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Successful Marriages Are Those That…This is a topic that I could write a great many things about and make many points. However, I choose to focus on a few points that I have found are very important. John Gottman is understood to be the world's leading expert in marriage and marital research from the University of Washington. For decades he and his research team have been studying couples in his "Love Lab": his research facility to video tape, record, and track and code behavioral interactions between couples. With this
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Grieving the Loss of a Relationshipby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the hardest elements of the LDS singles dating journey is heartache and heartbreak. The feeling of hurt and letdown when either a promising dating prospect falls apart, you discover something about the other than leads you to feel the need to break up with them, or you are dating and they break up with you. At the core of all of these painful scenarios is a mixture of frustration, hurt
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Don't Put Your Happiness on Holdby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Being single in the LDS community can be a lot of things. Hopefully, happy and enjoyable is what you will make it. Is everyone supposed to get married at some point? Yes, basically. However, until that occurs, what life will you lead and what kind of quality of life will you possess until that point? That is mainly up to you. In my psychotherapy office, I commonly have seen many mid singles share
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The Single Friends You Chooseby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In the LDS Singles world, it can take months, years, even decades before you find a partner to marry. In the process, sometimes you will have someone you are dating, other times you will not. Along the journey, having and enjoying fellow single friends--usually of the same sex--is an important resource and support. Not only do friends provide needed companionship, support, validation, and connection
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Marrying Your Best Friendby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) What makes for a good selection in a mate and eternal spouse? Is it someone that you feel an enormously infatuated with? Someone you think about all day long and can't stand being without? Someone that excites and stimulates you? Someone that gives goosebumps and a fastly beating heart? Someone that entices you to be physically affectionate with? Perhaps someone who is very fun, exciting, and
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Battling the Grass is Greener Attitude in Datingby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Dating in the LDS singles community is influenced by a number of avenues that can lead to a "you're good, but I can do better" attitude. And where does this "grass is greener" attitude come from? Several possible areas. We are all bombarded with ideas of what more and what better we supposedly can have and deserve from numerous sources in life. Some of this challenge comes in the ideal, slick
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Bonding Acting Togetherby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) I've heard it said as a psychologist that a relationships is like a living organism that, if you aren't careful, can die in a couple of possible ways. Either the relationship can be killed through conflict, fighting, resentment, and contention, or it can starve and wither away from a lack of bonding activities together: hobbies, affection, and doing things done together as a couple. Therefore
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Forgiveness in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In any casual, dating, or married relationship, offenses will come. Whether intentional or unintentional, eventually our partner will hurt us and offend us. At other times, we will offend them. Some of these offenses come from gender differences, different values, principles, or priorities, selfishness, insensitivity, and so on. At other times, neither side is necessarily right or wrong, but certain
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When Will I Get Married?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Commonly in the LDS singles community, people desire to be married for many years or decades--but may not for a variety of reasons. Often marriage seems delayed. Some have never been married, others are divorced or widowed. Many if not most LDS singles would like to be married but they are often scared. While some fear possible rejection and failure, others suffer from social anxiety and the overall
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What's Wrong With Me?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A common statement I've heard from single LDS members frustrated with their situation is "what's wrong with me?" Or, "everyone else seems to be able to find someone. Why can't I?" This question, depending on how it is asked, can either be helpful and productive, or negative and self defeating. The Questions We Ask Ourselves The great self-help coach Anthony Robbins once said that "the
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Doug and Debbie Downersby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) If you are single, looking to date, in a relationship, engaged, or married, there is one piece of advice I would like to give to help you hopefully attract and keep a great partner and spouse in your life. This is, be careful and watch to minimize your level of negativity. Negative comments and attitudes towards yourself, others, and life in general is draining, depressing, and an overall downer.
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Rescuing the Damsel in Distressby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In a previous article, I wrote about how some women tend to be attracted to and choose to be in a relationship with "the bad boy". Men also have a tendency to get involved with a troublesome type of relationship choice: the damsel in distress. A damsel in distress is basically any woman who is very troubled emotionally, practically, or otherwise, which is attractive to some men. This usually
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The In-Lawsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) It is said that when you marry someone, you also marry their entire family, for better or worse. To date and marry someone, it can be wise to pay attention to who and what you may be taking on with their extended family. Some in-law relationships are easy and harmonious, others are contentious with a lot of friction, and yet others are minimal or even non-existent, especially when they live far away.
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Are All the Good Ones Gone?A common refrain I hear in the LDS singles community goes something like "all of the good ones are already taken", "all of the good ones are already married", "there's nobody left", etc. That's not really true, but the assumption exists for a reason. It's true that when we pass our early 20s, the remaining singles will have lived more life and accumulated more experiences. These additional life experiences generally include marriage, divorce, children/potential blended families, sexual
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Being Attracted to the Bad Boyby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) So, what is it about the "bad boy"? How is it that such guys are often so attractive to so many women, both in and out of the church? Knowing that they are "trouble", how is it that so many still seem to command so much attention and attraction? What is so exciting about troubled men, when other often nicer and more respectful men are deemed too "boring", "nice", or deemed "just friends"? How is this
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Would the Grass be Greener in Another Relationship?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) When considering someone to date, when in a dating relationship, when engaged or especially when married, a normal human tendency both in and out of the church is to wonder if "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence". In other words, we wonder if another relationship besides what we are in would be better. Maybe someone else would be better looking, nicer, richer, more fun, better with
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