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Tone of VoiceThere are many books, audios, and videos about relationships and more specifically, communication skills. Often this is referred to as “assertive communication skills training”. This typically involves improving your words to say and words not to say. This is somewhat effective. But these skills alone are generally not enough by themselves to actually help a couple effectively communicate and resolve differences. Why not? Because research shows that in any given communication, the bulk of a
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Healthy Versus Natural MatchesWhen a relationship works, the reason given is often that the couple is a “good match”. However, what does that really mean? And when a relationship doesn’t work and it is described as “not being a match”, what does that mean as well? In this article, two main types of lobsided relationship matches will be discussed, as well as what is needed for the future health and wellbeing of a relationship. Healthy Matches: A healthy match is a relationship where partners basically treat each other
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Depression ManagementDepression includes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and helplessness, as well as feeling blue, down, lethargic, unmotivated, and so on. Eating and sleeping habits become strained, along with other elements of self-care. When looking to date and marry, having frustration, heartache, and heartbreak can understandably lead to depression. And then unfortunately, when someone is depressed, they are less likely to successfully meet, date, and marry someone as well. Unfortunately, people who are
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Motivation to ChangeArguably the greatest impediment towards lasting change and improvement is…a lack of motivation. Motivation is defined by Google as “the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way”, or “the general desire or willingness of someone to do something”. Basically, there two types of motivation. “Internal” or “intrinsic” motivation, which relates to truly wanting to change inside apart from outside influence. The second type is referred to as “external” motivation, which
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Connecting Versus Self-ProtectingEmotionally and psychologically, we have two conflicting forces inside of each of us: the part of us that wants to connect with others promotes closeness, love, affection, and the desire to share our lives with a person of the opposite sex. This is natural, healthy, and leads us to socialize, be vulnerable, and engage in some risk. On the other hand, there is another conflicting part of us inside that promotes self-protection. After we have been hurt or scorned by another in our past, the
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Dating Todayby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating A long time ago (say, from the 1990s and before), dating was a pretty clear, basic endeavor. Men would ask out women on dates after being introduced from a mutual acquaintance or through meeting at a mutual activity or get together. Women would accept if the interest was mutual. The dates may or may not start in a group setting but if the dating went well, more dates would follow, then just dating each other
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Quotes on HopeIn an earlier article I talked about the definition of hope, the importance of hope, and how to generate hope (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/having-hope-337/). In this article I am going to give several quotes from general authorities on hope to further support these previous ideas. Hope is essential. Please work to generate as much hope as reasonably possible. Remember the following scripture: And if you have not faith, hope, and charity, you can do nothing. (Doctrine & Covenants
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OptimismOptimism is defined as follows (according to Google): hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something. So, how can you be optimistic about your present and future with relationships and marriage, as well as life in general? And why would that be a helpful and important thing to do? That will be the focus of this article. First, being optimistic in your relationship approach is important because that will be the most effective approach possible. The more
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Being the Initiator?President Dallin H. Oaks recently gave a worldwide devotional to single adults with a number of suggestions and recommendations. In this address in May, 2023, he states the following: “Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase
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Being Healthy and BalancedTo be healthy is to have all of the main areas of your life fulfilled and your main needs addressed. When we are unhealthy, lacking, or unbalanced in some way, our insides will remind us through unpleasant emotions such as depression, anxiety, or guilt, sometimes anger and resentment as well. Some of these emotions can simply come as temptations or disturbances from Satan. However, beyond temptation, such emotions can often be thought of as “action indicators”—indications that an area of life
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Signs of the TimesOur church name is “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints”. What does “Latter-Days” mean? It means we live in the latter days close to and leading up to the second coming of Jesus Christ and beginning of the Millenium. The second coming and the days leading up to it have been referred to as both “great and dreadful”. Some rough times will indeed exist from here on out. In this article I will review a number of latter-day “signs of the times”, along with some implications of these
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Selfishness in RelationshipsSelfishness is a large problem today in relationships and marriages, both in and out of the church. We live in a selfish, me-me-me, immediate gratification society. This selfishness is promoted in all segments of society today, including: TV, movies, social media, and many other parts of the internet. In this article, I am going to give several general authority quotes that clarify how selfishness and narcissism need to be lessened, while empathy, consideration, and giving are needed instead to
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Having BoundariesI have heard it said before that in relationships, we train the other person how we are to be treated. That is at least partly true. Beyond what we tolerate or accept, how we are treated also relates to the other person’s personality and habits. But yes, what we tolerate has a definite role in how the other person treats us. We are regularly told by general authorities to treat our spouses with kindness, love, and consideration. That is a good rule of thumb and a default position. However, what
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Living “Not of the World”Today, it is true that relationships between men and women, relationships, and marriages are strained. Divorce rates are high, gender conflict is common, political division is extreme, and other challenges and stresses abound. All of this was predicted in the scriptures. We read in the New Testament Paul saying the following, “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in
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Thinking CelestialIn the most recent general conference in October, 2023, President Russell M. Nelson talked about the idea of “thinking Celestial”. Accordingly, here is a quote from that talk that gives the essence of the message: Here is the great news of God’s plan: the very things that will make your mortal life the best it can be are exactly the same things that will make your life throughout all eternity the best it can be! Today, to assist you to qualify for the rich blessings Heavenly Father has for
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Having EmpathyIf a relationship and subsequent marriage is to not only survive but to thrive, an essential element is empathy. According to Google, “empathy” is defined as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. Also, “Empathy is generally described as the ability to take on another's perspective, to understand, feel and possibly share and respond to their experience.” In other words, a person showing empathy to another person is to be able to put themselves in their shoes. To
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