by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
Today, the media is more present and prevalent in our lives today: TV, internet, radio, social media, 24/7 news coverage and talk shows, etc. In the digital and internet age, there is no end to the media and public opinion. Unfortunately, much of the media has found over the years that it will increase viewers/listeners/readers/ratings by instilling some combination of the following three negative emotions in others: fear, anger, and greed. Unfortunately when it comes to men, women, relationships, and gender issues/differences, the goal is to trigger those same emotions towards the opposite sex--promoting conflict and contention. Blame, shame, guilt, anger, arguments, and so on make for the comedy and drama of a captivating show. Unfortunately, when those in society hear and absorb such gender and relationship conflict so often, negative societal attitudes tend to follow. So how is someone to prepare for, choose, and enjoy a healthy, happy relationship when the opposite sex…when the opposite sex is painted as the enemy? Tough sell.
Suggestion 1: Limit or Turn off the Media
The simple solution to lessening negative attitudes towards the opposite sex is be much more selective about what media you expose yourself to and how much. Usually, “less is more”: the less angry, blaming, contentious shows pitting men and women against each other, the better. Be careful about what you expose yourself to, and don’t be afraid to turn something off. Some people avoid such shows altogether, while others keep it minimal. Still others simply swap in somewhat safer program choices such as sports, light comedy, positive shows, and other non-political choices. Even better: try to find those rare programs that actually promote happy couples who actually treat each other well.
Suggestion 2: Look for the Best in the Other Gender
With the relationships and other role models around you, always search for happy couples where partners treat each other with kindness, respect, affection, and love. Look for this in the media you watch, the articles you read, the audios you listen to. What is positive, uplifting, and encouraging? What promotes hope, happiness, love, and connection? When your eyes and ears search for such people and materials, you find more of it. In short, that which we focus on, we amplify. So men, please look for positive female role models showing happiness, appreciation, and admiration towards men. And women, look for male role models showing respect, kindness, and consideration towards women. Search for the positive exceptions and let them guide you to find likewise.
Suggestion: Beware of Your Self-Talk
Sadly, most people have negative thoughts and attitudes floating around in their minds about the opposite sex which if not noticed and challenged, will erode their gender attitudes and create self-defeating tendencies in relationships. So, stay self-aware. Notice the thoughts and attitudes floating around in your head. If they are negative, catch them and challenge them. If they are positive, keep them and enhance them.
One would hope and think it obvious that if you are hoping and planning to meet, fall in love with, and marry someone from the opposite sex, you have a far greater chance of doing so if you actually…like, admire, and enjoy the opposite sex. On the other hand, if you dislike the opposite sex or ever worse, see them as the enemy, making a future marriage work under such conditions will be a constant uphill battle.
We are commanded to marry. Man and woman were created with the idea that they complement each other. Gender differences and roles are a big part of pre-mortal, mortal, and post-mortal identity. Let’s trust that the Lord knew what he was doing when he designed them. Let’s enjoy the differences—masculinity and femininity. Let’s enjoy each other and share our different approaches to life to enhance and enrich each other. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
INFO FOR READERS--
*To submit a question for a future Q & A column or to request a possible future article subject, contact me at email@example.com.
**Do you struggle with pornography or another addictive tendency? Do you struggle with eating issues or want to lose weight? Anxiety issues? Other issues, challenges, or problems? Consider my special custom hypnosis recording service for fellow LDS members only, available worldwide by online delivery. A powerful, effective, convenient tool for change. Learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds or email me questions at firstname.lastname@example.org. Completely private and confidential.
|2018-03-15||Randy Gilchrist||Dating, Healthy relationships|
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to email@example.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to firstname.lastname@example.org).