Dating

To Move or Not to Move?

To Move or Not to Move?

One tough reality for today’s single church members with dating: do they choose to move to an area with better dating opportunities or do they stay put and do the best they can where they are? The answer to this question is completely arbitrary and up to you. However, this article will review some possible challenges to moving that need to be overcome to hopefully help with your decision. The fact is that some areas have many more single members than others—namely the bigger metros in Utah

2021-06-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation
Don’t Be a Downer

Don’t Be a Downer

In the early 2000s, Saturday Night Live ran a sketch starring Rachel Dratch as “Debbie Downer”. Each sketch basically had the same arrangement: a collection of people were gathered together for a fun, special occasion, such as going to Disney World, a Thanksgiving dinner, a wedding reception, etc. While everyone else is working to have a good time, Debbie still manages to take every positive thing going on and find the negative in it. It wears very thin, very quickly with everyone else. By the

2021-05-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Keeping an Eternal Perspective on Marriage

Keeping an Eternal Perspective on Marriage

In our lives as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have often been told that we need to “keep an eternal perspective on things”. But what does “keeping an eternal perspective” mean? It means thinking of and approaching every notable circumstance/decision in this life with a consideration of how our approach to it will matter one way or the other both now and in the next life. In the eternities. After the days of our mortal existence have ended. The idea and hope is

2021-04-25 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality
Why We Pick Who We Pick

Why We Pick Who We Pick

There is a lot of pressure regarding who we pick to marry as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Not only do we have a very marriage and family centered church, but temple marriages are, ideally, supposed to last forever when we are sealed together. In fact, a famous quote by Elder Bruce R. McConkie states the following: “The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right

2021-04-17 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Overcoming Selfishness

Overcoming Selfishness

To be “selfish” is to be overly focused on one’s own wants, needs, feelings, and desires, regardless of how such actions or attitudes may harm or effect another. To be selfish is to do what we feel like doing and not doing what we don’t feel like doing—without consideration for other people taken into account. Therefore, it is no surprise that selfishness erodes and can eventually destroy relationships and marriages. President Gordon B. Hinkley has emphasized fidelity in marriage and well as

2021-04-05 Shawn Gordon Dating, Psychological health
The Psychology of Color in Fashion Choice

The Psychology of Color in Fashion Choice

When going out on a date, the fashion choice you select sends multiple messages to the other person. One message comes from the color of clothing you wear. Different color choices convey different meanings, set different moods, or create different impressions. In this article, a brief review will be given of the different messages sent out by different colors in the outfits you may choose to wear. Now, the colors you wear probably won’t be as important as, say, how you communicate with the

2021-03-29 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Temptations to Warn Others

Temptations to Warn Others

Some people have an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that was very troublesome in their past relationship together. Perhaps they were cheaters. Maybe the were physically, emotionally, and/or psychologically abusive. They may have been neglectful or even possessed a personality disorder. Many exes are exes for a reason: because they have notable problems that led to or at least contributed to the demise of your previous relationship together. However that relationship ended, perhaps you can

2021-03-21 Randy Gilchrist Dating
A Naturally Excellent Woman

A Naturally Excellent Woman

Over the years, clients have occasionally asked me who they think represents an ideal woman in the movies. Women have also sometimes asked me who I think an ideal woman is to strive to be like in a relationship and who represents the ideal. Men have also sometimes asked if an ideal woman exists in the movies as well to help them know what to look for and who to choose. I have thought about it and out of all of the women I have seen in the movies, one woman to me represents the ideal woman, wife

2021-02-22 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating
Social Anxiety: A Problem to Manage

Social Anxiety: A Problem to Manage

Social anxiety is a common and troubling challenge among most people, especially single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is often a misunderstood, frustrating issue. Therefore, the purpose of this article is to give a brief introduction to the disorder, as well as offer some ideas and suggestions to help you lessen and control this problem. Social Anxiety can be defined as follows: The defining feature of social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is

2021-02-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
Q&A: How Can I Trust My Choices?

Q&A: How Can I Trust My Choices?

Question: Hi Randy: How do you get over the discouragement and mistrust of your own judgment? I did everything I was ever supposed to do and still ended up married to a very not good person. I've never had a drink, a cigarette, done drugs, always been active in church, did my callings, served a mission, stayed chaste, I knew my husband for over a year before we got married, and we were married in the temple. I even did therapy to deal with past trauma before marriage. I did everything I was

2021-02-01 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation
Being Less Socially Awkward

Being Less Socially Awkward

Being socially awkward is a common problem for singles, including single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. What does it mean to be “socially awkward”? It basically means coming across as nervous or tense around others in a social situation. This generally makes others feel uncomfortable, even repelled. Social awkwardness is basically a combination of a lack of social skills in combination with social anxiety. Taken together, it tends to create an unpleasant atmosphere

2021-01-18 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Applying Nephi’s Teaching to Singles

Applying Nephi’s Teaching to Singles

There are many teachings from Nephi in the Book of Mormon that can give special insights, direction, and instruction for single members in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This brief article will review three particular lessons from Nephi that you can hopefully apply to your life. Please review and enjoy: Lessons from Nephi: 1) You can do anything you are commanded to do. That includes your callings, keeping the commandments, your search for a spouse, and anything else the

2021-01-11 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality
Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs)

Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs)

One reality of dating and relationships today for single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is this: if you are going to date and hopefully marry an active, solid member of the church, you may have to participate in a long-distance relationship (aka LDR). Why? Because either you live in an area with few active single members or you have a decent amount of members around you but just need fresh, new options. Everyone suddenly has a much bigger pool of dating options when

2021-01-04 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Enduring to the End…Single?

Enduring to the End…Single?

Many times in the scriptures we are told to “endure to the end”. For instance, Christ told the Nephites, “Behold, I am the law, and the light. Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life” (3 Nephi 15:9). So, what does that mean? From my understanding, this means staying active in church and being faithful to your baptismal covenants until you die. Keeping temple covenants too, where applicable. Keep active, keep having

2020-12-21 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality
Evolutionary Psychology

Evolutionary Psychology

Evolutionary psychology is a psychological theory that includes the ideas that men and women are different physically, psychologically, and emotionally in certain key ways. These differences evolved over many thousands or millions of years of human evolution and exist instinctively and genetically because these traits promoted successful survival and reproduction over the years in some fashion. Each complimentary trait somehow helps each gender best promote reproduction, healthy offspring, and

2020-12-07 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
Being Approachable

Being Approachable

A lot of times, people in the singles/dating world get frustrated with a number of common issues and challenges. One of the more common frustrations involves people being unhappy that others do not approach them or keep wanting to interact after a brief exchange. If you are noticing that you are rarely approached or your conversations with others are usually brief, tense, or awkward, there are probably reasons for this. Are you not rich, good looking, or popular enough? I don’t know. Maybe

2020-11-23 Randy Gilchrist Dating