by the general authorities. And love is an essential, key component of a happy, successful marriage. But what exactly does love mean? Especially in a Godly, spiritual, religious sense? And how can this kind of love be shown between man and woman? In this little article, the idea of love will be examined, along with some ideas on how love can be shown in a marriage. Ideas on Love: *Definition of love: In the online dictionary
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How Technology Impacts DatingWell into the 21st century, we enjoy many comforts and advantages from modern technology that have never before been available to people in the history of people. The significant advances from the last several decades are too many to list. These developments have affected most every aspect of life today. As a result, many activities, businesses, and ways of life have changed or even vanished. Some of the more notable advances that have impacted dating and relationships in specifically include
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Man and Woman—Enemies?In earlier articles I reviewed the history and general idea of traditional feminism versus feminity (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/feminism-versus-masculinity-110/ and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/valuing-femininity-114/). In short, the original idea of 1970s feminism was supposed to be about equality, women being treated respectfully, and women not being treated as sex objects. However, modern feminism today has morphed away from many of these early ideals into obsessive
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What’s Wrong with Dating Today?If you watch older (pre-2000) TV, movies, and music, you will notice there used to be a very different attitude and vibe about dating and relationships. It seems in earlier times, there was a much more positive, hopeful, exciting attitude toward dating as well as the opposite sex in general. Today, largely the opposite exists. So, what happened? Why the negative change? There are numerous theories out there and probably multiple contributing factors. In my opinion and from my observation, there
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