In the dating world, impressions go a long way to determine if a person is given a dating opportunity and if so, how long the relationship will last. Besides physical looks, the attitude a person demonstrates is a close second factor creating an impression of what a relationship and life would be like with another. And people usually don’t want to be with or around a Negative Nellie or a Doug Downer. Certain attitudes attract, whereas and other attitudes repel. Common negative repelling attitudes include the person complaining, whining, backbiting, gossiping, slandering, showing pessimism, frowning/scowling, putting oneself down, insecure statements, acting cold/distant, and any other form of negativity. Conversely, positive and attracting attitudes include showing optimism, seeing the bright side of things, complimenting others, using confidence statements, smiling, acting warm and affectionate, and other forms of positivity and positive energy.
If you are going to minimize your negative attitude and maximize your positive attitude, it is important to have self-awareness before beginning. The best way to achieve this? Pay attention. Look at your tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. Look at the words you say and don’t say. Listen to the feedback from trusted family and friends. Write down and track what you discover about yourself. Make some goals of specific things to improve and track accordingly. Ideally, you will eventually find yourself looking, sounding, and acting positive the bulk of the time, and acting negative a small minority of the time. When this is the case, you will be displaying a positive attitude that will attract. Conversely, if you notice the opposite and that you are coming across negatively, this is a wake-up call that changes are needed. Most people need at least some fine tuning in this area...
Developing a Positive, Attractive Attitude:
*Decide: The first step in developing a more attractive attitude is to decide to do so. To decide to have an attractive attitude is proactive. To settle for a negative or a pessimistic attitude is more reactionary. To be more of a victim of circumstances. So, to decide to have a more positive, attractive attitude, start by stating your goal and desire out loud several times with some energy. For example, you could say something like: “I choose to have a much more positive, attractive attitude around others, in spite of ______” (whatever previous circumstances that led you to be more negative before). “Instead, I choose to_____ (act and think more positively in these certain ways…). Think of having a good attitude as a choice and a skill, rather than something some lucky people have and you do not. Decide now to be this kind of person.
*Practice: Get in front of the mirror and look at yourself. Also, practice while recording yourself in the video recording function of your phone, then review. During your practice, brighten your facial expressions. Practice having positive examples of conversations with others. Look and act patient, interested, and enthusiastic/energetic throughout. Practice making positive statements and comments as well. Try taking negative things others say and spin it in a more positive, optimistic manner. Think of some generic positive statements to say to others. Become much more away of how you are coming across and improve whatever details are needed to brighten your attitude and countenance.
*Develop: Regularly watch, listen to, or read self-help materials to strengthen your people skills and positive attitude. While learning ways to talk and listen to others, remember to practice keeping a positive, cheerful, optimistic attitude throughout. Apply and practice the skills and knowledge you learn about in real life situations. Eventually with enough learning and practice, you will be a socially skilled person that will easily demonstrate positivity and cheerfulness whenever possible with all of those you come in contact with.
Here are a few self-help materials you may wish to look into:
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Happier by Tal Ben Shahar
How to Love Yourself by Louise Hay
Any applicable hypnosis sessions you need for your particular situation from www.hypnosisdownloads.com, such as:
*Look to Role Models: Think of friends, family members, and stars on TV or the movies that display positive, attractive attitudes. Notice their facial expressions, tones of voice, body language, and choice of words. Feel free to adopt as many of their skills and mannerisms as possible. Imitation is the best form of flattery. And since some have already shown the way to show a positive attitude, utilize these positive role models. Some have truly mastered this skill. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel here and make it harder than it needs to be. Others can immediately show the way. Look to others who have already been successful with this and incorporate what you can from them.
The four simple steps offered in this article are just that: simple. However, simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy. These steps require time, practice, and commitment. Having and maintaining a positive, attractive attitude is a habit to develop and strengthen. It will seem like a labor in the beginning until you develop some continuity and skill with this. You can do it and it will greatly assist you in your dating search. You will begin to attract far more than repel or turn off. You can do it and it is worth it. And you can have relationship success. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at email@example.com.
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|2019-10-14||Randy Gilchrist||Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication|
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to email@example.com).