Healthy relationships

Video Games: The Dilemma

Video Games: The Dilemma

Video games come in numerous formats: Nintendo, Play Station, and X-Box. There are also PC and cell phone games as well. These games are usually played online today with fellow players from all around the world. Such games usually have no end and just build level by level, round by round. Many are “shoot ‘em up games”, others are more strategy oriented. Most cater to boys and men, although many girls and women play them too. However, on average women usually spend more time on social media

2020-06-15 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Healthy relationships
Overcoming a Negative Attitude

Overcoming a Negative Attitude

After dating and relationship problems or failures, it is understandable to develop a negative attitude towards relationships and the opposite sex. The self-protective part of us inside can promote a cynical, avoidant attitude to lessen the chance of more pain and disappointment. The problem is that when we develop a negative attitude like this, we also lose out on the chance for relationship opportunities and success. Loneliness becomes inevitable. Plus, who wants to feel negative, angry, or

2020-06-07 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships
Emotional Affairs

Emotional Affairs

Technology has created many advantages and conveniences in modern life. Having access to endless websites, apps, and social media, and having your cell phone always with you can make life much easier and more convenient in many ways. However unfortunately, technology also allows for other problems to become easier to engage in as well, namely emotional affairs/infidelity. When in a (hopefully) committed relationship, online affairs through one’s computer or cell phone makes cheating easier and

2020-03-30 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Psychological health
Dating Quotes by General Authorities

Dating Quotes by General Authorities

Whether you are a young adult, a mid-single, or a senior in the church dating scene, the advice from general authorities is for all. As members we can be served to remember the following scripture: “…whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” (Doctrine & Covenants 1:38). The main servants of the Lord are what we now refer to as the “general authorities”. In general conference talks, general authorities have spoken numerous useful and helpful ideas, thoughts, and

2020-03-09 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Spirituality
Money, Priorities, and Relationships

Money, Priorities, and Relationships

A sensitive subject for single members in the dating arena concerns their own and another’s present and future financial situation. In other words, money. Truth be told, we have often heard some confusing ideas, advice, and suggestions on the subject. On one hand, people may tell you things like “money isn’t everything”, “money doesn’t but happiness”, or “a lot of rich people are jerks”. Conversely, we logically know inside that how much money (and/or debt) a person has, their credit score, and

2020-01-12 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Finance
Keeping an Eternal Perspective for Singles

Keeping an Eternal Perspective for Singles

One of the most challenging aspects of being a single member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is keeping an eternal perspective. An understandable frustration for singles is, “when will I meet him/her?” “Will it ever happen in this life?” “Am I going to be single forever?” While the answers to these questions are individual between the particular member and the Lord, everyone can cope better by working to maintain an eternal perspective along their life’s journey. This phrase

2019-12-30 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Looks and Dating

Looks and Dating

We read in the well-known scripture the following: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” –I Samuel 16:7. This scripture has implications for singles and dating. Some will look and conclude that these words confirm that “looks don’t matter” or that “looks shouldn’t matter”. Others will look at this scripture and conclude the exact opposite: if “man” (people) are naturally wired to look at and be attracted to the

2019-11-03 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication, Health and fitness
Having an Attractive Attitude

Having an Attractive Attitude

In the dating world, impressions go a long way to determine if a person is given a dating opportunity and if so, how long the relationship will last. Besides physical looks, the attitude a person demonstrates is a close second factor creating an impression of what a relationship and life would be like with another. And people usually don’t want to be with or around a Negative Nellie or a Doug Downer. Certain attitudes attract, whereas and other attitudes repel. Common negative repelling

2019-10-14 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication
When Others Warn

When Others Warn

One common occurrence that can be experienced as you get to know someone or begin dating is that some current or former friend, family member, or coworker of your partner has some warning for you about them. “Um, I just thought that you might like to know that he/she is/was/did______ (in the past)”, or “you might want to think twice about that person because_____”. Perhaps you are warned that your partner is abusive, neglectful, poor with money, had a bad temper, whatever. The advice may be to

2019-09-02 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating, Healthy relationships
Sexual Hangups in Marriage

Sexual Hangups in Marriage

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are given a clear edict to always uphold the law of chastity. On the current official church website (www.churchofjesuschrist.org) in the law of chastity section, they give a classic quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that gives a clear definition of this law: “Total chastity before marriage and total fidelity after are still the standard from which there can be no deviation without sin, misery, and unhappiness.” So

2019-08-19 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Communication
Ghosted?

Ghosted?

Wikipedia defines “ghosting” as follows: “Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. The term originated in the mid-2000s. In that following decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to the increasing use of social media and online dating apps.” In other words

2019-08-11 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication, Conflict resolution
The Differences Between Member Couples  and Non-Member Couples

The Differences Between Member Couples and Non-Member Couples

My first session of psychotherapy was in Logan, Utah in February, 1997 (during my master’s program at Utah State University). From then until now, I have done thousands of couples therapy sessions with both members (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), as well as non-member couples. This has included those who are dating, engaged, and living together, but mostly those who are married. Sometimes fellow members of the church will ask me what the differences are between member

2019-06-11 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation
Looking for the Best in Others

Looking for the Best in Others

When church members are single, have had previous relationship failures and frustrations, and are again looking for a new dating partner—hopefully, an eternal spouse—the stakes are high but the confidence and security are often low. Many singles feel “snakebitten” and understandably are cautious, careful, and hesitant to give new relationships a chance. No one wants to get hurt and let down again. Yet, problems in life come in the extremes, including overly focusing on the negatives. When hurt

2019-05-20 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Dealing with Differences

Dealing with Differences

In general, the more similar couples are--with their attitudes, interests, politics, religious ideas, hobbies, and so on--the bigger the advantage they have. It becomes easier to get along, to bond, and to have agreeable and enjoyable time together. However, men and women will still be…different in many ways. We naturally think, act, and feel differently. We interpret the world differently. Such differences can potentially cause frustration, conflict, and misunderstanding. So, how do couples

2019-05-13 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication, Conflict resolution
When the Infatuation Leaves

When the Infatuation Leaves

One of the most enjoyable aspects of the beginning of a relationship is the infatuation phase. Often this time involves extremely powerful feelings of excitement, passion, obsession, daydreaming, butterflies, etc. The purpose of the infatuation phase of a relationship is to be a quick and powerful agent to bring people together and get things started and going. Endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin flow strongly and freely. It seems for a while that permanent bliss will be present forever

2019-04-15 Shawn Gordon Healthy relationships
Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Tips for Long Distance Relationships by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating As single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it is preferable to date fellow active members that will hopefully, ideally, lead to an eventual temple marriage. However, unless you live in an area where there are many fellow local single members—Utah, Idaho, Arizona for example—it may be difficult to find, date, and marry an active member. Therefore

2019-02-11 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships