by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
In today’s age of the internet, cell phones, “hanging out”, “swipe right”, “hooking up”, etc., does anyone date anymore? Like, does anyone just meet through a mutual friend at church, school, or an activity, ask for a phone number, call and ask the other out, and go on a formal date? Does that even happen anymore? Technology and changing societal norms have altered many things today and dating is one of them. Plus, in this post Harvey Weinstein era, do men even feel safe to go through this process and ask a woman out on a date today? Is he afraid to be possible accused of being a “creeper”, a “stalker”, or a “harasser”? Often men feel the need to get to know her better and find that the “coast is clear” before progressing anything.
Well, even though these factors have lessened some of what otherwise has been the traditional dating scene, I don’t think we need to “throw the baby out with the bathwater”. There does seem to be a need today to be rather careful and cautious with proceeding with a new relationship for a variety of reasons. Nevertheless, dating, meaning, get to know you one-on-one dating, is still a highly effective path to marriage when it is done traditionally and with the potential purpose of marriage. In the old days, this kind of dating was called “courting”. It still works today.
If you are willing and wanting to reembrace dating as a path towards marriage (or remarriage) what can you do, given the challenging and changing climate out there? Here are a few suggestions:
*Decide and make a commitment. Make a decision inside to be a dater. Be proactive. Look to get to know people face-to-face that could be potential people to date in as many ways as you can.
*Open up and be more sociable. Practice talking to strangers and acquaintances when you can. Get to know people. Using technology is fine, but sharpening your skills in real life situations will equip you best socially. Live encounters will also help you best determine real life chemistry and connection (or lack thereof).
*Get out of the house. When you don’t have anyone to date one-on-one, at least get out of the house, whether by yourself or with friends. Go to places where people socialize, have a good time, and talk to people. Church activities, dances/clubs, concerts, plays, service events, even the mall. Wherever people gather to have a good time and mingle, spend some time there. Chat. Engage in small talk with others. Nobody is going to be kicking down your door to find you at your house. You have to get out there.
*Expand your circle of friends. The best and most effective way to meet a quality person to date is through an introduction through a mutual friend or acquaintance if possible. The more friends you make and have, the more chances you will have of one of them having a friend, family member, coworker, etc., that they can introduce you to.
*Challenge your negative attitudes. There is an old saying: “nothing positive ever came from something negative”. I think that that is generally a true statement. So if you have a negative attitude about dating and the dating world, you are making it much harder for yourself to be successful in your dating life. Your obvious repulsion to the social scene will shine forth and you will repel people when you are negative. Find ways and reasons to see and expect the best with your local dating scene. Make the best of what is available.
*Be careful of your negative associates. If you have friends, family members, coworkers, or others in your life that have strongly negative attitudes about dating and the dating world, you may need to limit your contact with/around them. Or at least let them know you do not care to hear and be influenced by their negative statements on the subject. Otherwise, it is likely that their negative attitude will eventually rub off on you.
As challenging as it is out there in the dating world today, you can still have success. All you need is one good person and connection! It is worth the risk because as the saying goes, “the greater the risk, the greater the reward”. Also: “Why not go out on a limb? That is where all of the fruit is”. Go be proactive, positive, and give yourself the best chance possible for dating and relationship success. You can do it and this is how it was meant to be: man and woman together. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
INFO FOR READERS--
*To submit a question for a future Q & A column or to request a possible future article subject, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
**Do you struggle with pornography or another addictive tendency? Do you struggle with eating issues or want to lose weight? Anxiety issues? Other issues, challenges, or problems? Consider my special custom hypnosis recording service for fellow LDS members only, available worldwide by online delivery. A powerful, effective, convenient tool for change. Learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds or email me questions at email@example.com. Completely private and confidential.
|2018-09-02||Randy Gilchrist||Dating, Healthy relationships|
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to email@example.com).