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Codependency: Maybe It's You?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Even though "codependency" is not an official/formal psychological diagnosis in the DSM-V (the official book we psychologists get out classifications from), this is still a rather useful term in understanding certain unhealthy relational struggles and challenges. The origin of this term ties back to the group "Adult Children of Alcoholics", now more formally known as "Al-Anon"--the groups for family
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Q & A: Help! He Won't Commitby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Question: I just discovered I'm in love.. and dating a guy that is ASPIE.. Intelligent (Boeing Engineer) BYU GRAD.. 53 yr old never married no kids.. I begun to suspect it in Feb of 2016.. he hides it really well.. he's fun and articulate. (I'm a librarian and most men simply aren't smart enough and I'm starved intellectually). So he's been dropping hints for more than a year but...he's never come
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Narcissists--What to Watch Forby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter known for his great beauty. He was proud, self-absorbed, and had great disdain towards those that family and friends that loved him. Narcissus eventually came across a reflective pool where he enjoyed looking at himself all day. In fact, Narcissus completely fell in love with his own reflection, not even realizing it was just a reflection. He stayed looking
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Where to Find Your Next Relationshipby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the most common complaints I hear from LDS singles from 18-80 is, "where can I meet someone?" And by someone, they are meaning a basically good, nice, decent fellow LDS single member who would make for good commitment material, perhaps even a temple marriage. Many complain that "there is nobody out there" or "all of the good ones are taken". Nobody? All of the good ones? Not true. And it's a
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Discovering Players and Fakers in the Dating Worldby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In the dating world, a common complaint often goes like this: "he was so nice in the beginning, but then…", or "she was great in the beginning, but then her dark side came out..". How will you know if a new dating prospect or partner is just a really a good person, or just putting their best foot forward with something far more ominous lurking beneath? That's the trick: to find out and choose
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Should I Give Up Trying to Find Someone?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Dating in the LDS Singles community can be fraught with emotional and psychological challenges: frustration, anger, sadness, resentment, jealousy, loneliness, self-esteem challenges, disappointment, bitterness, anxiety, guilt, and so on. Perhaps the most common challenge is the routine feeling of frustration over desiring to have someone to date and eventually marry, only to have relationships fail
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Overcoming Being Needy or Clingy in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) As stated in my last article, "to be overly needy or clingy in a relationship is to be overly insecure and desirous of continual reassurance of one's acceptance and desirability". If you have determined you struggle with being needy or clingy and would like to change, I will offer a few ideas here to help you improve. Suggestion 1: Balanced Giving in Relationships If you are giving and trying
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How LDS Dating Sites WorkIn the LDS singles community, there is an ebb and flow of dating sites that are around. The Catch-22 with any dating site is that it needs a critical mass of people to become useful, and people won’t use it until you have a critical mass, so it is very hard to get new people in at a fast enough pace to keep them interested and coming back. What I am to do in this article is touch briefly on a few and then explain how the 800 pound gorilla in this market segment, LDS Planet, manipulates you into
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My "White Paper" on LDS SinglesIn 2013 I was newly single and got heavily involved in the singles scene in church and was looking for ways to improve it at all levels as part of magnifying my calling as the Ward Singles Rep. I put together this set of notes, which doesn't really read like an article, but has a lot of useful information in it for all sorts of people. I've shared it with many other singles reps in the church since the time I wrote it and everyone has gotten a benefit from it. Please enjoy. Overview The
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Physical Chemistry--How Important Is It?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Physical "chemistry" in a relationship sense can be loosely thought of as "spark", "connection", "butterflies", "infatuation", "physical attraction", "hormones", "clicking together", and so on. I am regularly asked how important I think chemistry is in a dating and married relationship. The answer to the question is both simple and complex at the same time. Simply put, physical chemistry is very
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Men and Women--Meant to Be Togetherby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) I always end my LDS dating articles with the scripture from Paul that "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11). And it's true. In today's world, there is a common thought that being single is fine, acceptable, normal, even preferred over being married together as husband and wife. However, this is not the Lord's way. Here are a
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Fitting in at the Singles Wardby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A singles ward is by definition, a different kind of a ward. Devoid of crying babies and young children, a singles ward is theoretically set up to do two things: 1) provide a greater opportunity for single and active LDS members to meet, socialize, date, and hopefully marry, and 2) for those who feel more comfortable around fellow singles, provide a church experience to preserve their activity (which
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Grieving the Loss of a Relationshipby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the hardest elements of the LDS singles dating journey is heartache and heartbreak. The feeling of hurt and letdown when either a promising dating prospect falls apart, you discover something about the other than leads you to feel the need to break up with them, or you are dating and they break up with you. At the core of all of these painful scenarios is a mixture of frustration, hurt
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How to Be More AttractiveSingle? LDS? Wanting to attract more dating partners, hopefully, eventually a future spouse? Then the truth is that you will attract others more if you work on being more…attractive. I know it sounds obvious. However, a good number of singles have grown lax, even lazy with their efforts to be attractive, yet they wonder why they have few if any dates. Being attractive matters. It provides many more initial opportunities. So, how does a person "become more attractive"? Here are a few ideas.
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Don't Put Your Happiness on Holdby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Being single in the LDS community can be a lot of things. Hopefully, happy and enjoyable is what you will make it. Is everyone supposed to get married at some point? Yes, basically. However, until that occurs, what life will you lead and what kind of quality of life will you possess until that point? That is mainly up to you. In my psychotherapy office, I commonly have seen many mid singles share
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How to Engage in Small Talkby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the biggest challenges I have heard from LDS singles (and the singles community in general) revolve around small talk. Chatting with a new or prospective partner before, during, or after a date can sometimes be very challenging. Knowing what to say, how to say it, and what not to say can be very difficult for some. Awkward pauses, awkward silence, nervous laughter, rambling, offending the
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