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Codependency: Maybe It's You?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Even though "codependency" is not an official/formal psychological diagnosis in the DSM-V (the official book we psychologists get out classifications from), this is still a rather useful term in understanding certain unhealthy relational struggles and challenges. The origin of this term ties back to the group "Adult Children of Alcoholics", now more formally known as "Al-Anon"--the groups for family
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Q & A--What Leads to Divorce in LDS Marriages?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Question: From your experience as a therapist for the church, what are the top 3 reasons for divorce? And what can singles do now to prepare for marriage that can eliminate/decrease those elements in future relationships? Answer: Yes, good question. I have worked with LDS couples in therapy for 20 years, including 5 years at LDS Family Services. Thinking about it, I'd say the following are
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Beware the Borderline PersonalityOne of the most dangerous and difficult personality disorders to beware of in the dating world--LDS and otherwise--is the "Borderline Personality Disorder". What causes the Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) is unknown. Some studies have tied this disorder to having gone through extreme physical or sexual abuse, neglect, or abandonment, others to biological and hormonal factors. Still, the exact cause or causes is still unclear. This disorder is predominantly female and is truly a
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Q & A: Help! He Won't Commitby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Question: I just discovered I'm in love.. and dating a guy that is ASPIE.. Intelligent (Boeing Engineer) BYU GRAD.. 53 yr old never married no kids.. I begun to suspect it in Feb of 2016.. he hides it really well.. he's fun and articulate. (I'm a librarian and most men simply aren't smart enough and I'm starved intellectually). So he's been dropping hints for more than a year but...he's never come
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Narcissists--What to Watch Forby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter known for his great beauty. He was proud, self-absorbed, and had great disdain towards those that family and friends that loved him. Narcissus eventually came across a reflective pool where he enjoyed looking at himself all day. In fact, Narcissus completely fell in love with his own reflection, not even realizing it was just a reflection. He stayed looking
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Where to Find Your Next Relationshipby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the most common complaints I hear from LDS singles from 18-80 is, "where can I meet someone?" And by someone, they are meaning a basically good, nice, decent fellow LDS single member who would make for good commitment material, perhaps even a temple marriage. Many complain that "there is nobody out there" or "all of the good ones are taken". Nobody? All of the good ones? Not true. And it's a
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Discovering Players and Fakers in the Dating Worldby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In the dating world, a common complaint often goes like this: "he was so nice in the beginning, but then…", or "she was great in the beginning, but then her dark side came out..". How will you know if a new dating prospect or partner is just a really a good person, or just putting their best foot forward with something far more ominous lurking beneath? That's the trick: to find out and choose
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Should I Give Up Trying to Find Someone?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Dating in the LDS Singles community can be fraught with emotional and psychological challenges: frustration, anger, sadness, resentment, jealousy, loneliness, self-esteem challenges, disappointment, bitterness, anxiety, guilt, and so on. Perhaps the most common challenge is the routine feeling of frustration over desiring to have someone to date and eventually marry, only to have relationships fail
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Overcoming Being Needy or Clingy in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) As stated in my last article, "to be overly needy or clingy in a relationship is to be overly insecure and desirous of continual reassurance of one's acceptance and desirability". If you have determined you struggle with being needy or clingy and would like to change, I will offer a few ideas here to help you improve. Suggestion 1: Balanced Giving in Relationships If you are giving and trying
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How LDS Dating Sites WorkIn the LDS singles community, there is an ebb and flow of dating sites that are around. The Catch-22 with any dating site is that it needs a critical mass of people to become useful, and people won’t use it until you have a critical mass, so it is very hard to get new people in at a fast enough pace to keep them interested and coming back. What I am to do in this article is touch briefly on a few and then explain how the 800 pound gorilla in this market segment, LDS Planet, manipulates you into
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Are You Needy or Clingy in Relationships?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) To be overly needy or clingy in a relationship is to be overly insecure and desirous of continual reassurance of one's acceptance and desirability. Such an approach to relationships may seem somewhat attractive or "cute" at first, but over time this tendency will wear thin and eventually repel the other partner. Neediness and clinginess will often drain a relationship over time until there is no more
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My "White Paper" on LDS SinglesIn 2013 I was newly single and got heavily involved in the singles scene in church and was looking for ways to improve it at all levels as part of magnifying my calling as the Ward Singles Rep. I put together this set of notes, which doesn't really read like an article, but has a lot of useful information in it for all sorts of people. I've shared it with many other singles reps in the church since the time I wrote it and everyone has gotten a benefit from it. Please enjoy. Overview The
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Eliminating Relational Cynicismby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Cynicism is defined as "an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest self-interest; skepticism" (source: Google dictionary). After suffering months, years, even decades of relational failures, frustrations, and pain; after suffer letdowns, breakups, even divorces, it can be quite easy and natural to become cynical about the opposite sex and relationships in general. We
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THE GOSPEL AND DIVORCEESBy Guest Columnist Jeff Teichert I want to make an observation about the effect I have seen of divorce on many midsingles' relationship to the Church and their spirituality. Like any generalization, there are plenty of exceptions and it does not perfectly describe any situation. I have seen many divorced members of the Church falling into one of two camps: First is the group that believes they bought a pig in a poke. They believed they were told if they stayed active in Church, paid
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Coping with Lonelinessby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) "…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18). It is not good that man or woman should be alone, in fact. Built into us as people is an innate, physical, spiritual, and emotional need to have someone. To marry, to share your life with that special someone. And when we don't have that special someone, it is very common to feel lonely. To long and
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Understanding Masculinity and Femininity"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him…Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:18, 24). A strong case is made from the beginning that we, as men and women, need companionship with each other. Men are women compliment and complete each other. Masculine/feminine, male/female, man/woman, the two genders were meant to be together. Because
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