|
Universal Beauty Indicatorsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A famous scripture from the old testament reads as follows: "…the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (I Samuel 16:7). So, if the man (and the woman) "looketh on the outward appearance", is that wrong? I don't think so. We are built this way for a reason. Physical attraction between men and women is an instinctive trait designed
|
|
Hormones or the Spirit?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the most challenging decisions we will ever make as LDS members is who to marry, when, and where. All of those decisions matter, and all of these decisions can be influences from a number of sources. Two of the stronger and more influential sources of influence come in the form of hormones and the Spirit, also known as the influence of the Holy Ghost. Sometimes the two sources of influence
|
|
When Will I Get Married?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Commonly in the LDS singles community, people desire to be married for many years or decades--but may not for a variety of reasons. Often marriage seems delayed. Some have never been married, others are divorced or widowed. Many if not most LDS singles would like to be married but they are often scared. While some fear possible rejection and failure, others suffer from social anxiety and the overall
|
|
LDS Singles and The Law of Chastityby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A common difficulty for LDS singles is the challenge to stay morally clean and to obey the law of chastity. The law of chastity for fellow members of the church, whether married or single, is the same. The lds.org section on chastity spells out the requirements pretty clearly: "Physical intimacy…God has commanded that this sacred power be expressed only between a man and a woman who are legally
|
|
What's Wrong With Me?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A common statement I've heard from single LDS members frustrated with their situation is "what's wrong with me?" Or, "everyone else seems to be able to find someone. Why can't I?" This question, depending on how it is asked, can either be helpful and productive, or negative and self defeating. The Questions We Ask Ourselves The great self-help coach Anthony Robbins once said that "the
|
|
Doug and Debbie Downersby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) If you are single, looking to date, in a relationship, engaged, or married, there is one piece of advice I would like to give to help you hopefully attract and keep a great partner and spouse in your life. This is, be careful and watch to minimize your level of negativity. Negative comments and attitudes towards yourself, others, and life in general is draining, depressing, and an overall downer.
|
|
Rescuing the Damsel in Distressby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In a previous article, I wrote about how some women tend to be attracted to and choose to be in a relationship with "the bad boy". Men also have a tendency to get involved with a troublesome type of relationship choice: the damsel in distress. A damsel in distress is basically any woman who is very troubled emotionally, practically, or otherwise, which is attractive to some men. This usually
|
|
Whittling Down Your Dating Poolby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Sometimes in dating, you might find yourself liking and being attracted to more than one potential partner. Or, sometimes you might be dating more than one person at the same time. Eventually, it comes to a point where you need to make a decision: date one, end the relationship with the other, or end the relationship with both of them. Perhaps you begin to feel guilty. Perhaps you become concerned
|
|
The In-Lawsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) It is said that when you marry someone, you also marry their entire family, for better or worse. To date and marry someone, it can be wise to pay attention to who and what you may be taking on with their extended family. Some in-law relationships are easy and harmonious, others are contentious with a lot of friction, and yet others are minimal or even non-existent, especially when they live far away.
|
|
Double Standards in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) According to the Webster dictionary, a double standard refers to "a situation in which two people, groups, etc., are treated very differently from each other in a way that is unfair to one of them". In relationships specifically, a double standard occurs when one partner is allowed to engage in certain behaviors or habits that the other partner is not allowed to do. The hypocrisy of such double
|
|
Are All the Good Ones Gone?A common refrain I hear in the LDS singles community goes something like "all of the good ones are already taken", "all of the good ones are already married", "there's nobody left", etc. That's not really true, but the assumption exists for a reason. It's true that when we pass our early 20s, the remaining singles will have lived more life and accumulated more experiences. These additional life experiences generally include marriage, divorce, children/potential blended families, sexual
|
|
Accepting Singlehood?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Tired of being single? Tired of trying to find someone over the months, years, even decades with no luck? It is very common and understandable to feel sad, frustrated, and even hopeless. Worn out from such feelings over time, many LDS young adults and mid singles can become tempted to give up. Singles can start to think things like, "maybe I should just give up", "maybe I'll just accept that I'll
|
|
Being Attracted to the Bad Boyby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) So, what is it about the "bad boy"? How is it that such guys are often so attractive to so many women, both in and out of the church? Knowing that they are "trouble", how is it that so many still seem to command so much attention and attraction? What is so exciting about troubled men, when other often nicer and more respectful men are deemed too "boring", "nice", or deemed "just friends"? How is this
|
|
Hanging Out or Dating?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In the 2000s and especially the 2010s and beyond, both in and out of the LDS scene, it seems that dating today is different than it has been in the past. Technology, the media, shifting standards, and other modern changes have had a ripple effect in the dating arena. One of the many changes occurring lately is the evolution from "courting" in the 1940s and earlier, to "dating" from the 1950s to the
|
|
Breaking Up Is Hard To Doby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In 1962, rock and roll legend Neil Sedaka released his most famous hit, "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do". Lyrics: You tell me that you're leavin', I can't believe it's true! Girl, there's just no livin' without you. Don't take your love away from me. Don't you leave my heart in misery. 'Cause if you go, then I'll be blue, Breakin' up is hard to do. Remember when you held me tight, And you kissed
|
|
Would the Grass be Greener in Another Relationship?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) When considering someone to date, when in a dating relationship, when engaged or especially when married, a normal human tendency both in and out of the church is to wonder if "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence". In other words, we wonder if another relationship besides what we are in would be better. Maybe someone else would be better looking, nicer, richer, more fun, better with
|