by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
I am about to discuss something that is probably going to sound extremely obvious in writing. However, unfortunately in real life, this topic is often ignored or not considered. The topic is simple: energy. The energy we give off and present to others in the LDS singles/dating environment. Positive energy will attract, negative energy will either repel or will attract the wrong kind of person. So this energy topic is an important one. Unfortunately, many singles will give off negative energy, but then will act confused, unaware, and surprised when others are not interested in dating them or even getting to know them.
Forms of Negative Energy
Much negative energy is found in negative words, comments, and conversation: whining, complaining, criticizing, pessimism, cynicism, backbiting, gossip, slander, and so on. Negative words say much more about the person saying them than the person they are being said about. The feelings emitted from a person using negative words are generally down, draining, repelling, and repulsive. And the same way that person is talking to you about others will also be the same way they would eventually talk about you when you aren’t there. In sum, a person’s words reveal their general overall approach and attitude about other people, as well as life in general, and negativity reveals an unattractive person.
Another common form of giving off negative energy comes from everything other than the literal words used: body language, tone of voice, and facial expression. Unfortunately, many people pay little or no attention to their non-verbals, and are often quite unaware of how they are coming across. Taken together, negative energy comes from the words used plus the non-verbals that accompany the words. Together they create a negative effect to be wary of because it repels. Or, just as bad, it attracts other negative people or unhealthy people wanting to be in the rescue/fix/save mode. Either way, an unhealthy relationship results.
Suggestions to Give Off Positive Energy
First of all, think about what you are saying at all times. Be mindful of what you say. Saying negative things about others is a downer. Saying negative things about life in general, the same. So instead, practice putting a positive spin on situations. Find positive things to say about people and situations. Be an optimist. Half of the battle here is just being aware. The other half—actually saying positive things—takes some practice. In addition, when others are saying negative things, see if you can respond positively, change the subject, or possibly find a reason to excuse yourself and walk away. Don’t feed or support negative conversations.
Second, be aware of your non-verbals and keep them as positive, warm, open, and inviting as possible. Perhaps you can practice by watching yourself in the mirror or recording yourself on video. Become very aware of what you see and hear of yourself. As you are much more aware of your non-verbals, you will be far better equipped to make as many positive adjustments as possible: smile, open up your arms (vs having them closed or folded), warm up your facial expression, and perhaps most importantly, warm up your tone of voice. Put some positive energy, passion, and spark in there.
Third, ask family and friends that you trust to give you as much useful feedback and constructive criticism of how you come across as possible. What you don’t notice about yourself, others may see or hear. Find the most positive and trustworthy people you can in your life and ask for their honest opinions and advice about you. Ask for their advice and suggestions for what you can do to come across ever better and more positively. Remember, it is being strong to ask others for help and feedback when you need it.
Always be aware of the energy you put out to others. Develop as much positive energy that you can and share this with others. You are selling and marketing yourself, so remember this always. In heathy relationships, “like attracts like”. So if you would like a healthy relationship with a positive person, be that yourself and work to choose the same. And remember, "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
INFO FOR READERS--
*To submit a question for a future Q & A column or to request a possible future article subject, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
**Do you struggle with pornography or another addictive tendency? Do you struggle with eating issues or want to lose weight? Anxiety issues? Other issues, challenges, or problems? Consider my special custom hypnosis recording service for fellow LDS members only, available worldwide by online delivery. A powerful, effective, convenient tool for change. Learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds or email me questions at email@example.com. Completely private and confidential.
|2018-04-30||Randy Gilchrist||Dating, Spirituality|
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to email@example.com).