Dating

Men and Women—Why the Animosity?

Men and Women—Why the Animosity?

It is interesting. I have been doing psychotherapy with individuals, couples, and families since 1997. Over these many years I have seen numerous trends and developments, some good and some not so good. One trend that I would say has gone from bad to worse is the general relationships today between men and women. With each passing month and year, it seems the general animosity, resentment, suspicion, blame, and misunderstanding between both sides has gotten worse and worse. Why is this and what

2022-11-12 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Conflict resolution
The Contrast Effect: Hurting Attraction

The Contrast Effect: Hurting Attraction

The internet has been great for many things: temple work, instant and convenient communications around the world, instantaneous access to information on most any subject, automation for businesses, and so many other things. However, the internet has also resulted in a number of new technology based problems. One notable problem primarily resulting from the internet and technology is called “the contrast effect”. Basically the relational “contrast effect” is a numbing effect where the most

2022-11-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Initial Impressions

Initial Impressions

I remember reading research stating that the initial impressions we have of others is accurate (meaning, persistent) about 80% of the time. In other words, how a person comes across to us upon our initial meeting with them and as we first begin to get to know them usually continues from there far more often than not. I did a related article on first impressions that you may wish to check out. You can see it here: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/first-impressions-46/. So, what does

2022-10-02 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Finding Someone Who  Appreciates the Opposite Sex

Finding Someone Who Appreciates the Opposite Sex

The general climate in the world today is, unfortunately, full of negativity and antagonism. The media especially aims to stir and trigger the unpleasant feelings of fear and anger to draw more ratings: viewers, readers, or listeners. The media is a business, so please remember this. To stir this fear and anger, the media commonly places different people into different groups, and then pits these groups of people against each other. The more the media can get different groups to fear and be

2022-09-24 Randy Gilchrist Dating
The Attraction of Positivity

The Attraction of Positivity

There is an old saying that contains great wisdom: “nothing positive ever came from something negative”. This is true. The one exception: in algebra, a negative number times a negative number becomes a positive result. But real life relationships don’t work that way and don’t operate on this same principle. More negativity just yields more negativity. So therefore, if you are in a negative way and trying to meet people, date, and have relationships, your prospects for success are…very low

2022-09-11 Randy Gilchrist Dating
How Much Do Looks Matter to Women?

How Much Do Looks Matter to Women?

I had a very interesting conversation with a single female member of the church today in therapy. Newly single after a long marriage, she wanted to know how much she should prioritize looks in the men she is starting to meet. Specifically, she wanted me to give my opinion on, how often have I seen women “grow to be attracted to a man” after getting to know him and not being attracted at first. In other words, if she is getting to know a man that she doesn’t really feel is attractive from the

2022-09-04 Randy Gilchrist Understanding women, Dating
Hope in Future Relationships

Hope in Future Relationships

When one’s relationship life has included difficult breakups, hurt, disappointment, and even trauma, it very understandable that people may lose hope in having and retaining a committed relationship. Does this describe you? Do you feel “snakebitten” from previous relationships? Does the hurt from whatever you have been through make you second guess whether you can make a future relationship worse? If so, then it may be worth your while to strengthen your hope in the future. Because if you don’t

2022-08-21 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships
The Role of the Spirit in the Relationship

The Role of the Spirit in the Relationship

Here is a great rule of thumb to help your current or future dating/marriage relationship: the more often you both possess the Spirit, the better your relationship will be. Now, I understand that relationships are more complex than this and more is required than whether or not you have the Spirit inside. However, it is a tremendous advantage when this is the case. We understand from our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that always having the companionship of the

2022-08-13 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality
Cats, Dogs, and Relationships

Cats, Dogs, and Relationships

What do different pets say about their owners? It’s true that owners of different pets tend to have certain traits that would make them a match for such an animal. In other words, the choice of animal a person makes gives you some insight into the individual: their personality, their outlook on life, what they are interested in, and so on. An important element of relationships is the need for new people to be sharp and effective new relationship detectives. The sooner you find out what the

2022-08-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Conflict resolution
Online Dating Filtering

Online Dating Filtering

Both in and out of the church, online dating has moved from the “extreme” to “mainstream” today. The advantages of online dating include convenience, the high quantity of possible love interests, and a physical safety/security. However, there are many common complaints about online dating as well, including there being scammers, liars, con artists, and people otherwise misrepresenting themselves. So how can you be successful in your online dating effort? Simple (but not easy). Pick better.

2022-07-16 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Common Dating Gripes

Common Dating Gripes

Is dating difficult and challenging for today’s single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? It seems so, based upon the common and often understandable complaints I hear regularly. Many singles feel their church leaders are not listening to them or taking their concerns seriously. Singles often feel ignored, neglected, or lower status or concern in wards. It also seems true that for the most part, the solutions to your dating challenges are mostly going to need to come

2022-07-10 Randy Gilchrist Dating
What Men are Physically Attracted To

What Men are Physically Attracted To

Last week I reviewed an article looking closer at what women are physically attracted to (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-women-are-physically-attracted-to-313/). This week, what men are physically attracted to with women will be examined. Like last week, the goals of this article are to 1) help encourage women to accept that their own looks matter and to moderately—not obsessively—work on improving them accordingly (as reasonably possible), and 2) help men identify and validate what

2022-07-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Is it Me or the Money?

Is it Me or the Money?

One of the more complicated and challenging issues facing couples and marriages today involves money. Money squabbles and issues in general are often touchy, hit sensitivities, and often lead to contention and even break ups. In six of my past articles I have examined the subject of money and money related issues with relationships. If interested, feel free to review them later at these links: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/looks-and-money-how-important-301/

2022-06-13 Randy Gilchrist Dating
For Her: Letting Him Know You Are Interested

For Her: Letting Him Know You Are Interested

One interesting challenge I’ve noticed with many single women both in and out of the church is the difficulty it can be letting a guy know they are interested in him. Many women have complained to me over the years that they feel they have made their interest in a man clearly known, yet he often still misses the signs. That the signs, signals, cues, and clues she has sent him are “obvious” in her opinion, yet rarely does he seem to notice, let alone act of these signs. So why is that? What is

2022-05-22 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Dating
Being Less Visually Oriented

Being Less Visually Oriented

I have made the case in several previous articles that looks matter in the dating world. How a person looks and the attraction that results from those looks is the most immediate and powerful indicator of attraction. When we are initially attracted to a person’s good looks, that leads us to then being more open to learning more about that person, subsequent conversation, and a possible eventual relationship. Even though people often say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, that is only

2022-05-01 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Not Being Boring

Not Being Boring

A lot of times, singles feel they are passed over or put into the “friendzone” because they are either not physically attractive enough and/or don’t make enough money to attract/keep another person. That may or may not be true, depending on a person’s individual circumstance and situation. But beyond those two attraction elements, another important element is, are you fun, exciting, entertaining, and enjoyable to be around and interact with? When not, you might be hit with the tough label of

2022-04-17 Randy Gilchrist Dating