by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating
Being members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we know the church’s stance on marriage: that we need to do it. That we need to search it out and make it happen the best we can. There is some pressure, some guilt, some obligation underneath it all to have the ideal, traditional married family unit. To reinforce this, conference talks will regularly remind singles of this need, which can often trigger guilt, anxiety, frustration, etc. Do negative motivators to date and marry act things you respond well to? Well, maybe so, maybe not. Either way, remembering and focusing on positive reasons and motivators to date and eventually marry (or remarry) usually work best to keep your efforts going.
Positive Motivators to Date and Marry
Here are some perks and things to remember and look forward to looking to date and eventually get married (in no particular order):
*Sex Life. When married, this open up to you as a regular part of your new life without the same risks of guilt, remorse, regret, and trips to the bishop’s office that make up a significant challenge of the single life. Looking forward to what is often called in church circles, “intimacy”, can act as a positive motivator to move from single life to an eventually permanent partner.
*Companionship. Mornings, nights, weekends, holidays…it is great to have that built in person there to share your life with. Need a date? You have one at home all of the time for that in marriage. Someone to enjoy and experience all of the ups and downs of life with. Someone to be there for you and with you to connect with and ease loneliness. Because, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18.
*Parenting. If you do not have children, you most likely will when getting married—either your own together and/or step children. Having children brings great joy, as well as responsibilities. If you already have children, it is a great help to move away from being the single parent to having someone else there to help to shoulder the challenges and burdens that raising children entails. This includes having a second person there to bounce ideas, challenges, and discipline issues off of.
*Money and Other Practicalities. Adding additional income, housing, material items, and practical resources is very helpful to a lot of the daily struggles for survival, security, and comfort. When struggling as a single parent, for example, a new spouse often will have some resources to help lessen the burden. In addition, it is nice to have a second person around the house to help and support with the housework and other household duties that make up everyday life. One person wasn’t meant to do it all, even though that is a common occurrence.
*Church and Temple Attendance as a Couple. Attending church, church, activities, and temple sessions together as a couple can often feel more comfortable. Ideally singles would feel just as comfortable in these settings as married couples. However, sadly, this is often not the case, given the enormous emphasis the church and fellow members often put on the married family unit. Looking forward to the future day to no longer attend these functions singly can be a motivator and something to look forward to.
*Esteem and Validation. When we finally date and marry (or marry again), it is natural to feel and experience validation that yes, you are indeed someone that another can, does, and will love and commit to. Even though logically most singles know this to be the case, emotionally being single can cause strain on one’s self-esteem. Having a second person in your life can feel like a validator to your esteem. Clear, concrete evidence that yes, a person loves you, is committed to you, and wants to spend the rest of their life with you. Alone, we can sometimes question these things, which is a natural challenge.
*Celestial Marriage. Getting married first civilly and then eventually in the temple, or better yet getting married in the temple from the start, opens up the exciting prospect of having someone to be sealed to for the eternities. And yes, those not having the opportunity for this in this life with have access in the next life. Still, getting that opportunity to begin a celestial journey together now is an exciting development offering glimpses and a preview of eternity to help you with the rest of this life. This is our doctrine on the subject:
And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. –Doctrine & Covenants 132:19-20
Focus on and look forward to the good things a good future marriage has to offer. Be led and motivated by these hopes and promises to help keep you trying and pushing forward. This is how it was meant to be. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
|2019-02-24||Randy Gilchrist||Dating, Marriage preparation|
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to email@example.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to firstname.lastname@example.org).