Articles

Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

The number one most common complaint I hear from men and women in couples therapy is that they are having difficulties with communication and want to communicate better with each other. In fact, I can’t remember any couples therapy I have ever done with a couple that did not include some version of this same goal. In this article I will review some of the main common differences in the primary gendered ways and purposes (but not the only ways and purposes) men and women communicate, along with

2020-03-16 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Communication
Dating Quotes by General Authorities

Dating Quotes by General Authorities

Whether you are a young adult, a mid-single, or a senior in the church dating scene, the advice from general authorities is for all. As members we can be served to remember the following scripture: “…whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” (Doctrine & Covenants 1:38). The main servants of the Lord are what we now refer to as the “general authorities”. In general conference talks, general authorities have spoken numerous useful and helpful ideas, thoughts, and

2020-03-09 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Spirituality
What Men Want Women to  Know About Pornography

What Men Want Women to Know About Pornography

Pornography use among both single and married boys and men in our church—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints—is a very touchy and controversial topic. Seemingly every priesthood session of conference has a talk about the evils of pornography, full of warnings, concerns, and instructions to repent of this evil and seek help. Since 2016, Utah as a state has even declared pornography a major health crisis (see:

2020-03-02 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men
Dating Conversations

Dating Conversations

One of the biggest determiners of whether or not an initial date goes well or not is how the conversation goes. People come home from a date deciding whether or not to have additional dates or not. A lot of this relates to how the talking and listening went, both directions. If it went well, there is a far greater chance more additional dates will happen and that a relationship will develop. If not—if the conversation was flat or contentious, the first date will likely be the last date. So

2020-02-18 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Dating Members Only

Dating Members Only

In the singles scene as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, finding good members to date and eventually marry can be challenging. In addition to the normal challenges of finding a nice, decent, respectable person that is marriage material, there is an added challenge as well. There is also the difficulty of finding a fellow member of the church that, ideally is of decent church standing and activity that can eventually take you to the temple. Because of these double

2020-02-10 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Finding Mutual Interests

Finding Mutual Interests

In any dating relationship (and potential future marriage), a challenge exists every time: dealing with differences. One of the biggest challenges involves how a couple deals with different or discrepant interests and hobbies. Genders, personalities, and backgrounds differ, thus adding to differences with what each person in the relationship likes doing for fun and fulfillment. If this issue is not navigated well, frustration, contention, and resentment may develop, as well as distance and

2020-02-03 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Deciding When Dating Multiple People

Deciding When Dating Multiple People

One suggestion most singles have heard is the idea to “date multiple people at the same time” to keep your options open and give the most opportunities for relationship success. And as relationships are brand new, dating more than 1 person at a time is common, understandable, perhaps desirable (depending on your preferences). However, it doesn’t take very long for a pressure and an urgency to kick in to choose the one main person to date, while letting the other(s) go. It soon becomes

2020-01-19 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Money, Priorities, and Relationships

Money, Priorities, and Relationships

A sensitive subject for single members in the dating arena concerns their own and another’s present and future financial situation. In other words, money. Truth be told, we have often heard some confusing ideas, advice, and suggestions on the subject. On one hand, people may tell you things like “money isn’t everything”, “money doesn’t but happiness”, or “a lot of rich people are jerks”. Conversely, we logically know inside that how much money (and/or debt) a person has, their credit score, and

2020-01-12 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Finance
Keeping an Eternal Perspective for Singles

Keeping an Eternal Perspective for Singles

One of the most challenging aspects of being a single member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is keeping an eternal perspective. An understandable frustration for singles is, “when will I meet him/her?” “Will it ever happen in this life?” “Am I going to be single forever?” While the answers to these questions are individual between the particular member and the Lord, everyone can cope better by working to maintain an eternal perspective along their life’s journey. This phrase

2019-12-30 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Encouraging Quotes for Singles

Encouraging Quotes for Singles

Many times, singles can feel alone, unsupported, perhaps forgotten as members of the church. Therefore, the purpose of this article is to simply be a compilation of various encouraging quotes from conference talks/general authorities to help support singles. These simple quotes speak for themselves, so enjoy. Encouraging Conference Quotes for Singles: Kathleen Lubeck Peterson, Singles and Marrieds: Together in Faith (General Conference, April, 2006): “President Gordon B. Hinckley is mindful

2019-12-18 Shawn Gordon Psychological health
Finding Worth as a Single

Finding Worth as a Single

One of the great emphases of our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is a strong orientation towards marriage and family. Most church talks, videos, and articles emphasize the nuclear family of a husband, a wife, and children. Often, lots of children. This is shown as the ideal to strive for. Things like divorce, being widowed, or never marrying are only discussed as special topics of interest, and only occasionally. So logically, single members of the church often feel

2019-12-16 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Anger at God

Anger at God

As fellow members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we learn early on that the desired, preferred, ideal state is to be married, have kids, and keep a very strong family and family orientation throughout our adult lives. Unfortunately, some people stay single for a number of reasons and have their marital goals frustrated for a time. Some have never married, others divorce, and others still are widowed. So, when someone for whatever reason is single in the church—especially

2019-12-09 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Dating a Widow?

Dating a Widow?

A sensitive and unique area for single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints involves the dating and marriage situation of widows. Basically, we understand as members that if a man is a widow (sometimes called a “widower”) and he was sealed in the temple to his first wife, he can be sealed to another 2nd wife as well after the first has passed away. However, this is different for women. When a woman has been sealed to her first husband in the temple and he passes away, she

2019-12-02 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Why the High Inactivity Rate for Men?

Why the High Inactivity Rate for Men?

In a private conversation among general authorities revealed in “Mormon Leaks” (if this source is to be trusted), only about 25% of single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are active worldwide, which sounds accurate. (Source: https://religionnews.com/2016/10/05/leaked-worldwide-only-25-of-young-single-mormons-are-active-in-the-lds-church). Within those 25% active singles, there are about 3 active women for every 2 active men. In other words, there are about 50% more

2019-11-25 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Spirituality
Therapy Observations

Therapy Observations

As a clinical psychologist and marriage & family therapist since 1997—and as a fellow member of the church—I have noticed and experienced many things across my 1000s of sessions throughout the years. For my LDS singles audience (um, singles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), there a number of things I wish to share in this article that I think can be of help in your dating and relationship journey. These ideas are simply my opinions and observations, not objective “truth”.

2019-11-18 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
The Scars of Sexual Abuse

The Scars of Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse--often today called sexual assault--comes in many forms: child molestation, statutory rape, date rape, acquaintance rape, stranger rape, and so on. Some types can occur as a child, others as a teenager, others as an adult. Some forms of abuse can involve a one-time incident, others repetitively over months or years. Sexual abuse is perpetrated by either males and females towards either male or female victims. Yes, girls and women commit these acts as well, and boys and men are

2019-11-11 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health