by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
A "creeper", according to the Urban Dictionary, is basically "a male whose uncertain behavior or looming mysterious presence makes regular folks, especially women, unsettled". The creeper designation has traditionally been applied to older men staring or ogling at notably younger girls or women, implying they are potential dangerous or even pedophiles. However, the term today has taken on a more common, rather flippant usage. The term "creeper" is often used today from women to unfairly and often rudely ward off advances from any man that is both unsolicited and undesired. Hence the implication is that any man trying to initiate a connection and relationship with a woman when the interest is not mutual from her end somehow makes him a creepy guy by definition.
Perhaps this term has become common in today's post feminist society where much sexual interaction between men and women has been deemed forms of sexual assault towards women, which is, in my opinion a grossly unfair and inaccurate kneejerk depiction of male/female relationships. That attitude overly casts males as natural perpetrators and natural women as victims (even though either side can be either). Nevertheless, as unfair as it might be sometimes, we guys do not want to be labeled or thought of as "creepers" (or other negative labels along the same theme). And yes, this and similar terms are also often used by fellow LDS single sisters for men too, so be careful. You are not exempt. So what can we do to avoid the "creeper" label?
Tips to Avoid Being a Creeper:
1) Be more attractive and increase your relational stock. As unfair as this is about to sound, it is true. The better looking you are and the better your education, financial status, and other practical assets, the less the same behavior will be viewed as "creepy"--it might even be welcome. Unfortunately, the less physically attractive, financially secure, and educated you are, and the more socially awkward you are, the more likely to be hit with this often unfair "creeper" label. So please do the best you can to "up" your relational stock in obvious, key ways: diet, exercise, fashion, hygiene, career/financial attainment, education, social development, etc. Just do the best you can in these ways and you will be amazed how you magically start to get better credit, slack, and leeway. In other words, the more assets you bring to a relationship in general, the more attractive you will come across and your advances are less likely to repel or be offputting.
2) Learn communication/conversation skills. The better your conversation style and listening skills, the better she will warm up to you, connect with you, and give you credit as being a decent, acceptable guy. Carry yourself with confidence and esteem. Learn about and take an interest in her. Listen with patience, questions, and curiosity. Get feedback from others on your communication and conversation strengths and weaknesses. Regularly read, listen to, or watch self-help materials relating to people skills and conversation abilities.
Some resources I would suggest to help build your conversational abilities are the following:
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
People Skills by Robert Bolton
Tongue Fu by Sam Horn
Your Perfect Right by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons
HYPNOSIS SESSIONS (conversation and communication oriented titles from www.hypnosisdownloads.com)--
--Don't Be Boring
--Making Small Talk
--Be More Tactful
--Break the Ice
--Developing Interpersonal Skills
3) Learn good flirting skills.
Along with the need for solid communication skills, if you don't know how to flirt, there is a good chance you will come across and awkward and uncomfortable in your interactions with women, which could "creep them out". Learn ways to flirt that will be fun, appropriate, and hopefully, reciprocated. If you have not done a good job with suggestions 1 and 2 above, 3 here will be much more challenging. So, doing all 3 in the priority given will be important. Knowing how to flirt well will also be very helpful in avoiding the creeper designation. Unfortunately, poor flirting can and will place you in the creeper designation. Other words poorly flirting guys can be hit with: weird, jerk, asshole, dork, loser, idiot, etc. Yes, being poor at flirting can really hurt your impression with women and make you seem creepy.
I suggest reading full articles or books on flirting for additional ideas beyond the scope of this one article. I plan to address flirting in next week's article so look for it next week. Or, if you are reading this article in the LDS Dimension archives, find my flirting article with a simple search at www.ldsdimension.com/articles. However, as a preview in short, good flirting involves natural and genuine smiles, appropriate and affectionate touch, appropriate and fun joking, teasing, and laughter, positive energy, and discussion of mutual interests and potential future joint activities you could possibly do together.
Dating and relationships today are what they are. Challenging, but potentially highly rewarding. Men deal with certain unique kinds of challenges and unfair treatment like being called a "creeper". However, rather than being upset, resentful, and unsuccessful in your relationships efforts, I simply suggest to improve dramatically and consistently in these 3 ways, increase your relational stock, get better at "the game", and find yourself a new and hopefully healthy and happy relationship. It is worth it. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
|2017-11-06||Randy Gilchrist||Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating, Healthy relationships|
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to email@example.com).