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Marriage: Civilly or in the Temple?One topic that is of importance to singles members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is marriage and all of the questions and concerns surrounding marriage. What if you never marry in this life? What if you have gotten a divorce? What if you marry a non-member or a member without a recommend outside of the temple? What if you are hoping that you will both eventually be worthy and able to marry in the temple and for whatever reason it never happens in this life? These and other
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Identifying Guys that are PlayersIn the dating world, both in and out of the church, it can often be difficult distinguish between guys that are “players” and guys that are genuine good, nice, decent guys. Players are usually referred to as a male, although surely women can be “players” too. But for this article, I will mainly refer to guys as the players. In the Urban Dictionary, a player is defined as follows: “Usually a boy who makes you feel special. He makes you feel like you are the only girl in his life, when really
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When Others WarnOne common occurrence that can be experienced as you get to know someone or begin dating is that some current or former friend, family member, or coworker of your partner has some warning for you about them. “Um, I just thought that you might like to know that he/she is/was/did______ (in the past)”, or “you might want to think twice about that person because_____”. Perhaps you are warned that your partner is abusive, neglectful, poor with money, had a bad temper, whatever. The advice may be to
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Agency and MarriageI've seen that smile somewhere before I've heard your voice before It seems like we talk like this before. Sometime, who can be certain when? But if I knew you then, It's strange I can't remember Feelings come so strong, Like we known each other oh, so long. The circle of our love is more Than just a rising sun that sets, The circle of our love, it goes forever. The circle of our love begins With now and every promised dream In God's eternal plan, it goes forever. The circle of our love
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Sexual Hangups in MarriageAs members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are given a clear edict to always uphold the law of chastity. On the current official church website (www.churchofjesuschrist.org) in the law of chastity section, they give a classic quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that gives a clear definition of this law: “Total chastity before marriage and total fidelity after are still the standard from which there can be no deviation without sin, misery, and unhappiness.” So
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Ghosted?Wikipedia defines “ghosting” as follows: “Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. The term originated in the mid-2000s. In that following decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to the increasing use of social media and online dating apps.” In other words
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Developing a Sense of HumorAs a single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are numerous ways you can work to increase you dating stock. You can improve your spirituality, your looks, your economic situation, your conversational skills, etc. One particular element of your social skills that can especially help your dating prospects is to develop a good sense of humor. A good sense of humor is a great way to endear yourself to the opposite sex. It helps to break the ice in socially anxious
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Why Stay Active?It is generally harder to stay active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as a single than it is when you are married. It is also generally harder to stay active in the church if you do not have children than if you do. There are several theories for these challenges. However, the most common theory is because we have a church that greatly emphasizes marriage and family in our talks, our doctrine, our program, and our activities. Marriage and family is promoted as the ideal
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What Men Want Women to Know About MenOne of the first articles I wrote for LDS Dimension was the article “What Do Men Want” (see https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-men-want-3/). In this article, I gave a basic summary of the most common things men tend to want, like, and need in a relationship (and if it gets them a marriage) with a woman. These traits are, from my experience, pretty universal whether the men and women are members of the church or not. So as an extension of that article, I wanted to share some
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Physical Attractiveness: A Mixed MessageAs members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have been taught numerous messages about looks and physical attractiveness, often as negative or cautious messages. Namely, that looks don’t matter much, that a looks focus is overly prideful and superficial, that focusing too much on your looks is a poor priority, etc. On the other hand, being a single member of the church necessitates a focus on looks to a degree to help attract others and produce greater opportunities for
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Marriage and Relationship QuotesAs a clinical psychologist and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have shared many quotes from general authorities with my clients over the years who are fellow members. In this article I will be sharing several quotes that I’ve found has special significance and direction for single church members especially (regarding marriage, relationships, gender, etc.). I feel some of these quotes will be what some members were needing to read at this time in their lives
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Vs LonelinessInstinctively and spiritually, we all have certain feelings and yearnings that serve to prompt us to action. One of the most primal, powerful feelings existing in us all is a desire for connection, companionship, and relationship. The relationship between a man and a woman is a powerful thing. So when we are without that kind of main connection in our lives, it is natural and appropriate for us to feel subtle to strong feelings of loneliness until we have that relationship. Utilized correctly
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Why Marriage MattersA modern attitude in the world today is that marriage doesn’t matter. Accordingly, marriage rates around the globe are plummeting versus previous years and decades. Much of modern philosophy takes the position that marriage is just the subjugation of women. That it is limiting and just gets in the way of career development, travel, shopping, fun, hobbies, etc. That it just leads to having kids, which traps you, is a drag, and might be good to delay or forgo altogether. So as members of the
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The Differences Between Member Couples and Non-Member CouplesMy first session of psychotherapy was in Logan, Utah in February, 1997 (during my master’s program at Utah State University). From then until now, I have done thousands of couples therapy sessions with both members (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), as well as non-member couples. This has included those who are dating, engaged, and living together, but mostly those who are married. Sometimes fellow members of the church will ask me what the differences are between member
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The Best Ways to Meet OthersAn important question for those in the dating world is, “what are the most effective ways to meet new people to date?” Some ways are definitely better and more successful than others. Research on the subject has shown some interesting findings. As reviewed at https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-meeting-their-significant-others-in-2018-8075828, a 2018 survey about dating from technology company ReportLinker, surveyed over 550 respondents, ages 18-64, who were married or in
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Looking for the Best in OthersWhen church members are single, have had previous relationship failures and frustrations, and are again looking for a new dating partner—hopefully, an eternal spouse—the stakes are high but the confidence and security are often low. Many singles feel “snakebitten” and understandably are cautious, careful, and hesitant to give new relationships a chance. No one wants to get hurt and let down again. Yet, problems in life come in the extremes, including overly focusing on the negatives. When hurt
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