by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
In the dating world—both as LDS and non-LDS singles, it is common and often good to look for new, quality relationship advice: what to do, what not to do, who to date, who not to date, how to proceed and progress, etc. Getting an outside opinion and outside information can be a smart thing. Otherwise if we keep simply trusting our own judgement and choosing the same kinds of people and going about relationships in the same kind of ways, we will be at high risk for generating the same poor results. As the old sayings go, “more of the same just brings more of the same”, and “if you doing what you are doing, you’ll keep getting what you’ve got”. So, in short, looking to outside opinions and ideas can be a very good, useful, helpful thing. That is, unless it isn’t.
Poor Sources for Relationship Information
Unfortunately, there are a number of poor, unhelpful, even counterproductive sources of relationship advice that you may be tempted to consider. I would recommend against such sources. A poor source of relational advice usually comes from one of two sources. Source 1: a fellow single person who themselves has either minimal relationship experience or very poor relationship experience where either they pick poor quality in partners and/or have a tendency to treat their partners poorly. Source 2: online or other self-help books and resources from supposed professionals or educated types that, unfortunately, are often as ill informed and give just as poor of advice as fellow regular singles also struggling with relationships.
If you have fellow single friends and associates who are either unexperienced in relationships or have a very poor history of picking quality partners and/or tend to treat their partners poorly, please don’t take their advice, opinions, and suggestions seriously. Take such opinions with a very large grain of salt, consider approaching things in opposite fashion, and/or just don’t give a listening ear at all to such ideas. Whether such friends have good intentions for you or not, they clearly don’t possess the right answers themselves and hence have little helpful or productive ideas or information to share with you. Heeding such advice will often lead you to the same kinds of failures they have experienced, whatever the original intention.
The same goes with “relationship professionals/experts” giving self-help advice in columns, books, online posts, blogs, videos, TV shows, etc. If the relationship professional lacks solid, actual credentials, they say off the wall advice that doesn’t seem to make sense or seems counter-productive, and/or they lack their own history of successful relationships, you are also at risk for being led astray from bad advice leading to bad outcomes. So, who do you trust? How can you be confident that a friend, family member, or “expert” has useful ideas, thoughts, and suggestions for you?
Solid, More Trustworthy Sources of Relationship Information
People who you can feel safer to trust and rely on with their relationship information are basically those that are opposite from the previous 2 groups discussed. You can basically trust a lot of the relational advice someone gives if they themselves are either happily married or at least have a good track record of previous healthy and committed relationships. The fact that a relationship (or even a marriage) ended alone does not necessarily mean it was not pretty good or healthy earlier on. Sometimes relationships are good for a long time, yet can take a turn for the worse and end. Often this is the case when a large life stressor or tragedy strikes and the couple is not able to recover, such as trauma, financial collapse, health problems, etc.
The second kind of trustworthy relationship information sources are professionals who both actually have solid credentials—such as a related Masters of Doctoral degree from a reputable college, a related psychotherapy license (marriage & family therapist or clinical psychologist), and/or other solid credentials, + a the experience and proven track record as confirmed by others who have previously found value in their work (i.e., testimonials and positive word of mouth recommendation from trusted friends). Either of these 2 sources of information are often helpful. Please search them out and give heed to their ideas.
Be careful and picky with what people and sources of information you take relationship advice from. Be a “critical consumer of information”. Always consider the source. Also, consider if the advice and ideas make reasonable, logical sense. The 21st century with the internet and unlimited information available is very helpful—as long as we are careful with what we trust and decide is of value. Learn, grow, develop, pick better partners, and nurture those relationships better. Always be learning, growing, and developing and allow yourself to get such assistance from solid, trusted sources. Find and enjoy the relationship you desire. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
INFO FOR READERS--
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|2018-02-22||Randy Gilchrist||Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating|
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to email@example.com).