After dating and relationship problems or failures, it is understandable to develop a negative attitude towards relationships and the opposite sex. The self-protective part of us inside can promote a cynical, avoidant attitude to lessen the chance of more pain and disappointment. The problem is that when we develop a negative attitude like this, we also lose out on the chance for relationship opportunities and success. Loneliness becomes inevitable. Plus, who wants to feel negative, angry, or resentful all the time? Not an enjoyable way to live. Therefore, learning how to prevent or overcome a negative attitude like this is important towards finally finding and keeping a happy, healthy relationship.
Overcoming a Negative Attitude Towards Relationships:
*Remember Previous Successes—think of the better moments you have had in the past with the opposite sex—friends, dating, and the better parts of previous relationships. Perhaps write these things down in a journal. What did you enjoy most? Why did it go well? What were the better parts of your time together? When we review and remember the better aspects of previous relationships, our attitude softens and we start to want these kinds of moments again in our lives.
*Talk to People with Good Success Stories: find a trusted friend or family member that is in a happy, lasting marriage. Have a conversation with them, asking what they like best about their marriage, what the favorite parts of their marriage are, and what recommendations they may have for you. Being inspired and instructed by a real-life relationship success story is encouraging to help you know it can happen for you too. If they can do it, you can do it too!
*Watch a Favorite Romantic Movie: think of a movie you remember where the main actors had a positive, powerful, healthy and happy romantic relationship. Watch this movie and focus on the excitement and connection of this relationship. Be inspired by their attraction and chemistry. Notice the good ways they treat each other. Help this inspire you to search after something similar in your life.
*Positive Self-Talk: Be aware of the regular conversations you have with yourself about the opposite sex and relationships. Whenever you notice yourself starting to say negative or cynical things, turn this around and force yourself to say something positive. Remind yourself regularly about what you like and admire about the opposite sex. Look for and focus on these things. Practice telling yourself positive, hopeful things about relationships. Make a written list and repeat them as needed. It is hard to develop a positive attitude towards relationships without regularly channeling your thoughts in a positive direction.
*Review church talks or scriptures: Look for church materials that emphasize and give hope for the eternal, ideal, happy marriages. You can search old conference talks, church videos, key scriptures, audio talks, etc. Find materials that increase your hope and faith that the Lord wants this for you, that happy relationships and marriage are the Lord’s way, and that you can have this too in your life. Suggestion: watch the old classic church video, “Together Forever”. There is a great video clip there of a young newly married couple that goes through some rocky moments but turns it around to create a happy, eternal marriage together.
*Prayer: Pray to have and maintain a positive attitude about relationships. Ask for forgiveness of mistakes made in previous relationships. Pray to let go of and forgive pained and resentful feelings towards past relationship partners. Request help and support from the Lord to identify, choose, and nurture a future healthy and happy relationship. Exercise faith and ask for help and direction. If you are not sure how to do this, read Alma 32 in the Book of Mormon again, perhaps the book of Enos as well. Another suggestion: read the classic book Drawing on the Powers of Heaven by Grant Von Harrison.
*Get Help in Therapy: As needed, seek out the help of a qualified and experienced clinical psychologist or marriage & family therapist. Specify in the therapy that you wish to both forgive and let go of past resentments from earlier relationships. Also, let you therapist know that you have a goal to develop and maintain a positive attitude towards the opposite sex. When these goals are specified and worked on in therapy, great results can follow.
The man thing to remember about this little article is that a negative attitude towards the opposite sex will sabotage future relationship opportunities, and that maintaining a positive attitude instead will maximize your chances for relationships success. A positive attitude will be more attractive to meet someone new, as well as helping to nourish and maintain a new relationship. This is the way this was meant to be. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.”
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at email@example.com.
|Dating, Healthy relationships
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to email@example.com).