In the singles scene as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, finding good members to date and eventually marry can be challenging. In addition to the normal challenges of finding a nice, decent, respectable person that
is marriage material, there is an added challenge as well. There is also the difficulty of finding a fellow member of the church that, ideally is of decent church standing and activity that can eventually take you to the temple. Because of these
double challenges with member dating, it is very easy and understandable to get frustrated. Many even give up for a while and/or decide to date non-members. So, how can you keep trying to date members and persevere? In this brief article, I will
examine a few ideas to keep you trying.
Overcoming Burnout and Disappointment:
*Remind Yourself Why It Matters:
Everyone who desires, strives for, and stays worthy of a temple marriage will eventually have one in this life or the next…except those who marry outside of the temple. Marrying outside the temple could well lead you to lose your chance at
eternal marriage. While the doctrine below may vary somewhat and the Lord will be the ultimate judge on a case by case basis, we do have some clear direction on the subject. From Doctrine & Covenants 132:15-17 it plainly states:
Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she withhim, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when
they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world. Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are
ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory. For these angels did not abide my law;
therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are angels of God forever and ever.
So, keep your eyes on the prize and keep searching to date and marry a member who can eventually take you to the temple to be sealed. It matters.
*Search in Places Where Strong Members Frequent: Give yourself the best chances to find a good quality member of the church. Increase your odds and chances at every opportunity. The obvious place to search for a dating partner is at
church, possibly in a singles ward. Singles activities and church based online dating give further opportunities. However, since the recent policy change allowing single members to work at the temple, this has created a new opportunity
for dating introductions. In fact, working at the temple is perhaps the best option to find active single members that are temple worthy for obvious reasons (and/or to befriend people with active single relatives they can introduce you to). None of
these options above assures you of anything, but some approaches definitely give more of a chance to meet an active member than others. Use some strategy to give yourself the most chances possible.
*Take Strategic Breaks: When you feel burned out, don’t give up or start dating non-members. Just take short, reasonable breaks to rejuvenate yourself and then re- enter the dating quest. During your breaks you can spend time by yourself, with
friends, or family members. Do some fun, relaxing, rejuvenating things. Take up old hobbies or create new ones. Do some family history work. Perhaps go to psychotherapy or utilize some self-help resources to work on yourself. Basically,
do what needs to be done to refuel your emotional battery pack and heal your hurts. Then as soon as you are up to socialize again and try to date, please do so.
*Remember Life Is Tough: Strangely enough, many people can become so frustrated that they forget that this life is a test. It is supposed to be tough. Dating and relationship difficulties are a part of the challenge of life. In fact, this life isknown as a “probationary state” (Alma 12:24), a time to be “proven” (Abraham 2:25), and that you will have a “trial of your faith” (Ether 12:6). Life has been assigned these kinds of descriptions for a reason. If you can remember this life is supposed to be tough for everyone—that it is a part of the plan—then you will feel less alone. Hopefully, you will stay encouraged to endure to the end as an active, worthy, valiant member. Because life was designed to be hard, but we are meant to succeed. That is why a Savior was assigned to do the atonement: to help us overcome our challenges.
Our choices in this life determine eternity, so it all matters. So please don’t give up. Please date and marry in the church. Or if you stay single in this life, please endure to the end, valiant and active. Because when you do, all blessings will be
yours, including eternal marriage. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.”
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at email@example.com.
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to email@example.com).