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Emotional EatingWhen we feel difficult emotions, we often look to a quick, easy, convenient, powerful solution to ease, escape, or numb the pain. Emotions such as loneliness, boredom, stress, anxiety, depression, etc., often lead to a desire for quick relief. As members of the church attempting to maintain good standing in the faith, options utilized by many outside the church are not options. Such addictive outlets include alcohol, illicit drug use, gambling, sexually acting out, etc. Therefore, a very common
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Game Playing and Mixed MessagesAs boys and girls became more interested in each other in elementary school, did you remember how they started playing games with each other? The first games often consisted of simple teasing, joking, and making fun of each other, often with some light name calling or put downs. Such games allowed for the safest interaction. Boys and girls could begin to interact, but retreat to the safety of “it’s not like I was interested in them because after all, I was making fun of them”. These
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Acting AttractiveActing attractive on the outside with your looks, body language, facial expressions, words, actions…is it important to dating? Should it be important? Well, it is if you want to…attract someone to date you. An important rule of thumb: looking, acting, and sounding attractive on the outside gives you more initial dating opportunities--more often with more people. It creates spark and butterflies. Conversely, being a quality person on the inside and treating your partner well is what gives your
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Dating--Getting Out Thereby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE online dating site) When I was growing up in the late 1970s and early 1980s, one of my favorite commercials was where the Kool-Aid man, a giant picture of red punch Kool-Aid, crashes through a wall screaming, “Oh Yeah!”. Sometimes today I think a lot of LDS singles take a similar approach to dating. Longing to be in a new relationship and marriage, many seem to wait around in the isolation of their house waiting for…their
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Dating—Does Anyone Do It Anymore?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist In today’s age of the internet, cell phones, “hanging out”, “swipe right”, “hooking up”, etc., does anyone date anymore? Like, does anyone just meet through a mutual friend at church, school, or an activity, ask for a phone number, call and ask the other out, and go on a formal date? Does that even happen anymore? Technology and changing societal norms have altered many things today and dating is one of them. Plus, in this post Harvey Weinstein era
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Who Holds the Power in the Relationship?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) An important aspect in any relationship—church member or not—is who holds the power in the relationship. Meaning, who makes the decisions, determines what is or is not done, and perhaps most importantly in dating, whether or not to continue the relationship. Ideally, both dating partners are strongly into each other and both want the relationship to be “full steam ahead”. Or, both partners are casual
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Marital Prioritiesby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A big part of the reason that so many marriages today—including temple marriages—end is because in some way, one or both spouses have a priority problem. Other things become more important than the marriage, the marriage suffers through conflict and neglect, and eventually ends. So when you marry (or marry again), this will be an opportunity to place the marriage as the top priority to give you the
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A World Hostile to MarriageToday, the world promotes a hostile attitude towards all gospel principles including and especially marriage. If Satan can split or prevent marriages, he can break apart families and cause much pain, suffering, and instability in the world. This hostility and opposition to marriage was foretold in the scriptures and in many ways, has been present from the beginning. Scriptures Tell of the Hostile Attitudes A particular scripture has strong implications for latter day hostilities. In a
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Money and RelationshipsMoney is one of the top 5 most argued about topics at home and in the couples therapy office, leading to many breakups and divorces. The topic has lead to endless friction, conflict, contention, and resentment. Why is money such a touchy topic? Because money relates to so many elements of lifestyle and in a general sense, survival. Without money, bills cannot be paid. And if bills are not paid, cars and houses are lost, credit scores are ruined, and the ability to live is greatly diminished.
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Learning to Be Happy and SingleSo, you are single and LDS. Perhaps you sometimes feel like an outsider compared to married members. You may or may have been previously married. You may or may not have kids. But either way, for whatever reason, you are currently single. Are you able to be happy as a single member? Yes. Absolutely. In this brief article, ideas will be given to help you be happy during your period of singlehood, however long it may be. First of all, I want to make it clear that in general, you will have an
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Antagonism Towards the Opposite SexMan and woman were created for each other. Opposites. Compliments. Mutual supports. Different roles. Originally in Genesis, it says: “And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the
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Why Not Me?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Sometimes LDS singles wonder things like “why not me?”, “why haven’t I found someone yet (or again)?”, “why does it seem like it always works out for everyone else?”, “what is wrong with me?”, “what do others have that I must be lacking?”, and so on. It can shake our confidence to the core as the months, years, even decades go by still single. It becomes easy to question ourselves and others around
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Selfishness—the Destroyer of Marriageby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) When it comes to marriage, selfishness is the great destroyer. Selfishness is defined by dictionary.com as “devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others; manifesting concern or care only for oneself”. Primarily caring about oneself in a marriage often leads to neglect, hurtfulness, and a lack of consideration
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When Your Current Partner Pays for What the Ex DidPast Relationship Carryover: When Your Current Partner Pays for What the Ex Did by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Unfortunately, after a former dating partner or spouse hurts a person greatly, there is a risk, if they are not careful and conscientious, of making the current relationship partner pay for and suffer for what the ex did. No, this is not fair, right, or even logical. Even worse, such inappropriate, paranoid
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Breaking Out of Introversionby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Being introverted often causes major challenges and hurdles for LDS singles trying to meet, date, and marry. Introversion is defined by dictionary.com as “the act of directing one's interest inward or to things within the self; the state of being concerned primarily with one's own thoughts and feelings rather than with the external environment”. In other words, people who are introverted are mainly
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When Are Advances Welcome?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the trickiest parts of being an LDS single (or a single in general) can be determining if a new love interest you are getting to know is in fact interested in return and welcome to your advances. Tricky because what may have been hoped to be romantic, exciting, and connective may actually be unwelcome advances. Even worse, you can come across as creepy, unwanted, and even harassing. So, how
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