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Why Stay Active?It is generally harder to stay active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as a single than it is when you are married. It is also generally harder to stay active in the church if you do not have children than if you do. There are several theories for these challenges. However, the most common theory is because we have a church that greatly emphasizes marriage and family in our talks, our doctrine, our program, and our activities. Marriage and family is promoted as the ideal
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What Men Want Women to Know About MenOne of the first articles I wrote for LDS Dimension was the article “What Do Men Want” (see https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-men-want-3/). In this article, I gave a basic summary of the most common things men tend to want, like, and need in a relationship (and if it gets them a marriage) with a woman. These traits are, from my experience, pretty universal whether the men and women are members of the church or not. So as an extension of that article, I wanted to share some
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Physical Attractiveness: A Mixed MessageAs members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have been taught numerous messages about looks and physical attractiveness, often as negative or cautious messages. Namely, that looks don’t matter much, that a looks focus is overly prideful and superficial, that focusing too much on your looks is a poor priority, etc. On the other hand, being a single member of the church necessitates a focus on looks to a degree to help attract others and produce greater opportunities for
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Marriage and Relationship QuotesAs a clinical psychologist and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have shared many quotes from general authorities with my clients over the years who are fellow members. In this article I will be sharing several quotes that I’ve found has special significance and direction for single church members especially (regarding marriage, relationships, gender, etc.). I feel some of these quotes will be what some members were needing to read at this time in their lives
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Vs LonelinessInstinctively and spiritually, we all have certain feelings and yearnings that serve to prompt us to action. One of the most primal, powerful feelings existing in us all is a desire for connection, companionship, and relationship. The relationship between a man and a woman is a powerful thing. So when we are without that kind of main connection in our lives, it is natural and appropriate for us to feel subtle to strong feelings of loneliness until we have that relationship. Utilized correctly
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Why Marriage MattersA modern attitude in the world today is that marriage doesn’t matter. Accordingly, marriage rates around the globe are plummeting versus previous years and decades. Much of modern philosophy takes the position that marriage is just the subjugation of women. That it is limiting and just gets in the way of career development, travel, shopping, fun, hobbies, etc. That it just leads to having kids, which traps you, is a drag, and might be good to delay or forgo altogether. So as members of the
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The Differences Between Member Couples and Non-Member CouplesMy first session of psychotherapy was in Logan, Utah in February, 1997 (during my master’s program at Utah State University). From then until now, I have done thousands of couples therapy sessions with both members (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), as well as non-member couples. This has included those who are dating, engaged, and living together, but mostly those who are married. Sometimes fellow members of the church will ask me what the differences are between member
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The Best Ways to Meet OthersAn important question for those in the dating world is, “what are the most effective ways to meet new people to date?” Some ways are definitely better and more successful than others. Research on the subject has shown some interesting findings. As reviewed at https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-meeting-their-significant-others-in-2018-8075828, a 2018 survey about dating from technology company ReportLinker, surveyed over 550 respondents, ages 18-64, who were married or in
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Looking for the Best in OthersWhen church members are single, have had previous relationship failures and frustrations, and are again looking for a new dating partner—hopefully, an eternal spouse—the stakes are high but the confidence and security are often low. Many singles feel “snakebitten” and understandably are cautious, careful, and hesitant to give new relationships a chance. No one wants to get hurt and let down again. Yet, problems in life come in the extremes, including overly focusing on the negatives. When hurt
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Dealing with DifferencesIn general, the more similar couples are--with their attitudes, interests, politics, religious ideas, hobbies, and so on--the bigger the advantage they have. It becomes easier to get along, to bond, and to have agreeable and enjoyable time together. However, men and women will still be…different in many ways. We naturally think, act, and feel differently. We interpret the world differently. Such differences can potentially cause frustration, conflict, and misunderstanding. So, how do couples
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Dating—Continuing to TryOne of the hardest things to do in life is to keep trying after past frustrations, failures, heartache, and heartbreak. This is especially true in the case of the dating world. Unreturned interest, ghosting, tough break ups, divorce and custody situations…there are many ways relationships can go badly. Understandably after such pain and disappointment, many people are tempted to give up the dating and relationships in general. Once a person feels snake bitten, it can be tough to keep trying.
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Stop Beating Yourself UpAs we know, one of the central tenants as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is marriage, especially the ideal of getting married in the temple. But…that ideal doesn’t work out for everyone, at least as planned. Some will never get married in this life for various reasons. Others will divorce. Whether or not marriage (or remarriage) will happen for you in this life will be shown over time. Just stay active, faithful, and keep trying. In the meantime, what do you tell
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When the Infatuation LeavesOne of the most enjoyable aspects of the beginning of a relationship is the infatuation phase. Often this time involves extremely powerful feelings of excitement, passion, obsession, daydreaming, butterflies, etc. The purpose of the infatuation phase of a relationship is to be a quick and powerful agent to bring people together and get things started and going. Endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin flow strongly and freely. It seems for a while that permanent bliss will be present forever
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Your Ideal Weight?Weight is a touchy subject among church members, singles, and people in general. What is the ideal weight? Depends on how you look at it. Some sides of modern society and the media promote self-acceptance of weight and body image, whatever the weight. Such approaches to weight approach the issue from a personal self-esteem and self-worth angle (i.e., a psychological and emotional perspective). From a different dating perspective, getting into better shape is usually a bonus to attract a new
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Are You Comfortable Single?Some of you reading this have always been single, others have been divorced, still others, widowed. Whatever you circumstance, you are most likely a single member of the church if you are reading this. How should you feel about being single? If you have a history of being in unhealthy, unhappy relationships in the past, you might understandably feel relieved, peaceful, even content. And truly, being single and alone can truly be a much better position to be in then being in an unhealthy
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Online Dating Profile TipsToday your online dating profile will go a long way to determine whether a dating prospect will consider you or not. Often, people will be turned off by your profile and either never give you a chance or they will ghost you after some brief exchanges if they don’t like what they see. Rarely will they ever let you know specifically why they lost interest. If the conversation was good but they still drop out of interacting with you, there is a decent chance the main reason was because of
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