The Role of the Spirit in the Relationship

The Role of the Spirit in the Relationship Here is a great rule of thumb to help your current or future dating/marriage relationship: the more often you both possess the Spirit, the better your relationship will be. Now, I understand that relationships are more complex than this and more is required than whether or not you have the Spirit inside. However, it is a tremendous advantage when this is the case. We understand from our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that always having the companionship of the Holy Ghost is the promise given when we are confirmed after baptism. The two requirements to always have the Spirit with you are to be worthy of it and to ask for it. So, what are the advantages of having the Spirit with you?

The Gifts of the Spirit:

There are many positive attributes enjoyed by those having the Spirit. Therefore, the more both partners have the Spirit, the more these traits and attributes will be carried over to benefit the relationship, as well as how partners treat each other. So, what are these traits? What are the positive attributes enjoyed by those possessing the Spirit? From the scriptures, here are some of these key attributes:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. –Galatians 5:22-23

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. —John 14:26

But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me. –John 15:26
Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. –John 16:13

In sum, people who possess the Spirit enjoy the following positive traits inside: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. In addition, people possessing the Spirit also enjoy the blessings of being taught truths and better remembering things, especially the words and teachings of the gospel. Inner testimonies of Christ will also be strengthened, people will be guided towards all truth, and they will be shown things to come. Doesn’t it naturally make sense that when both partners possess these positive traits, their marriage would be far more healthy, happy, and nurturing? Absolutely. Therefore, seek to have the Spirit with you always, and seek to find another striving for the same. The relationship will benefit accordingly.

Destroyer of the Spirit—Lack of Worthiness and Selfishness:

So, what drives the Spirit away? What leads a person to not have the Spirit? The most obvious answer is a lack of worthiness. Things like violations of the law of chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and other choices disqualifying temple recommend worthiness will chase away the Spirit. Dishonesty commonly chases away the Spirit as well, contention too. Overall, selfishness tends to drive the breaking of commandments and losing one’s worthiness to have the Spirit. Therefore, seek to keep the commandments and minimize selfishness to keep and maintain the Spirit always. Here are some scriptures and quotes to support these truths about worthiness and selfishness:

And because of their iniquity the church had begun to dwindle; and they began to disbelieve in the spirit of prophecy and in the spirit of revelation; and the judgments of God did stare them in the face. And they saw that they had become weak, like unto their brethren, the Lamanites, and that the Spirit of the Lord did no more preserve them; yea, it had withdrawn from them because the Spirit of the Lord doth not dwell in unholy temples—Therefore the Lord did cease to preserve them by his miraculous and matchless power, for they had fallen into a state of unbelief and awful wickedness; and they saw that the Lamanites were exceedingly more numerous than they, and except they should cleave unto the Lord their God they must unavoidably perish. –Helaman 4:23-25

President Spencer W. Kimball explained:
“When the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. …
“The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse. …
“Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity. Each spouse takes the partner with the understanding that he or she gives totally to the spouse all the heart, strength, loyalty, honor, and affection, with all dignity. Any divergence is sin; any sharing of the heart is transgression. As we should have ‘an eye single to the glory of God,’ so should we have an eye, an ear, a heart single to the marriage and the spouse and family” (Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 142–43).

President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “When you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Selfishness is the great destroyer of happy family life. If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well-being, and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy, and your marriage will go on throughout eternity” (Ensign, Dec. 1995, 67)

Final Thoughts:

In short, the more you have and are led by the Spirit and the more your partner is as well, the stronger, healthier, and happier the relationship will be. Therefore, please look for the Spirit to be at the center of your relationship and good things will follow. Again, there is much more to a relationship than having the Spirit. But a couple in possession of this gift has a tremendous advantage over those who do not. Please strive for this. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.

Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at

2022-08-13 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality

Previous article Next article

About the author

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (, practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at; email me questions to