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Battling the Grass is Greener Attitude in Datingby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Dating in the LDS singles community is influenced by a number of avenues that can lead to a "you're good, but I can do better" attitude. And where does this "grass is greener" attitude come from? Several possible areas. We are all bombarded with ideas of what more and what better we supposedly can have and deserve from numerous sources in life. Some of this challenge comes in the ideal, slick
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Bonding Acting Togetherby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) I've heard it said as a psychologist that a relationships is like a living organism that, if you aren't careful, can die in a couple of possible ways. Either the relationship can be killed through conflict, fighting, resentment, and contention, or it can starve and wither away from a lack of bonding activities together: hobbies, affection, and doing things done together as a couple. Therefore
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Control and Decision Making in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Whether dating, engaged, or married, every relationship has one partner that tends to "wear the pants". This old fashion term relates to whomever tends to make most of the major and big decisions in the relationship, as well as whatever small decisions matter to the partner in charge. Wearing the pants in the relationship was traditionally a term related to men, since women used to only wear skirts
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Forgiveness in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In any casual, dating, or married relationship, offenses will come. Whether intentional or unintentional, eventually our partner will hurt us and offend us. At other times, we will offend them. Some of these offenses come from gender differences, different values, principles, or priorities, selfishness, insensitivity, and so on. At other times, neither side is necessarily right or wrong, but certain
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How to Engage in Small Talkby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the biggest challenges I have heard from LDS singles (and the singles community in general) revolve around small talk. Chatting with a new or prospective partner before, during, or after a date can sometimes be very challenging. Knowing what to say, how to say it, and what not to say can be very difficult for some. Awkward pauses, awkward silence, nervous laughter, rambling, offending the
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Universal Beauty Indicatorsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A famous scripture from the old testament reads as follows: "…the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (I Samuel 16:7). So, if the man (and the woman) "looketh on the outward appearance", is that wrong? I don't think so. We are built this way for a reason. Physical attraction between men and women is an instinctive trait designed
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Hormones or the Spirit?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the most challenging decisions we will ever make as LDS members is who to marry, when, and where. All of those decisions matter, and all of these decisions can be influences from a number of sources. Two of the stronger and more influential sources of influence come in the form of hormones and the Spirit, also known as the influence of the Holy Ghost. Sometimes the two sources of influence
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When Will I Get Married?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Commonly in the LDS singles community, people desire to be married for many years or decades--but may not for a variety of reasons. Often marriage seems delayed. Some have never been married, others are divorced or widowed. Many if not most LDS singles would like to be married but they are often scared. While some fear possible rejection and failure, others suffer from social anxiety and the overall
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LDS Singles and The Law of Chastityby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A common difficulty for LDS singles is the challenge to stay morally clean and to obey the law of chastity. The law of chastity for fellow members of the church, whether married or single, is the same. The lds.org section on chastity spells out the requirements pretty clearly: "Physical intimacy…God has commanded that this sacred power be expressed only between a man and a woman who are legally
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What's Wrong With Me?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A common statement I've heard from single LDS members frustrated with their situation is "what's wrong with me?" Or, "everyone else seems to be able to find someone. Why can't I?" This question, depending on how it is asked, can either be helpful and productive, or negative and self defeating. The Questions We Ask Ourselves The great self-help coach Anthony Robbins once said that "the
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Doug and Debbie Downersby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) If you are single, looking to date, in a relationship, engaged, or married, there is one piece of advice I would like to give to help you hopefully attract and keep a great partner and spouse in your life. This is, be careful and watch to minimize your level of negativity. Negative comments and attitudes towards yourself, others, and life in general is draining, depressing, and an overall downer.
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Rescuing the Damsel in Distressby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In a previous article, I wrote about how some women tend to be attracted to and choose to be in a relationship with "the bad boy". Men also have a tendency to get involved with a troublesome type of relationship choice: the damsel in distress. A damsel in distress is basically any woman who is very troubled emotionally, practically, or otherwise, which is attractive to some men. This usually
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Whittling Down Your Dating Poolby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Sometimes in dating, you might find yourself liking and being attracted to more than one potential partner. Or, sometimes you might be dating more than one person at the same time. Eventually, it comes to a point where you need to make a decision: date one, end the relationship with the other, or end the relationship with both of them. Perhaps you begin to feel guilty. Perhaps you become concerned
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The In-Lawsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) It is said that when you marry someone, you also marry their entire family, for better or worse. To date and marry someone, it can be wise to pay attention to who and what you may be taking on with their extended family. Some in-law relationships are easy and harmonious, others are contentious with a lot of friction, and yet others are minimal or even non-existent, especially when they live far away.
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Double Standards in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) According to the Webster dictionary, a double standard refers to "a situation in which two people, groups, etc., are treated very differently from each other in a way that is unfair to one of them". In relationships specifically, a double standard occurs when one partner is allowed to engage in certain behaviors or habits that the other partner is not allowed to do. The hypocrisy of such double
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Are All the Good Ones Gone?A common refrain I hear in the LDS singles community goes something like "all of the good ones are already taken", "all of the good ones are already married", "there's nobody left", etc. That's not really true, but the assumption exists for a reason. It's true that when we pass our early 20s, the remaining singles will have lived more life and accumulated more experiences. These additional life experiences generally include marriage, divorce, children/potential blended families, sexual
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