Dating

When Church Socializing Goes Badly

When Church Socializing Goes Badly

Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints offers many advantages, including for single members. One advantage is the chance to socialize with other fellow members. To bond, connect with, and fellowship with each other. This also affords us dating and relationship opportunities in the ward, stake, and with other regional singles. This is all a good thing, right? Well, it is a good thing when the socializing goes well. When we in fact bond and connect with other members in

2023-03-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Why Keep Trying

Why Keep Trying

When single in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are many challenges. One of the greatest challenges is to find, commit, nurture, and have a successful marriage. Ideally, a temple marriage. However, when one has experienced relational failure, heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment, it can be difficult to keep putting oneself out there. As frustrations mount, it can be natural to want to quit trying and even resign oneself to being “eternally single”. Or others may

2023-02-18 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
The Psychology of Hair Color

The Psychology of Hair Color

Color has been shown to lead to certain emotional reactions in others and matters a good deal in how you come across to others. In this article I will give a brief review of the 4 main hair colors and the different messages and feelings hair color tends to elicit in others. The point of such as article is to 1) help you if you are considering coloring and changing your hair color, 2) help you understand how your hair color—whatever it is—sends a message and gives impressions to others about

2023-02-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Choosing Our Spouses— Spiritual Confirmations

Choosing Our Spouses— Spiritual Confirmations

An area of challenge amongst single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is choice of spouse. When we choose to date, start a relationship, and marry someone, we pray about it in hopes of making the right decision. We are told to pray for guidance, direction, and inspiration. We learn we need to ask for help from the Spirit to let us know what is the right/best choice to make. So, what does that mean for the choice we ultimately make? Ask for Guidance: Here are some

2023-01-23 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation, Spirituality
Fear of Missing Out—FOMO

Fear of Missing Out—FOMO

In the 1960s-70s, the classic game show “Let’s Make a Deal” put contestants in a challenging spot. Audience members were invited to make a tough decision: they could have and retain a decent prize shown to them, or choose an alternative prize or two that was hiding behind a curtain, a door, or some other concealment. Here lied the dilemma: do they stay with the known desirable prize, or do they roll the dice and choose one of the unknown options? Perhaps that unknown prize is much better, like

2023-01-08 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Mixed Message with Attractiveness

Mixed Message with Attractiveness

At church we learn the valuable message that how you look really doesn’t matter, especially in an eternal sense. Yet as single adults the message is also sent to date, have relationships, and marry—hopefully in the temple now or later. That marriage is created by God and that is what we need to be searching for and living. The thing is, marriage and physical intimacy requires mutual physical attraction, among other things. So, is there a contradiction there in those 2 ideas of inner worth and

2022-12-11 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Gendered Language: Dr. Deborah Tannen

Gendered Language: Dr. Deborah Tannen

In 1990, Dr. Deborah Tannen came out with an interesting and useful research-based book, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. The ideas are pretty useful in this book, so I thought I would review a few of the main ideas. Deborah Tannen is a top and longtime expert in linguistics and gender differences from Georgetown University. As a researcher and an author, she shares several useful ideas in her book regarding the main differences between how men and women primarily

2022-12-04 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating
Men and Women—Why the Animosity?

Men and Women—Why the Animosity?

It is interesting. I have been doing psychotherapy with individuals, couples, and families since 1997. Over these many years I have seen numerous trends and developments, some good and some not so good. One trend that I would say has gone from bad to worse is the general relationships today between men and women. With each passing month and year, it seems the general animosity, resentment, suspicion, blame, and misunderstanding between both sides has gotten worse and worse. Why is this and what

2022-11-12 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Conflict resolution
The Contrast Effect: Hurting Attraction

The Contrast Effect: Hurting Attraction

The internet has been great for many things: temple work, instant and convenient communications around the world, instantaneous access to information on most any subject, automation for businesses, and so many other things. However, the internet has also resulted in a number of new technology based problems. One notable problem primarily resulting from the internet and technology is called “the contrast effect”. Basically the relational “contrast effect” is a numbing effect where the most

2022-11-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Initial Impressions

Initial Impressions

I remember reading research stating that the initial impressions we have of others is accurate (meaning, persistent) about 80% of the time. In other words, how a person comes across to us upon our initial meeting with them and as we first begin to get to know them usually continues from there far more often than not. I did a related article on first impressions that you may wish to check out. You can see it here: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/first-impressions-46/. So, what does

2022-10-02 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Finding Someone Who  Appreciates the Opposite Sex

Finding Someone Who Appreciates the Opposite Sex

The general climate in the world today is, unfortunately, full of negativity and antagonism. The media especially aims to stir and trigger the unpleasant feelings of fear and anger to draw more ratings: viewers, readers, or listeners. The media is a business, so please remember this. To stir this fear and anger, the media commonly places different people into different groups, and then pits these groups of people against each other. The more the media can get different groups to fear and be

2022-09-24 Randy Gilchrist Dating
The Attraction of Positivity

The Attraction of Positivity

There is an old saying that contains great wisdom: “nothing positive ever came from something negative”. This is true. The one exception: in algebra, a negative number times a negative number becomes a positive result. But real life relationships don’t work that way and don’t operate on this same principle. More negativity just yields more negativity. So therefore, if you are in a negative way and trying to meet people, date, and have relationships, your prospects for success are…very low

2022-09-11 Randy Gilchrist Dating
How Much Do Looks Matter to Women?

How Much Do Looks Matter to Women?

I had a very interesting conversation with a single female member of the church today in therapy. Newly single after a long marriage, she wanted to know how much she should prioritize looks in the men she is starting to meet. Specifically, she wanted me to give my opinion on, how often have I seen women “grow to be attracted to a man” after getting to know him and not being attracted at first. In other words, if she is getting to know a man that she doesn’t really feel is attractive from the

2022-09-04 Randy Gilchrist Understanding women, Dating
Hope in Future Relationships

Hope in Future Relationships

When one’s relationship life has included difficult breakups, hurt, disappointment, and even trauma, it very understandable that people may lose hope in having and retaining a committed relationship. Does this describe you? Do you feel “snakebitten” from previous relationships? Does the hurt from whatever you have been through make you second guess whether you can make a future relationship worse? If so, then it may be worth your while to strengthen your hope in the future. Because if you don’t

2022-08-21 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships
The Role of the Spirit in the Relationship

The Role of the Spirit in the Relationship

Here is a great rule of thumb to help your current or future dating/marriage relationship: the more often you both possess the Spirit, the better your relationship will be. Now, I understand that relationships are more complex than this and more is required than whether or not you have the Spirit inside. However, it is a tremendous advantage when this is the case. We understand from our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that always having the companionship of the

2022-08-13 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality
Cats, Dogs, and Relationships

Cats, Dogs, and Relationships

What do different pets say about their owners? It’s true that owners of different pets tend to have certain traits that would make them a match for such an animal. In other words, the choice of animal a person makes gives you some insight into the individual: their personality, their outlook on life, what they are interested in, and so on. An important element of relationships is the need for new people to be sharp and effective new relationship detectives. The sooner you find out what the

2022-08-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Conflict resolution