Friends or Frenemies?

Friends or Frenemies? by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist (FREE LDS online dating site)

For LDS singles, friends play an important role. Besides helping to lessen loneliness and providing bonding, fun, and companionship, same sex friends can have a large impact on your dating prospects and experience. However, what varies is the degree to which certain friends actually help your dating opportunities and successes—or, in the end, hinder them.

Beware the Frenemy

Have you ever heard the old saying, “with friends like that, who needs enemies?” Well, that is the basic idea of what a frenemy. According to the Urban Dictionary, a “frenemy” is as follows:

The type of "friend" whose words or actions bring you down (whether you realize it as intentional or not). The type of friend you ought to cut off but don't cuz...they're nice... good've had good times with them. U know...they're good people that you can count on to bring you down again sometime in the near future. The friend you may or may not have cornered about their quicksand like ways and keep around because "its in the past"...and so was one minute ago. The person that will continue to bring you down until you demand better for yourself.


In the LDS dating scene, a frenemy may be fun when you hang out together, even can be quite popular, but will engage in detrimental actions. Examples of frenemy behaviors can include negative gossip, backbiting, slander, excessive cliquishness, discouraging good dating opportunities for you, encouraging poor dating opportunities for you, and engage in competing for attention from the same love interest as you. Other negative actions of a frenemy include excessive pessimism, cynicism, and negativity, argumentativeness, “oneupsmanship”, having to be the center of attention, and an overall selfishness and self-centeredness.

Beware of such “friends”. Such will end up acting as “emotional vampires” in your life, leaving you drained and down. In my opinion, such “friends” should be either eliminated out of your life or you need to at least limit your exposure and interactions with such dangerous, difficult people. The fun isn’t worth the ways they ultimately drag you down.

Quality Friends

Quality friends are the opposite of frenemies. Good friends work to uplift, support, encourage, help, and give. Good friends truly root for and promote your dating success and happiness in life in general. Friends allow the focus to evenly be about you. Friends ask about you and then truly listen and support conversations focused on you. Good friends initiate talking, interactions, and get togethers at least as often as you do. Quality, good friends minimize negative gossip, slander, or backbiting, finding more positive ways to support you and keep the conversation more positive in general.

In the dating arena, friends introduce you to or suggest quality dating options to you when they can. They truly want you to succeed and are really happy for you when you find someone good for you. Good friends emphasize what they truly feel is best for you and will make you healthy and happy—socially and otherwise. Friends ask about you, listen to you, want to know about you, and overall take a good, healthy interest in you. Good friends are mainly givers and less takers. Good friends also are good quality people in general in life. The “salt of the earth”. Good friends can be hard to find, but you only need a few. Look for such quality people in your life, and keep these connections as long as possible. You will be glad you did.

Final Thought:

Surround yourself with quality friends that uplift, versus frenemies that will drain you and drag you down. Friends will help you find and succeed with a healthy dating and relationship life. Good friends will help you succeed and support you to date, marry, and be happy. Give good friendship, and require this from others. Such relationships will be an important key to relationships success as a single. Give yourself this support and offer it to others so that eventually everyone can have a healthy, happy dating and married relationship. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).

Dr. G

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2018-05-07 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships

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About the author

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (, practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at; email me questions to