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Issues from the Therapy OfficeMy first psychotherapy/counseling session was in February, 1997. I was in the Utah State University marriage and family therapy part of my initial master's degree program. Afterward I would go on to San Diego to my clinical psychology doctoral program. From these first therapy sessions those first few years to now all these years later, I have noticed some themes and common challenges, a few of which I’ve decided to share with you in this little article. Hopefully, you will find this
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What’s Wrong with Dating Today?If you watch older (pre-2000) TV, movies, and music, you will notice there used to be a very different attitude and vibe about dating and relationships. It seems in earlier times, there was a much more positive, hopeful, exciting attitude toward dating as well as the opposite sex in general. Today, largely the opposite exists. So, what happened? Why the negative change? There are numerous theories out there and probably multiple contributing factors. In my opinion and from my observation, there
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April 2023 Conference—Thoughts for SinglesEvery general conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I pull some different quotes that I feel could have some special significance or interest to singles. These conference thoughts represent the most current modern revelation given to the entire church on a bi-annual basis. Every conference includes some material that everyone and especially singles can use to find extra comfort, hope, direction, and inspiration. I will review a few of those thoughts now. Before I do so
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Forgiveness in RelationshipsIn dating, relationships, and marriage there is one thing you can predict and count on. That is that sometimes your partner will say or do something to offend or hurt you. Sometimes they will be acting intentionally hurtful, other times no offense was intended. In either event, hurt feelings result. And then what? Well, some partners will hold onto the offense and develop a grudge, whereas others will work to let go of the offense and forgive pretty quickly. Most of the time the result will be
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Keeping an Optimistic Attitude About DatingWhen dating, relationships, and marriage have not gone well in the past, heartache, heartbreak, and scars are common and understandable. It is also understandable that these challenges could result in a person’s self-protective mechanism inside superseding the part of themselves inside desiring relationships and connections with others. When this occurs, relationship pessimism, cynicism, avoidance, and sabotage is common. The problem is that when we are alone and lonely, depression and other
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Infatuation: Enjoying the ExcitementWhen relationships are new, the excitement of it all can be invigorating, intoxicating, and addictive. We can obsess about the other and be in a state of nirvana for a good while. The potential of something new maybe being forever and changing your life entirely is fun and exciting. So, why does the infatuation phase of a relationship get such a bad reputation within our church circles? For 2 reasons. First, we learn that infatuation can lead to lust and the crossing of lines of the law of
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The Power of Temple AttendanceIs it more difficult to be a single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints than a married member? Maybe. I would say, that depends. If married members are in unhappy and unhealthy marriages—even abusive marriages—then no. Their scenario is often harder or worse. Nevertheless, I agree that there are special challenges and difficulties for single members in the church. This includes feeling treated as lesser members sometimes, not being included in certain callings and
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When Church Socializing Goes BadlyBeing a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints offers many advantages, including for single members. One advantage is the chance to socialize with other fellow members. To bond, connect with, and fellowship with each other. This also affords us dating and relationship opportunities in the ward, stake, and with other regional singles. This is all a good thing, right? Well, it is a good thing when the socializing goes well. When we in fact bond and connect with other members in
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Emotional EatingOne of the greatest challenges we all have in this life is to control and overcome “the natural man”. As stated in the Book of Mormon: For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all
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Why Keep TryingWhen single in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are many challenges. One of the greatest challenges is to find, commit, nurture, and have a successful marriage. Ideally, a temple marriage. However, when one has experienced relational failure, heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment, it can be difficult to keep putting oneself out there. As frustrations mount, it can be natural to want to quit trying and even resign oneself to being “eternally single”. Or others may
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Gym EtiquetteA current trend going on with social media: Tik Tok, Instagram, etc. involve videos where women share videos of men behaving badly at gyms, or at least badly in her interpretation. Gym shaming videos involve women secretly or openly taping men saying or doing things she deems offensive. I have watched several of these videos and honestly, I don’t really see what is so offensive by the guy with most of these videos. The supposedly offensive moments seemed pretty innocent to me, others may feel
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The Psychology of Hair ColorColor has been shown to lead to certain emotional reactions in others and matters a good deal in how you come across to others. In this article I will give a brief review of the 4 main hair colors and the different messages and feelings hair color tends to elicit in others. The point of such as article is to 1) help you if you are considering coloring and changing your hair color, 2) help you understand how your hair color—whatever it is—sends a message and gives impressions to others about
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Choosing Our Spouses— Spiritual ConfirmationsAn area of challenge amongst single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is choice of spouse. When we choose to date, start a relationship, and marry someone, we pray about it in hopes of making the right decision. We are told to pray for guidance, direction, and inspiration. We learn we need to ask for help from the Spirit to let us know what is the right/best choice to make. So, what does that mean for the choice we ultimately make? Ask for Guidance: Here are some
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Dating Quotes from the ProphetsOne of the best things about being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is how we are led, guided, and directed by modern day prophets and modern revelation. Over the many years of restoration, much guidance has been given to the single members. I am sure I could create 100s of articles with this title that review quality dating and relationship-oriented quotes for singles. In this little article I will review some good quotes I am aware of, along with a few thoughts on
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Fear of Missing Out—FOMOIn the 1960s-70s, the classic game show “Let’s Make a Deal” put contestants in a challenging spot. Audience members were invited to make a tough decision: they could have and retain a decent prize shown to them, or choose an alternative prize or two that was hiding behind a curtain, a door, or some other concealment. Here lied the dilemma: do they stay with the known desirable prize, or do they roll the dice and choose one of the unknown options? Perhaps that unknown prize is much better, like
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Having HopeFaith, the first principle of the gospel, is defined in the scriptures as follows: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (JST Hebrews 11:1). So having hope is an essential element of faith. Furthermore, to have hope is defined in the Google dictionary as, “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” Now, why would having hope be an important principle for singles in the church to possess? Because if you are single and want to
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