Articles

Vs Loneliness

Vs Loneliness

Instinctively and spiritually, we all have certain feelings and yearnings that serve to prompt us to action. One of the most primal, powerful feelings existing in us all is a desire for connection, companionship, and relationship. The relationship between a man and a woman is a powerful thing. So when we are without that kind of main connection in our lives, it is natural and appropriate for us to feel subtle to strong feelings of loneliness until we have that relationship. Utilized correctly

2019-06-23 Randy Gilchrist Marriage preparation, Psychological health
Why Marriage Matters

Why Marriage Matters

A modern attitude in the world today is that marriage doesn’t matter. Accordingly, marriage rates around the globe are plummeting versus previous years and decades. Much of modern philosophy takes the position that marriage is just the subjugation of women. That it is limiting and just gets in the way of career development, travel, shopping, fun, hobbies, etc. That it just leads to having kids, which traps you, is a drag, and might be good to delay or forgo altogether. So as members of the

2019-06-16 Randy Gilchrist Marriage preparation
The Differences Between Member Couples  and Non-Member Couples

The Differences Between Member Couples and Non-Member Couples

My first session of psychotherapy was in Logan, Utah in February, 1997 (during my master’s program at Utah State University). From then until now, I have done thousands of couples therapy sessions with both members (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), as well as non-member couples. This has included those who are dating, engaged, and living together, but mostly those who are married. Sometimes fellow members of the church will ask me what the differences are between member

2019-06-11 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation
The Best Ways to Meet Others

The Best Ways to Meet Others

An important question for those in the dating world is, “what are the most effective ways to meet new people to date?” Some ways are definitely better and more successful than others. Research on the subject has shown some interesting findings. As reviewed at https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-meeting-their-significant-others-in-2018-8075828, a 2018 survey about dating from technology company ReportLinker, surveyed over 550 respondents, ages 18-64, who were married or in

2019-06-03 Randy Gilchrist
Looking for the Best in Others

Looking for the Best in Others

When church members are single, have had previous relationship failures and frustrations, and are again looking for a new dating partner—hopefully, an eternal spouse—the stakes are high but the confidence and security are often low. Many singles feel “snakebitten” and understandably are cautious, careful, and hesitant to give new relationships a chance. No one wants to get hurt and let down again. Yet, problems in life come in the extremes, including overly focusing on the negatives. When hurt

2019-05-20 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Dealing with Differences

Dealing with Differences

In general, the more similar couples are--with their attitudes, interests, politics, religious ideas, hobbies, and so on--the bigger the advantage they have. It becomes easier to get along, to bond, and to have agreeable and enjoyable time together. However, men and women will still be…different in many ways. We naturally think, act, and feel differently. We interpret the world differently. Such differences can potentially cause frustration, conflict, and misunderstanding. So, how do couples

2019-05-13 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication, Conflict resolution
Dating—Continuing to Try

Dating—Continuing to Try

One of the hardest things to do in life is to keep trying after past frustrations, failures, heartache, and heartbreak. This is especially true in the case of the dating world. Unreturned interest, ghosting, tough break ups, divorce and custody situations…there are many ways relationships can go badly. Understandably after such pain and disappointment, many people are tempted to give up the dating and relationships in general. Once a person feels snake bitten, it can be tough to keep trying.

2019-05-06 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
Stop Beating Yourself Up

Stop Beating Yourself Up

As we know, one of the central tenants as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is marriage, especially the ideal of getting married in the temple. But…that ideal doesn’t work out for everyone, at least as planned. Some will never get married in this life for various reasons. Others will divorce. Whether or not marriage (or remarriage) will happen for you in this life will be shown over time. Just stay active, faithful, and keep trying. In the meantime, what do you tell

2019-04-29 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
When the Infatuation Leaves

When the Infatuation Leaves

One of the most enjoyable aspects of the beginning of a relationship is the infatuation phase. Often this time involves extremely powerful feelings of excitement, passion, obsession, daydreaming, butterflies, etc. The purpose of the infatuation phase of a relationship is to be a quick and powerful agent to bring people together and get things started and going. Endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin flow strongly and freely. It seems for a while that permanent bliss will be present forever

2019-04-15 Shawn Gordon Healthy relationships
Your Ideal Weight?

Your Ideal Weight?

Weight is a touchy subject among church members, singles, and people in general. What is the ideal weight? Depends on how you look at it. Some sides of modern society and the media promote self-acceptance of weight and body image, whatever the weight. Such approaches to weight approach the issue from a personal self-esteem and self-worth angle (i.e., a psychological and emotional perspective). From a different dating perspective, getting into better shape is usually a bonus to attract a new

2019-04-07 Randy Gilchrist Health and fitness
Are You Comfortable Single?

Are You Comfortable Single?

Some of you reading this have always been single, others have been divorced, still others, widowed. Whatever you circumstance, you are most likely a single member of the church if you are reading this. How should you feel about being single? If you have a history of being in unhealthy, unhappy relationships in the past, you might understandably feel relieved, peaceful, even content. And truly, being single and alone can truly be a much better position to be in then being in an unhealthy

2019-04-01 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Online Dating Profile Tips

Online Dating Profile Tips

Today your online dating profile will go a long way to determine whether a dating prospect will consider you or not. Often, people will be turned off by your profile and either never give you a chance or they will ghost you after some brief exchanges if they don’t like what they see. Rarely will they ever let you know specifically why they lost interest. If the conversation was good but they still drop out of interacting with you, there is a decent chance the main reason was because of

2019-03-25 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Game Playing in the Dating World

Game Playing in the Dating World

A common complaint in the dating world involves love interests playing games. This can be frustrating, confusing, and upsetting. Why would a person that is interested in you and you are interested in as well choose to play games? There are several possible reasons. First of all, some people play games to draw reactions out of the other person to reveal their interest when the other’s interest is unsure or unclear. Second, some play games as revenge for perceived slights or offenses. Third

2019-03-10 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Assertive Communication Skills

Assertive Communication Skills

There are basically 3 types or styles of communication in the dating world, and with people in general: aggressive, passive, and assertive. In aggressive communication, wants, needs, and feelings are expressed openly and clearly, but at the expense of the feelings of others. Aggressive communication tactics include yelling, shouting, glaring, hands on hips, table pounding, etc. Aggressive tactics are another way of saying bullying tactics. Passive communication tactics, on the other hand, are

2019-03-04 Randy Gilchrist Communication
Positive Motivators to Date and Marry

Positive Motivators to Date and Marry

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating Being members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we know the church’s stance on marriage: that we need to do it. That we need to search it out and make it happen the best we can. There is some pressure, some guilt, some obligation underneath it all to have the ideal, traditional married family unit. To reinforce this, conference talks will regularly remind singles of this need, which can often

2019-02-24 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Marriage preparation
Dating Small Talk

Dating Small Talk

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating Few factors matter more to the success or failure of a date than how the small talk goes. The chatter and discussion about a variety of big and little issues that encompasses the entire date from beginning to end. Good small talk will promote attraction, closeness, connection, understanding, and overall bonding. Poor small talk repels, discourages, and may even doom the relationship right then and there. So how

2019-02-17 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication