Understanding men

For Her: Letting Him Know You Are Interested

For Her: Letting Him Know You Are Interested

One interesting challenge I’ve noticed with many single women both in and out of the church is the difficulty it can be letting a guy know they are interested in him. Many women have complained to me over the years that they feel they have made their interest in a man clearly known, yet he often still misses the signs. That the signs, signals, cues, and clues she has sent him are “obvious” in her opinion, yet rarely does he seem to notice, let alone act of these signs. So why is that? What is

2022-05-22 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Dating
Appreciating Masculinity

Appreciating Masculinity

In the 2020s, the media and public perception towards traditional masculinity has been largely presented in negative terms. In fact, a new term has been recently coined, “toxic masculinity”. This term can be basically defined as follows: “The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related

2022-04-23 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men
Attractors with Men:  Unwritten Forces at Work

Attractors with Men: Unwritten Forces at Work

Men. We are pretty simple creatures for the most part. We may or may not be “easy” to deal with, depending on our personality and whatever other issues we may have. But otherwise, we are usually pretty simple. This especially involves what we are attracted to with women. From my experience both as a man and as a therapist seeing these forces at work, there are a few (3) key things that tend to find especially attractive with women. To understand these traits will help women know why they are or

2021-11-07 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Healthy relationships
Attractors with Women:  Unwritten Forces at Work

Attractors with Women: Unwritten Forces at Work

We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. That common factor is what leads you to be reading this article at this time. As great as our church is, there are some natural, inherent challenges. In last week’s article I reviewed some common mixed messages that we have to navigate as active members trying to have it all and be it all. In this week’s article, it is not so much that a mixed message is given on this subject, but an incomplete message. In essence what I have

2021-10-31 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women
Attraction on Display: Danny and Sandy

Attraction on Display: Danny and Sandy

In the classic 1978 movie “Grease”, the main characters showcase what powerful male and female attraction is all about. That is mainly why this musical is still highly popular all these decades later. Danny Zuko (played by John Travolta) and Sandra “Sandy” Dee (played by Olivia Newton John) not only have a strong attraction and chemistry together, but they also demonstrate the classic, powerful traits of male and female attraction in general. Being aware of these traits can illustrate and

2021-08-30 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women
A Naturally Excellent Woman

A Naturally Excellent Woman

Over the years, clients have occasionally asked me who they think represents an ideal woman in the movies. Women have also sometimes asked me who I think an ideal woman is to strive to be like in a relationship and who represents the ideal. Men have also sometimes asked if an ideal woman exists in the movies as well to help them know what to look for and who to choose. I have thought about it and out of all of the women I have seen in the movies, one woman to me represents the ideal woman, wife

2021-02-22 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating
Comparing Looks

Comparing Looks

Whether you are male or female, looking good increases your dating stock immensely. Why? Because looking good increases romance, physical attraction, and sexual chemistry. The more people that are attracted to someone’s looks, the greater the options they will have to pick from in the dating pool. In short, looking good is important in the dating world. It is natural, instinctive, an important part of spark, connection, and giving/receiving affection. To deny the important role of looks in a

2020-06-29 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating, Psychological health
Video Games: The Dilemma

Video Games: The Dilemma

Video games come in numerous formats: Nintendo, Play Station, and X-Box. There are also PC and cell phone games as well. These games are usually played online today with fellow players from all around the world. Such games usually have no end and just build level by level, round by round. Many are “shoot ‘em up games”, others are more strategy oriented. Most cater to boys and men, although many girls and women play them too. However, on average women usually spend more time on social media

2020-06-15 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Healthy relationships
The Simplicity of Men

The Simplicity of Men

One of the more challenging things I have noticed women often struggling with is how simple men really tend to be. This usually causes a struggle in the form of confusion, frustration, and contention. As if there is more going on than there is. And yet, rarely is there more going on. In previous articles I reviewed things men tend to want, like, and need in a relationship (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-men-want-3/) as well as things that men want women to know about men

2020-05-18 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men
Common Complaints from Men

Common Complaints from Men

This is my 200th short article for LDS Dimension and other associated sites on Facebook. Over the past 4+ years I have written these weekly articles on many different topics and focuses of special interest for single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. As I was considering what topic to write on for this week, I remembered a recent comment made in a men’s Facebook group I was helping with. He basically said he didn’t feel that women even wanted to hear what single men’s

2020-04-27 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Dating
Admiring the Opposite Sex

Admiring the Opposite Sex

In the 21st century the media and society often pit men and women against each other, as well as blur and confuse ideas about gender and gender differences. As a result, it is common for men and women today to possess an antagonism towards the opposite sex, as well as a confusion about gender and gender roles/traits. What effect does this antagonism and confusion have on dating and relationships? In short, a bad effect: it is very difficult to connect with and maintain a relationship with a

2020-04-06 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating
Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

The number one most common complaint I hear from men and women in couples therapy is that they are having difficulties with communication and want to communicate better with each other. In fact, I can’t remember any couples therapy I have ever done with a couple that did not include some version of this same goal. In this article I will review some of the main common differences in the primary gendered ways and purposes (but not the only ways and purposes) men and women communicate, along with

2020-03-16 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Communication
What Men Want Women to  Know About Pornography

What Men Want Women to Know About Pornography

Pornography use among both single and married boys and men in our church—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints—is a very touchy and controversial topic. Seemingly every priesthood session of conference has a talk about the evils of pornography, full of warnings, concerns, and instructions to repent of this evil and seek help. Since 2016, Utah as a state has even declared pornography a major health crisis (see:

2020-03-02 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men
Why the High Inactivity Rate for Men?

Why the High Inactivity Rate for Men?

In a private conversation among general authorities revealed in “Mormon Leaks” (if this source is to be trusted), only about 25% of single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are active worldwide, which sounds accurate. (Source: https://religionnews.com/2016/10/05/leaked-worldwide-only-25-of-young-single-mormons-are-active-in-the-lds-church). Within those 25% active singles, there are about 3 active women for every 2 active men. In other words, there are about 50% more

2019-11-25 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Spirituality
Identifying Guys that are Players

Identifying Guys that are Players

In the dating world, both in and out of the church, it can often be difficult distinguish between guys that are “players” and guys that are genuine good, nice, decent guys. Players are usually referred to as a male, although surely women can be “players” too. But for this article, I will mainly refer to guys as the players. In the Urban Dictionary, a player is defined as follows: “Usually a boy who makes you feel special. He makes you feel like you are the only girl in his life, when really

2019-09-15 Carly Gordon Understanding men, Dating
When Others Warn

When Others Warn

One common occurrence that can be experienced as you get to know someone or begin dating is that some current or former friend, family member, or coworker of your partner has some warning for you about them. “Um, I just thought that you might like to know that he/she is/was/did______ (in the past)”, or “you might want to think twice about that person because_____”. Perhaps you are warned that your partner is abusive, neglectful, poor with money, had a bad temper, whatever. The advice may be to

2019-09-02 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating, Healthy relationships