Articles

Boosting Self Esteem

Boosting Self Esteem

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In last week's article, I examined self-esteem--the degree that we value ourselves--and why it matters. In this week's article, I will present a number of ways to work to help boost and elevate our self-esteem and self-worth. Accordingly, here are a 5 ways to work each day to treat yourself better and eventually feel better towards and about yourself: 1) Stop criticizing yourself To criticize

2016-05-30 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Self-Esteem: It Matters

Self-Esteem: It Matters

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In psychology, self-esteem is defined by the Webster dictionary as "a feeling of having respect for yourself and your abilities". In other words, having self-esteem is having value and confidence towards yourself to be able to handle the rigors and disappointments of life. Sometimes as LDS members, we hear that we shouldn't strive for self-esteem, or that having self-esteem is bad or prideful. In

2016-05-21 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation, Psychological health, Spirituality
Sex Lives in Marriage Part 2

Sex Lives in Marriage Part 2

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) As an extension of the article I wrote last week with the same title, I thought that this was an important enough topic to write more about, given many common misconceptions, dissatisfaction, and dysfunction existing in the area of sex lives amongst fellow LDS members. Once again, I will use the word "sex" instead of "intimacy" to make it very clear what I am referring to so there is no

2016-05-11 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Communication
Sex Lives in Marriage

Sex Lives in Marriage

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) As LDS members, we generally have a strange, awkward relationship with the topic of sex. That's right, I said the word "sex". Can we as church members talk about this important, relevant topic openly? In short, yes, when it's done in a respectful manner. Becoming educated on this subject will help support, sustain, and enrich your eventual marriage. So why is the topic of "sex" in marriage rarely

2016-05-07 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation, Communication
Are We Spiritually Compatible?

Are We Spiritually Compatible?

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Compatibility is an essential requirement of a healthy, happy, successful, hopefully eternal marriage. Definitions of compatibility from the Webster's dictionary includes, "capable of existing together in harmony", as well as "designed to work with another device or system without modification". Interesting. There are many areas to consider when considering relationship compatibility (or lack

2016-04-29 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Spirituality
Overcoming Dating Anxiety

Overcoming Dating Anxiety

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the most limiting and self defeating challenges in the dating world is anxiety: fears, phobias, paranoia, insecurity, worries, "what ifs", etc. Dating anxiety often results from previous relationship wounds. Maybe you grew up in a highly contentious home. Maybe your parents divorced and/or had a highly conflicted relationship. Perhaps previous dating partners (or an ex spouse) hurt you and let

2016-04-19 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication
Ask Dr. G--LDS Dating Q & A

Ask Dr. G--LDS Dating Q & A

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, Licensed Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (free LDS online dating site) Wolves in Sheep's Clothing Question: Hi Dr. G: I am a divorced mother of three, divorced for 12 years. I have dated, I am LDS, and live in Utah county. Our religion in Utah is different than outside of Utah. I am exhausted. I have never met so many wolves in sheep's clothing, I don't want to give up, but how do I change this? Also, how do I identify if it's me or them? Not everything or

2016-04-15 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Jealousy--What to Do About It

Jealousy--What to Do About It

Jealousy is defined in the Webster's Dictionary as either 1) an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has, or 2) an unhappy or angry feeling caused by the belief that someone you love (such as your dating partner or spouse) likes or is liked by someone else. In other words, feeling jealous is a form of desiring or coveting what someone else possesses, seems to possess, or might come to possess. In the dating world, jealousy can take many forms. You might feel jealous of

2016-04-08 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Conflict resolution, Psychological health
Looks--How Much Do They Matter?

Looks--How Much Do They Matter?

As I started this article, I was originally going to title this: Looks--How Much Should They Matter? However, I think an article based more upon the real world and how much looks actually matter would be a more useful place to start. I will probably write the other article at a later time (including other "non looks oriented attractors"). So, how much do looks tend to matter in the dating world? In short: a lot. Remember, I'm just the messenger with this, but it's the truth and you need to

2016-04-01 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships
How to Trust Again

How to Trust Again

In my previous article, "To Trust or Not to Trust", I gave some suggestions and recommendations on how to assess and determine how trustworthy a dating partner is. However, I fully understand that just because you might accurately determine if someone is "trustworthy", that doesn't mean you will automatically feel and act trusting of them as a result. Why not? Scars. Emotional baggage. Other pain and problems creating "trust issues". Perhaps you have been strongly hurt or disappointed in

2016-03-25 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication, Conflict resolution
Settling vs. Expectations

Settling vs. Expectations

A common conversation among singles in the church and the single population in general, especially when you hear about a breakup, is that person being consoled and told to “not settle”, the internet is overflowing with these memes, but what does that mean? Oftentimes people have a big laundry list of what they desire in someone else, and they consider settling to be not getting someone with that entire laundry list means they are settling. There are some things missing from this equation

2016-03-25 Shawn Gordon Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication
To Trust or Not to Trust?

To Trust or Not to Trust?

One of the most challenging aspects of both online dating relationships and relationships in general is the topic of trust. Trust, from the Webster dictionary, is defined as "belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc." In relationships, trust involves believing the other will uphold essential principles and values including sexual fidelity, respectful and civil treatment, and willingness and commitment to follow through with responsibilities such as church

2016-03-24 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation, Communication
Letting Go of Heartbreak

Letting Go of Heartbreak

There is a challenge with online dating, and dating in general. By this point, most people have suffered some significant form of heartache and heartbreak. Sometimes we've been broken up with when we thought marriage was coming. Sometimes we had to break up with or divorce the other person because our expectations weren't met. Other times, unions of two particular people are toxic, including cycles of arguments, verbal abuse, and other emotional trauma. Infidelity ("cheating") emotionally

2016-03-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Psychological health
Being Friendzoned

Being Friendzoned

When getting to know someone online, over the phone, in person, how do you know when they decide they aren't romantically interested? Or, as it's commonly called today, them "friendzoning" you. Sometimes the other person will just come out and say it, usually with one of the more common cliches: "I just don't think we're a match", "I just see us as friends", "I just don't think this is going to work out", etc. Sometimes you hear this sooner, other times later. It usually hurts when you hear

2016-03-07 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication
Marital Research Findings: John Gottman

Marital Research Findings: John Gottman

There is one man acknowledged by most academics to be the world's leading researcher in marital relationships: Dr John Gottman from the University of Washington. Gottman has been researching couples in his "love laboratory" for decades, as is often quoted in Ensign articles and by many LDS professors, even though he is not LDS. Therefore, his research findings by and large can be respected as helpful, useful, and applicable to most couples, most of the time. John Gottman has many useful

2016-02-28 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation, Communication
Workable Compromise

Workable Compromise

What do you do when the person you are dating or married to disagrees with you on what to do or how to do it, whatever "it" is? What do you do when your interests or opinions are in direct conflict with the wants, needs, or feelings of the other? What do you do when you simply want different things? Navigating such differences is a key in making relationships work. Sometimes the best you can hope for is a workable compromise you can both live with, at least for a while. The spirit of a

2016-02-18 Randy Gilchrist Communication, Conflict resolution