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April 2023 Conference—Thoughts for SinglesEvery general conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I pull some different quotes that I feel could have some special significance or interest to singles. These conference thoughts represent the most current modern revelation given to the entire church on a bi-annual basis. Every conference includes some material that everyone and especially singles can use to find extra comfort, hope, direction, and inspiration. I will review a few of those thoughts now. Before I do so
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Keeping an Optimistic Attitude About DatingWhen dating, relationships, and marriage have not gone well in the past, heartache, heartbreak, and scars are common and understandable. It is also understandable that these challenges could result in a person’s self-protective mechanism inside superseding the part of themselves inside desiring relationships and connections with others. When this occurs, relationship pessimism, cynicism, avoidance, and sabotage is common. The problem is that when we are alone and lonely, depression and other
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When Church Socializing Goes BadlyBeing a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints offers many advantages, including for single members. One advantage is the chance to socialize with other fellow members. To bond, connect with, and fellowship with each other. This also affords us dating and relationship opportunities in the ward, stake, and with other regional singles. This is all a good thing, right? Well, it is a good thing when the socializing goes well. When we in fact bond and connect with other members in
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Why Keep TryingWhen single in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are many challenges. One of the greatest challenges is to find, commit, nurture, and have a successful marriage. Ideally, a temple marriage. However, when one has experienced relational failure, heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment, it can be difficult to keep putting oneself out there. As frustrations mount, it can be natural to want to quit trying and even resign oneself to being “eternally single”. Or others may
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The Psychology of Hair ColorColor has been shown to lead to certain emotional reactions in others and matters a good deal in how you come across to others. In this article I will give a brief review of the 4 main hair colors and the different messages and feelings hair color tends to elicit in others. The point of such as article is to 1) help you if you are considering coloring and changing your hair color, 2) help you understand how your hair color—whatever it is—sends a message and gives impressions to others about
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Choosing Our Spouses— Spiritual ConfirmationsAn area of challenge amongst single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is choice of spouse. When we choose to date, start a relationship, and marry someone, we pray about it in hopes of making the right decision. We are told to pray for guidance, direction, and inspiration. We learn we need to ask for help from the Spirit to let us know what is the right/best choice to make. So, what does that mean for the choice we ultimately make? Ask for Guidance: Here are some
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Fear of Missing Out—FOMOIn the 1960s-70s, the classic game show “Let’s Make a Deal” put contestants in a challenging spot. Audience members were invited to make a tough decision: they could have and retain a decent prize shown to them, or choose an alternative prize or two that was hiding behind a curtain, a door, or some other concealment. Here lied the dilemma: do they stay with the known desirable prize, or do they roll the dice and choose one of the unknown options? Perhaps that unknown prize is much better, like
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Mixed Message with AttractivenessAt church we learn the valuable message that how you look really doesn’t matter, especially in an eternal sense. Yet as single adults the message is also sent to date, have relationships, and marry—hopefully in the temple now or later. That marriage is created by God and that is what we need to be searching for and living. The thing is, marriage and physical intimacy requires mutual physical attraction, among other things. So, is there a contradiction there in those 2 ideas of inner worth and
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Gendered Language: Dr. Deborah TannenIn 1990, Dr. Deborah Tannen came out with an interesting and useful research-based book, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. The ideas are pretty useful in this book, so I thought I would review a few of the main ideas. Deborah Tannen is a top and longtime expert in linguistics and gender differences from Georgetown University. As a researcher and an author, she shares several useful ideas in her book regarding the main differences between how men and women primarily
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Men and Women—Why the Animosity?It is interesting. I have been doing psychotherapy with individuals, couples, and families since 1997. Over these many years I have seen numerous trends and developments, some good and some not so good. One trend that I would say has gone from bad to worse is the general relationships today between men and women. With each passing month and year, it seems the general animosity, resentment, suspicion, blame, and misunderstanding between both sides has gotten worse and worse. Why is this and what
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The Contrast Effect: Hurting AttractionThe internet has been great for many things: temple work, instant and convenient communications around the world, instantaneous access to information on most any subject, automation for businesses, and so many other things. However, the internet has also resulted in a number of new technology based problems. One notable problem primarily resulting from the internet and technology is called “the contrast effect”. Basically the relational “contrast effect” is a numbing effect where the most
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Initial ImpressionsI remember reading research stating that the initial impressions we have of others is accurate (meaning, persistent) about 80% of the time. In other words, how a person comes across to us upon our initial meeting with them and as we first begin to get to know them usually continues from there far more often than not. I did a related article on first impressions that you may wish to check out. You can see it here: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/first-impressions-46/. So, what does
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Finding Someone Who Appreciates the Opposite SexThe general climate in the world today is, unfortunately, full of negativity and antagonism. The media especially aims to stir and trigger the unpleasant feelings of fear and anger to draw more ratings: viewers, readers, or listeners. The media is a business, so please remember this. To stir this fear and anger, the media commonly places different people into different groups, and then pits these groups of people against each other. The more the media can get different groups to fear and be
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The Attraction of PositivityThere is an old saying that contains great wisdom: “nothing positive ever came from something negative”. This is true. The one exception: in algebra, a negative number times a negative number becomes a positive result. But real life relationships don’t work that way and don’t operate on this same principle. More negativity just yields more negativity. So therefore, if you are in a negative way and trying to meet people, date, and have relationships, your prospects for success are…very low
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How Much Do Looks Matter to Women?I had a very interesting conversation with a single female member of the church today in therapy. Newly single after a long marriage, she wanted to know how much she should prioritize looks in the men she is starting to meet. Specifically, she wanted me to give my opinion on, how often have I seen women “grow to be attracted to a man” after getting to know him and not being attracted at first. In other words, if she is getting to know a man that she doesn’t really feel is attractive from the
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Hope in Future RelationshipsWhen one’s relationship life has included difficult breakups, hurt, disappointment, and even trauma, it very understandable that people may lose hope in having and retaining a committed relationship. Does this describe you? Do you feel “snakebitten” from previous relationships? Does the hurt from whatever you have been through make you second guess whether you can make a future relationship worse? If so, then it may be worth your while to strengthen your hope in the future. Because if you don’t
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