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3 Modes of CommunicationHow many times have we heard that couples are having "communication problems" or "conflict resolution problems"? Pretty often. In my therapy office couch when I am working with couples, I can pretty much guarantee that this will be one of their main issues and goals to work on. There are gender differences that add to this issue, but I will address that in another article. For now and before learning some communication skills, it's helpful to start understanding this issue by dividing styles
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Dating AdviceBe precise: When writing an Internet personal ad or filling out an online dating questionnaire, be as specific as possible. Think about who you are and what makes you unusual and list both your successes and your failures. Mentions of moonlight strolls, or walks in the park are meaningless. Instead, you might say, "I'm a homebody who really loves cooking, but also likes camping." Saying, "I'm looking for someone who is not afraid of snakes, but also is not a carnivore" sets you apart as a
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Make the First MoveDon’t play hard to get: You won’t get got. You’re out of high school now, if you are interested in someone, be it male or female, go ahead and talk to them. Ask them to dance, ask them out for a meal, or a walk. Be open to that request and take a chance. Game Playing: There are books written on “game” for guys and how to manipulate women and it is predicated on certain typical behavior in most women. One of the most common is based on the saying “women always want the shoes another woman
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Follow The SpiritAll too often I see comments like this from adult singles on social media: “I’m waiting for HF to bring me my EC”. The abbreviations are “Heavenly Father” and “Eternal Companion”. This is wrong thinking for a lot of reasons, you have to be actively engaged in your own life, the Lord isn’t bringing a spouse to your door out of the blue. Let me give you some scriptural references of how you must seek out the Lord and ask, he isn’t going to bring you something unbidden, but the spirit can guide
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Using Personality TestsPersonality tests, when shown to be valid and reliable, can offer great insights into ourselves and/or our dating partner. Interestingly, we as people often don't know ourselves as well as we might think we do. So the more we learn about ourselves and our dating partner, the more we can know what areas of concern need to be addressed and improved upon. High quality questionnaires can be useful tools in this regard, and I highly recommend them. Many problems in relationships seem to emerge
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Nourishing RelationshipsA marriage, along with the dating relationship leading up to marriage, can be thought of as a living, breathing organism requiring regular, adequate, proper nourishment. Otherwise, if the relationship is malnourished, the bond--and the relationship in general--will eventually wither, starve, and die. A strong relationship requires regular quality time, attention, and affection. In the classic 1982 book, "The Romantic Love Question and Answer Book" by Nathaniel Branden, years of marital
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Green Light Signals - Are They Interested?One of the sometimes exciting, sometimes frustrating things about getting to know someone in the beginning of dating is: are they really interested in me? And how interested? Both men and women can be rather coy in this regard. Three possibilities here: A) They haven't decided how interested they are in you yet. B) They have decided they are not that interested and don't want to hurt your feelings, hoping you will get the hint. C) They're interested, possibly very interested, but don't want
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What Do Men Want?Interestingly, a lot of people assume that even though men are often confused by what women want, the opposite is commonly true as well. We men can often confuse women with our needs and wants. Interestingly, because we men are generally pretty simple, that is what can be the most confusing to women. I often hear things in my office from women like, "there has to be more going on there", or "what else does he need?". In reality, not much. There really isn't that much more going on inside of
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What Do Women Want?Over the years in my psychology office, many men--both single and married, both LDS and not LDS--have asked versions of the same basic question: what do women want? My own question I've often asked myself in return is, why is this such a mystery? I think the answer to both questions involves a key gender difference. We men tend to want the answers laid out for us in a straight forward, clear, simple, linear manner. But rarely if ever are we given such clear answers to "what women want".
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Introduction to Our New Columnist, Dr GHello, my name is Dr Randy Gilchrist and I am excited to offer my writing services to LDS Dimension. I believe in members helping other members. The mission and philosophy of LDS Dimension is that unlike other LDS dating sites, this site is created by members, for members. Therefore, I offered my contributions here to support quality LDS dating at a site I have confidence and trust in. Basically, I'll be sharing my thoughts, insights, and wisdom gained as a long time LDS psychologist to give
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