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Men and Women—Why the Animosity?It is interesting. I have been doing psychotherapy with individuals, couples, and families since 1997. Over these many years I have seen numerous trends and developments, some good and some not so good. One trend that I would say has gone from bad to worse is the general relationships today between men and women. With each passing month and year, it seems the general animosity, resentment, suspicion, blame, and misunderstanding between both sides has gotten worse and worse. Why is this and what
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The Contrast Effect: Hurting AttractionThe internet has been great for many things: temple work, instant and convenient communications around the world, instantaneous access to information on most any subject, automation for businesses, and so many other things. However, the internet has also resulted in a number of new technology based problems. One notable problem primarily resulting from the internet and technology is called “the contrast effect”. Basically the relational “contrast effect” is a numbing effect where the most
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The Degrees of the Celestial KingdomA doctrinal topic of particular interest to single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the celestial kingdom. More specifically with this particular article, the differences between the 1st degree of the celestial kingdom will be examined versus the 2nd and 3rd degrees, according to the scriptures. What are these differences and why do they matter to single members? We do know the top degree of the celestial kingdom is for those who have a temple marriage and are
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Weight Loss IdeasWould losing weight help your dating and relationship prospects? Maybe. Probably. Would it also help you to have greater energy, a better mood, and be physically healthier? Yes, definitely. Today in the United States, 2/3 of people are mathematically defined as “overweight” (BMI 25-29) and 1/3 of people are “obese” (BMI 30+). So if you are a part of the 2/3 of people that could stand to lose some weight, hopefully the ideas shared in this little article will help you get started on the path to
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Conference Quotes, October 2022In every general conference, there are great talks and quotes for everyone. And part of that “everyone” includes single members of the church. In this article, as I have done in the past, several quotes of particular relevance, usefulness, and applicability to single members will be shared and reviewed. The spirit of this article’s purpose is contained in this classic truth: “Beware of those who would set up the dead prophets against the living prophets, for the living prophets always take
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Being HappyI have heard it said before that when we are happy, we better match up with another happy person in a relationship. You give out happiness and then attract it better in return. The happier we are individually, the better the journey will be as a single member of the church as well. That doesn’t mean you don’t desire marriage and companionship. It means you are happy in your current life right now and will be even happier with a positive relationship, commitment, and marriage in the future. So
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Initial ImpressionsI remember reading research stating that the initial impressions we have of others is accurate (meaning, persistent) about 80% of the time. In other words, how a person comes across to us upon our initial meeting with them and as we first begin to get to know them usually continues from there far more often than not. I did a related article on first impressions that you may wish to check out. You can see it here: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/first-impressions-46/. So, what does
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Finding Someone Who Appreciates the Opposite SexThe general climate in the world today is, unfortunately, full of negativity and antagonism. The media especially aims to stir and trigger the unpleasant feelings of fear and anger to draw more ratings: viewers, readers, or listeners. The media is a business, so please remember this. To stir this fear and anger, the media commonly places different people into different groups, and then pits these groups of people against each other. The more the media can get different groups to fear and be
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Hope for HealingIn order to have a good future relationship, it is important to heal notable wounds from personal issues, as well as past failed, hurtful, or otherwise frustrating relationships. A few good suggestions for that includes quality self-help materials, individual psychotherapy, group therapy, or meetings with the bishop. In this article I am just going to offer a few general authority/church-based quotes supporting the idea that you can have real hope to heal and have a future healthy, happy
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The Attraction of PositivityThere is an old saying that contains great wisdom: “nothing positive ever came from something negative”. This is true. The one exception: in algebra, a negative number times a negative number becomes a positive result. But real life relationships don’t work that way and don’t operate on this same principle. More negativity just yields more negativity. So therefore, if you are in a negative way and trying to meet people, date, and have relationships, your prospects for success are…very low
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How Much Do Looks Matter to Women?I had a very interesting conversation with a single female member of the church today in therapy. Newly single after a long marriage, she wanted to know how much she should prioritize looks in the men she is starting to meet. Specifically, she wanted me to give my opinion on, how often have I seen women “grow to be attracted to a man” after getting to know him and not being attracted at first. In other words, if she is getting to know a man that she doesn’t really feel is attractive from the
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Church Quotes on MarriageOver the years, many good quality quotes have been given by general authorities giving insight, support, and encouragement for to construct of marriage, as well as how to have the best one possible. As you date and prepare for your own future marriage, perhaps these quotes can be useful, helpful, and motivational. General Authority Quotes on Marriage: An Opportunity for Eternal Marriage in this Life or the Next: “Many of the most important deprivations of mortality will be set right
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Hope in Future RelationshipsWhen one’s relationship life has included difficult breakups, hurt, disappointment, and even trauma, it very understandable that people may lose hope in having and retaining a committed relationship. Does this describe you? Do you feel “snakebitten” from previous relationships? Does the hurt from whatever you have been through make you second guess whether you can make a future relationship worse? If so, then it may be worth your while to strengthen your hope in the future. Because if you don’t
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The Role of the Spirit in the RelationshipHere is a great rule of thumb to help your current or future dating/marriage relationship: the more often you both possess the Spirit, the better your relationship will be. Now, I understand that relationships are more complex than this and more is required than whether or not you have the Spirit inside. However, it is a tremendous advantage when this is the case. We understand from our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that always having the companionship of the
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Cats, Dogs, and RelationshipsWhat do different pets say about their owners? It’s true that owners of different pets tend to have certain traits that would make them a match for such an animal. In other words, the choice of animal a person makes gives you some insight into the individual: their personality, their outlook on life, what they are interested in, and so on. An important element of relationships is the need for new people to be sharp and effective new relationship detectives. The sooner you find out what the
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What Matters Most in a PartnerWhat matters most in your choice of partner? First of all in previous articles, I’ve reviewed basic nature of attraction: what men are attracted to in women and what women are attracted to in men. These articles reviewed those important elements that promote initial attraction and keep attraction going. Attraction matters. These articles can be reviewed at: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/attractors-with-men-unwritten-forces-at-work-283/
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