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My "White Paper" on LDS SinglesIn 2013 I was newly single and got heavily involved in the singles scene in church and was looking for ways to improve it at all levels as part of magnifying my calling as the Ward Singles Rep. I put together this set of notes, which doesn't really read like an article, but has a lot of useful information in it for all sorts of people. I've shared it with many other singles reps in the church since the time I wrote it and everyone has gotten a benefit from it. Please enjoy. Overview The
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Eliminating Relational Cynicismby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Cynicism is defined as "an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest self-interest; skepticism" (source: Google dictionary). After suffering months, years, even decades of relational failures, frustrations, and pain; after suffer letdowns, breakups, even divorces, it can be quite easy and natural to become cynical about the opposite sex and relationships in general. We
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THE GOSPEL AND DIVORCEESBy Guest Columnist Jeff Teichert I want to make an observation about the effect I have seen of divorce on many midsingles' relationship to the Church and their spirituality. Like any generalization, there are plenty of exceptions and it does not perfectly describe any situation. I have seen many divorced members of the Church falling into one of two camps: First is the group that believes they bought a pig in a poke. They believed they were told if they stayed active in Church, paid
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Coping with Lonelinessby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) "…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18). It is not good that man or woman should be alone, in fact. Built into us as people is an innate, physical, spiritual, and emotional need to have someone. To marry, to share your life with that special someone. And when we don't have that special someone, it is very common to feel lonely. To long and
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Understanding Masculinity and Femininity"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him…Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:18, 24). A strong case is made from the beginning that we, as men and women, need companionship with each other. Men are women compliment and complete each other. Masculine/feminine, male/female, man/woman, the two genders were meant to be together. Because
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Gender Roles and Differences: Knowledge is Powerby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In today's world, modern philosophy and attitudes on gender roles and differences can be basically deduced to the idea that "men and women are the same, we have just had some different socialization (environmental learning). However, as a clinical psychologist, as a marriage & family therapy and as a fellow LDS member, I know that this is a false concept. A "philosophy of man". Men and women are
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Physical Chemistry--How Important Is It?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Physical "chemistry" in a relationship sense can be loosely thought of as "spark", "connection", "butterflies", "infatuation", "physical attraction", "hormones", "clicking together", and so on. I am regularly asked how important I think chemistry is in a dating and married relationship. The answer to the question is both simple and complex at the same time. Simply put, physical chemistry is very
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Is He or She the Right One?So, you're dating a fellow member of the church. Check. They seem pretty nice and together. Check. So, is he or she the right one? Should I marry them? Or, is it all wrong? Maybe I should break up with them. I don't want to make the wrong decision. How can I know for sure? If any of these questions sound familiar, you are not alone. Making the decision on whether to marry someone you are steadily dating is a very important one. In fact, President Gordon B. Hinckley has said that marriage “will
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Rescuing, Fixing, and Saving in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One tendency that commonly manifests in relationships, especially LDS relationships is an unbalanced combination of one side rescuing, fixing, and saving, and the other side needing the rescuing, fixing, and saving. Some on the surface might assume, "what's wrong with that?" Well, in short, over time this discrepancy over time makes for more of an unbalanced, parent-child kind of relationship where
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Men and Women--Meant to Be Togetherby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) I always end my LDS dating articles with the scripture from Paul that "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11). And it's true. In today's world, there is a common thought that being single is fine, acceptable, normal, even preferred over being married together as husband and wife. However, this is not the Lord's way. Here are a
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Pornography and Menby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Today, access to pornographic material is as easy as turning on your internet carrying device and pushing a few key strokes. And then immediately you have access to millions and millions of pornographic sites all over the world. In our LDS church, men are in many was especially susceptible to pornography, as more severe sexual outlets involving live person to person interaction outside of marriage
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Successful Marriages Are Those That…This is a topic that I could write a great many things about and make many points. However, I choose to focus on a few points that I have found are very important. John Gottman is understood to be the world's leading expert in marriage and marital research from the University of Washington. For decades he and his research team have been studying couples in his "Love Lab": his research facility to video tape, record, and track and code behavioral interactions between couples. With this
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Fitting in at the Singles Wardby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A singles ward is by definition, a different kind of a ward. Devoid of crying babies and young children, a singles ward is theoretically set up to do two things: 1) provide a greater opportunity for single and active LDS members to meet, socialize, date, and hopefully marry, and 2) for those who feel more comfortable around fellow singles, provide a church experience to preserve their activity (which
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Grieving the Loss of a Relationshipby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the hardest elements of the LDS singles dating journey is heartache and heartbreak. The feeling of hurt and letdown when either a promising dating prospect falls apart, you discover something about the other than leads you to feel the need to break up with them, or you are dating and they break up with you. At the core of all of these painful scenarios is a mixture of frustration, hurt
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How to Be More AttractiveSingle? LDS? Wanting to attract more dating partners, hopefully, eventually a future spouse? Then the truth is that you will attract others more if you work on being more…attractive. I know it sounds obvious. However, a good number of singles have grown lax, even lazy with their efforts to be attractive, yet they wonder why they have few if any dates. Being attractive matters. It provides many more initial opportunities. So, how does a person "become more attractive"? Here are a few ideas.
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Don't Put Your Happiness on Holdby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Being single in the LDS community can be a lot of things. Hopefully, happy and enjoyable is what you will make it. Is everyone supposed to get married at some point? Yes, basically. However, until that occurs, what life will you lead and what kind of quality of life will you possess until that point? That is mainly up to you. In my psychotherapy office, I commonly have seen many mid singles share
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