Making Effort

Making Effort In older Disney movies, especially Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, there was an interesting theme. In all these movies, a handsome prince appears and rescues/fixes/saves the woman away from the conflicts she was dealing with. Whisking her away on his white horse into the sunset to live happily ever after. The problem with that idea is that although it can make for an enjoyable fantasy, it usually doesn’t work that way in real life.

Usually when singles are looking for someone to date, have a relationship with, and marry, it requires some time but most importantly, proactive effort. There is a need to consistently do productive things leading to that positive goal. The odds of “mr. or mrs. right” just appearing and getting things going are very small. Although the fantasy of the rescuing prince is more of a common thing among women—likely because of Disney movies and other cultural influences—some men adopt those ideas as well of being found and rescued. The reality is though, efforts will need to be made. Waiting around and hoping your partner will find you probably won’t happen.

Effort Leading Towards Relationships:

In no particular order, here are some suggestions of helpful efforts you can be making towards to assist in getting into your next relationship.

Looks/health: the first thing we notice about another is their looks, so working on improving your looks will be important for getting as many dating opportunities as possible. Eating right, exercising, getting proper sleep, maintaining a good healthy weight, having a decent fashion sense, etc. These appearance improving efforts will get you more your initial dating options and hence a greater chance at your next relationship.

Socializing: you need to get out of the house and be involved in as many positive social activities as possible where potential dating prospects may be found. Besides church and singles activities, socialize at work, attend various groups, clubs, organizations, or activities where you feel healthy relationship opportunities may present themselves.

Be extroverted: sometimes others will approach you in social settings and situations. However, most of the time if you want to meet others, have a conversation with them, and get to know them, it is best that you own the need to be the one to approach. Find an opportunity to approach others, strike up a conversation, and take a chance. There is nothing creepy about being nice and having a chat.

Work on your attitude: it is important to keep and maintain the more positive attitude possible when around others, especially when having conversations and getting to know people. It’s like the old saying goes, you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If you are a more positive, perky person, others will be more likely to want to be around you and interact with you. Conversely, if you have a negative or off-putting attitude, others will likely not want to have much if anything to do with you.

Develop a positive idea about the opposite sex: have a check in with yourself. Do you really like, appreciate, and are attracted to the opposite sex? Or do you have resentment and antagonism against them? If you really dislike the opposite sex, you probably aren’t ready for successful dating and relationships because why would date and have a relationship with the enemy? You wouldn’t. Not successfully, anyway. So please try to understand and appreciate the good things the opposite sex brings to relationships (and to the world in general).

Make regular efforts: it is not enough to make some of the efforts mentioned previously. These kinds of efforts need to be made regularly. Not obsessively, but moderately and persistently. The more you put into your relationship efforts, the better your outcomes will usually be. Remember the old saying: if it is to be, it’s up to me.

Final Thoughts:

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against the old Disney movies. I think there is a role and place for fun fantasy movies. However, it is important to differentiate fantasy from reality. In real life and in the real world, good outcomes rarely occur easily or automatically. Successful outcomes usually require work, time, patience, and adjustments. In the dating and the relationship world, this is the case. If you accept and embrace this reality, you will be much more satisfied with the results versus avoiding effort and feeling unhappy when alone. When you embrace the need to work at these things every day like a part time job, you will get better outcomes. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at

2023-10-21 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication

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About the author

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (, practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at; email me questions to