Agency and Marriage

Agency and Marriage I've seen that smile somewhere before
I've heard your voice before
It seems like we talk like this before.
Sometime, who can be certain when?
But if I knew you then,
It's strange I can't remember
Feelings come so strong,
Like we known each other oh, so long.
The circle of our love is more
Than just a rising sun that sets,
The circle of our love, it goes forever.
The circle of our love begins
With now and every promised dream
In God's eternal plan, it goes forever.
The circle of our love extends
Beyond the reach of time
Beyond the span of days and years, it goes forever
The circle of our love begins
With now and every promised dream
In God's eternal plan, it goes forever.
The circle of our love extends
Beyond the reach of time
Beyond the span of days and years, it goes forever
The circle of our love is found
In every warm and tender thing
That lips may breath or hearts may beat, forever.
--The Circle of Our Love (from Saturday’s Warrior)

A common idea amongst many members of the church is that there is “the one” out there. A soulmate. The one single person God meant for you to be with. Fueling this notion is the couple from the church-themed production Saturday’s Warrior. “Julie and Todd” promise to find each other and marry back in the pre-existence. The song lyrics above express their promises before they were born. And sure enough in the play, later on earth, that is exactly what happens. But is that accurate? Do we have a “soulmate”? Is that how it works?

Question--Do We Have A Soulmate?:

Is there such a thing as “soul mates”? The short answer is no, not really. Even though you may feel especially connected to someone of the opposite sex right now, the true bond between a man and woman comes only after they’ve committed to marry one another and decided to work at it. (“Is There Such a Thing As Soulmates?”, New Era, November, 2013).

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, has said, “I don’t believe there is only one right person for you. I think I fell in love with my wife, Harriet, from the first moment I saw her. Nevertheless, … I don’t believe she was my one chance at happiness in this life, nor was I hers. Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way” (“The Reflection in the Water” [Church Educational System fireside for young adults, Nov. 1, 2009]).

In sum, it does not seem that one man and one woman are “meant to be together”, like in Saturday’s Warrior. Could there be come exceptions? Sure. But the exceptions are just that—exceptions. The rule, as stated above, is that we do not have one single person we are meant to be with.

Since We Don’t Have A Single Soulmate…

Since we don’t have a single soulmate, what does that mean for you? It means that this is the plan of agency and you will need to find and choose who to be with. Part of what we are to do in this life is to 1) search for, 2) date, and 3) marry a person who we then work to make our soulmate. From the principles, efforts, and commitments made in this life. To marry—ideally in the temple—and keep our covenants makes our spouse our soulmate over time. So in a sense, the scene in Saturday’s Warrior when Julie and Todd meet on earth, feel a connection, and choose to be together is accurate. That part shows how it is done. No speculations needed about the pre-existence. In short, soulmates don’t come before this life, they come during and afterwards.

Final Thoughts on Agency:

Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and call things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself. And now, my sons, I would that ye should look to the great Mediator, and hearken unto his great commandments; and be faithful unto his words, and choose eternal life, according to the will of his Holy Spirit;
--2 Nephi 2:27-28

This life is about agency, especially with those you choose to date and marry. Choose well. Pray about it. Get to know them. And when you commit and marry, work to make this person your soulmate. You can do it. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.

Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at

2019-08-26 Randy Gilchrist Dating

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About the author

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (, practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at; email me questions to