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Selfishness—the Destroyer of Marriageby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) When it comes to marriage, selfishness is the great destroyer. Selfishness is defined by dictionary.com as “devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others; manifesting concern or care only for oneself”. Primarily caring about oneself in a marriage often leads to neglect, hurtfulness, and a lack of consideration
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When Your Current Partner Pays for What the Ex DidPast Relationship Carryover: When Your Current Partner Pays for What the Ex Did by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Unfortunately, after a former dating partner or spouse hurts a person greatly, there is a risk, if they are not careful and conscientious, of making the current relationship partner pay for and suffer for what the ex did. No, this is not fair, right, or even logical. Even worse, such inappropriate, paranoid
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Don’t Be a Victim!by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Many of those in the LDS singles community can relate to the idea that they have been victimized by a previous dating partner, fiancé, or ex-spouse. Perhaps that describes you. Was your ex boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse verbally abusive? Physically abusive? Sexually abusive? Neglectful? Did they have addiction problems (drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography)? Infidelity (actual cheating, emotional
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New to the Dating World Again?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) If you have been in a serious, long term relationship, an engagement, or even a marriage, it can be challenging to suddenly find yourself single again after all of that time. You likely thought you wouldn’t ever be here again in this position. Thinking singlehood and the dating life was behind you, suddenly you are here again. It can be a shock and a challenging transition. Even when you saw it
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Friends or Frenemies?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) For LDS singles, friends play an important role. Besides helping to lessen loneliness and providing bonding, fun, and companionship, same sex friends can have a large impact on your dating prospects and experience. However, what varies is the degree to which certain friends actually help your dating opportunities and successes—or, in the end, hinder them. Beware the Frenemy Have you ever heard
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Can You Grow to Be Attracted to Someone?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In many LDS singles scenes, friendships and connections are common. Romantic relationship, less so. Romantic attraction is a mysterious mixture of physical appeal, personality, and other intangibles. All of these factors taken together add up to feeling like “more than friends”. A common frustration in singles scenes occurs when a person theoretically or practically “seems like” they would be a good
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Single and Feeling Like a Second Class Member?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) The emphasis on marriage and family in the church can be a double-edged sword. When married and with kids, most members feel validated as a complete, whole member because of the tremendous church emphasis on getting married and having kids. Unfortunately, conversely, members—whether married or not—without kids often feel like they do not fit in. In addition, single members with or without kids often
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Appreciating the Opposite Sexby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Today, the media is more present and prevalent in our lives today: TV, internet, radio, social media, 24/7 news coverage and talk shows, etc. In the digital and internet age, there is no end to the media and public opinion. Unfortunately, much of the media has found over the years that it will increase viewers/listeners/readers/ratings by instilling some combination of the following three negative
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Money Issuesby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Most couples fight about money. Paul says in the scriptures that the “love of money is the root of all evil” (I Timothy 6:10). And yet, goods and services cost money and there is no getting around the need to deal with money and money issues. Research and clinical practice have shown that usually (but not every time) women complain that their husbands don’t earn enough and husbands complain that
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In-Law Issuesby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) There are a short list of about 5 common issues I see most in my office as a couples/marriage therapist. These issues include communication/conflict resolution issues, money/work, sex, addictions, and in-law issues. In-law issues can loosely relate to a partner’s parents, siblings, other extended family, and even in a sense, their close friends as well. One of the biggest challenges that quickly
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When Traditional Husband and Wife Roles Aren’t Possibleby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) The Lord in his wisdom created man and woman with different thoughts, feelings, instincts, and roles. From the beginning, man and woman, husband and wife were created and assigned the following roles: Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto
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Trying Too Hardby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A good rule of thumb in life: the problems in life tend to occur at the extremes. In dating and searching for an eternal companion, that can equate to trying too hard to find a spouse or not trying hard enough. But what does it mean to “try too hard”? It simply means when with a potential new love interest, you make notably more efforts than the other person: giving significantly more time, energy
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Anger Management Ideasby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the main causes of pain, stress, trauma, and resentment in a dating or married relationship is when one or both partners has a big problem with anger management. Years ago when I was a new intern therapist at Utah State University's marriage & family therapy program, I worked at a non-profit social service agency named The Family Connection Center in Clearfield. My first duty was the
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Getting Ready for Another Relationshipby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Almost all LDS singles have had their heart broken at least once before. Divorce, failed engagement, or just regular breakups result in different levels of pain, frustration, and emotional scars. Until and unless a relationship is forever, the rest…won't be. Resulting from such pain involves a natural and understandable phenomenon that I call the "self protect" syndrome. This refers to part inside
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Feminism Versus Masculinityby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In 1995, the First Presidency released The Family: A Proclamation to the World, which included the following: All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and
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Rescue, Fix, and Save: White Knightsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Cinderella. Snow White. Sleeping Beauty. Other classic Disney princesses. What do they all have in common? They were all rescued and saved from their unhealthy, unhappy existence from a man all too eager and willing to save them. A prince. A knight on a white horse. A white knight coming in to make it all better. Cinderella was saved from her wicked stepmother. Snow White was saved from a jealous
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