When Are Advances Welcome?

When Are Advances Welcome? by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)

One of the trickiest parts of being an LDS single (or a single in general) can be determining if a new love interest you are getting to know is in fact interested in return and welcome to your advances. Tricky because what may have been hoped to be romantic, exciting, and connective may actually be unwelcome advances. Even worse, you can come across as creepy, unwanted, and even harassing. So, how can you tell if your advances to hopefully get a relationship going are welcome or not?

Signs your advances are unwelcome:

Here are 6 signs that say, “I am not interested in you, please stop pursuing me”:

1) You try to have a conversation with them and you are carrying it much more than them. You are talking much more and they are giving brief, dead end answers. Clearly they don’t want to talk to you.

2) You come in a room and they find an excuse or reason to leave pretty quickly thereafter. People who are interested in you usually don’t avoid you unless they have a social anxiety problem.

3) You look them in the eyes and they tend to look away. Again, unless the other has a social anxiety problem, looking away usually signifies disinterest.

4) When you discuss things to possibly do together, the other is always busy and has a schedule conflict. Worse, they don’t offer alternative times to meet either. (Because clearly they don’t want to).

5) Physically and verbally, you seem them acting much more flirty with other people than they act when around and with you. Around you, they act more formal, distant, and reserved. They Reciprocate your flirty effort minimally if at all. Such boundaries rebuff your efforts to get close.

6) Even worse, when you flirt with them, they can be even act overtly rude when rebuffing your efforts. Name calling, dirty looks, avoidance, exasperation, and other overt signs of rejection are common. This is them trying to clearly tell you they are not interested.

Signs your advances are welcome:

Conversely, here are 6 signs that say, “I am interested in you, please keep pursuing me and maybe we can start a relationship”:

1) You try to have a conversation with them and they reciprocate at least evenly if not more. They enlarge the conversations and ask and give open ended discussions. A very good sign of interest is easy, long conversation where they are working at least as hard at it from their end.

2) You come in a room and they not only remain, but look over at you, linger nearby, and possibly even approach you to begin a discussion. You being near is, in short, welcome.

3) You look them in the eyes and they return the favor. Inviting looks pair together with warm, open body language and an inviting facial expression.

4) When you discuss things to possibly do together, the other is in enthusiastic, interested in anything, and offers additions ideas and suggestions. Clearly, they would like to do something with you. Most anything.

5) Physically and verbally, you notice they flirt more with you than with anyone else. Clearly they are most interested in you than any other person and are saving that for you. Flirting is reciprocated, and then some.

6) Simply put, when you flirt with them, they clearly and strongly flirt back. They like what you are giving out and return the favor.

Final Thought:

An essential skill in dating is to quickly determine if someone you are interested in is in fact interested in return. If they are, please pursue accordingly. If not, please save yourself the grief and stop your pursuit as soon as possible. Be smart about it and find a partner and eventual spouse that wants you in return. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).

Dr. G

*To submit a question for a future Q & A column or to request a possible future article subject, contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.

2018-06-12 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating

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About the author

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).