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Thoughts on RelationshipsOver the years, I have worked with thousands of individuals and couples with all types of relationship challenges and difficulties. Relationships and especially marriage is difficult today for sure. The divorce rate has risen to 50%+ since 1976 when the no-fault divorce laws kicked in from the early 1970s. Stress, conflict, pressure, personality clashes, and multiple needs, wants, and feelings inevitably make marriages difficult, strained, and challenging. It is tough to keep them together. So
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Worldly Attitudes on MarriageIn Lehi and Nephi’s vision of the tree of life, a metaphorical image is given of a “great and specious building”. In this building, many popular, trendy, well dressed inhabitants cast ridicule, scorn, shame, and put downs to those holding onto the iron rod on the path towards the tree. Worldly views, attitudes, and philosophy was cast on the righteous in an attempt to lead them astray from eternal life. Accordingly, we read from Lehi’s vision: And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld
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Attraction on Display: Danny and SandyIn the classic 1978 movie “Grease”, the main characters showcase what powerful male and female attraction is all about. That is mainly why this musical is still highly popular all these decades later. Danny Zuko (played by John Travolta) and Sandra “Sandy” Dee (played by Olivia Newton John) not only have a strong attraction and chemistry together, but they also demonstrate the classic, powerful traits of male and female attraction in general. Being aware of these traits can illustrate and
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What is Attractive to Women?What traits initially attract a woman to a man? What mainly leads her to be open to romantically dating a man in the beginning? What helps her to have butterflies and be drawn to him? What forces differentiate a guy from “just being a friend”, to someone she would consider dating and having a relationship with? These are important questions that men are curious about and women may not be fully and consciously aware of. In other words, what a woman learns from church and society that she
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The Creed of President George Albert SmithPresident George Albert Smith was the church president from 1945-1951, being a general authority through the Great Depression and World War II. To be a church leader through such difficult and challenging times helped to cultivate many admirable principles and values in this great man. Many an article could be created in relation to his great words and teachings. There is one particular set of ideas from President Smith that I wanted to share in this little article that I feel can be very
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Staying Close and Connectedby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating In dating and marriage, the honeymoon phase of infatuation will help carry a relationship from the beginning for a number of months or even a year or two. However, even the most exciting, stimulating relationship will eventually calm down, cool off, and become—gasp—mundane. No escaping it. Nothing will be new and stay new forever. Impossible. As the initial powerful butterflies calm down, a more companionate
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Elements of HappinessOne of the best things you can do to prepare for your next relationship is to learn to be happier. The happier you can become, the better. Being happy is attractive, shows security, and will help a future relationship successfully get off the ground running and nurture it from there. Of course, being happier is also important for your overall quality of life as well. Therefore, becoming happier is an excellent goal for many reasons. Elements of Happiness: In the classic book, The 7 Habits of
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A Problematic Message to WomenThere is a You Tube channel called “Better Bachelor” (https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=better+bachelor). On this video channel, a guy nicknamed “Joker” talks about the various challenges of dating, marriage, and relationships today from the rarely given perspective of men. This channel may be more slanted or edgy than some would care for, so know that if you choose to watch any of these videos. However, some important messages are often shared on these videos that have caught my
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The Main Thing Women WantIn one of my first articles for LDS Dimension/LDS Dating, I wrote an article titled, “What Women Want” (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-women-want-2/). This information and these ideas were based upon a combination of my training, education, and clinical experience as a psychologist with women, men, and couples. I’m sure my own personal experiences added to these ideas as well. In that original article, I stated that the main thing women want and need in a relationship—in my
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Different WiringMen and women have different brains, and because of this, tend to have different ways to act and react across many different situations and circumstances. To give you a crash course on this subject, I recommend Mark Gungor. He is a speaker and author who reviews and focuses on the often funny and interesting differences between male and female brains. These differences account for so much of the differences between men and women across the board. As a crash course on the subject, you can view
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Choosing to Not Be Offended?Some words that ruffled more than a few feathers among church members came from the October 2006 general conference talk entitled, “And Nothing Shall Offended” by Elder David Bednar (see: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng). In short, Elder Bednar shares the idea that we ultimately choose to be offended by another and that hence, we can choose not to be offended. Even more so, he recommends that we should choose to not be
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Deal BreakersAs you are dating and getting to know someone, there are positive things you are hoping are there with the other, and there are other negative things you hope are not there with them. “Deal breakers” can be thought of as certain negative attributes possessed by the other person to a degree that leads you decide this will not be your future spouse. Some deal breakers are bad enough to conclude right there are then to stop dating the other person immediately. What exactly constitutes a deal
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To Move or Not to Move?One tough reality for today’s single church members with dating: do they choose to move to an area with better dating opportunities or do they stay put and do the best they can where they are? The answer to this question is completely arbitrary and up to you. However, this article will review some possible challenges to moving that need to be overcome to hopefully help with your decision. The fact is that some areas have many more single members than others—namely the bigger metros in Utah
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Cheating: To End or Continue the Relationship?Infidelity in a marriage. If this happens to you in a future marriage, would you end the marriage or try to work it out and stay together? The short answer is, it’s up to you. It is optional. You don’t need to keep trying, but it is understandable if you did divorce and end things. It is a judgment call and it depends on the circumstances and the people involved. This can be a very tough decision to make. The ideas in this article relate to being cheated on in a marriage, but the basic ideas
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Staying Power in a RelationshipRelationships have 2 basic phases. In the first phase, relationships are new, exciting, and exhilarating. Often, partners become very infatuated, even obsessed with the other. Hence, this phase is often called the “infatuation phase”. Time together is often intoxicating, and time away is spent longing to be together once more as soon as possible. This stimulating phase often lasts anywhere from 6-12 months, sometimes less, sometimes more. Rarely does this phase last longer than about 2 years.
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Why So Much Fakeness and Phoniness with Fellow Church Members?One fascinating observation I noticed when working as a new intern therapist going to Utah State’s Marriage & Family Therapy program in 1996-1998, as well as when I worked at LDS Family Services in 1999-2004 in San Diego was this: while getting to speak to fellow church members behind closed doors in therapy in a confidential setting, I learned what REALLY is going on in their lives. Not the perky good member image given on Sundays or at church activities. Not the wholesome seeming individual
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