Articles

Dating Members vs. Non-Members

Dating Members vs. Non-Members

In today’s dating climate as single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are many challenges. One common challenge is a sparce population of fellow single members to date, especially when living outside of Utah, Idaho, and Arizona (or the Western US in general). Other challenges include negative experiences with previous members in dating and relationships. Finally, some feel their local member dating pool has been poisoned after others have heard negative things

2023-11-12 Randy Gilchrist
Latter Day Issues

Latter Day Issues

There are certain challenges that come with being a single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Remember that “Latter Day” means our present day, basically from the period of the restoration of the gospel in 1830 until the second coming of Jesus Christ that includes today. In this article I will review a few scriptures describing some of the challenges and signs of the times, along with some implications these scriptures have to single members particularly. Signs of the

2023-11-05 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Spirituality
Ready to Date Again—Or Not?

Ready to Date Again—Or Not?

One common challenge of being single again after a divorce or dating breakup is the challenge to decide when you will be ready to date again. There are many opinions on the subject. Some people will say that you should wait at least a year before dating. Others will say, take the total time you were in your relationship with the last person, divide that number in half, and that is how long you should wait until you get into another new relationship. The truth…depends. There is no one size fits

2023-10-30 Randy Gilchrist Dating
Making Effort

Making Effort

In older Disney movies, especially Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, there was an interesting theme. In all these movies, a handsome prince appears and rescues/fixes/saves the woman away from the conflicts she was dealing with. Whisking her away on his white horse into the sunset to live happily ever after. The problem with that idea is that although it can make for an enjoyable fantasy, it usually doesn’t work that way in real life. Usually when singles are looking for someone

2023-10-21 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Communication
Conference Review—October, 2023

Conference Review—October, 2023

Every 6 months, I do a brief review of the most recent general conference. In these reviews I pick out several valuable quotes from the latest conference that have particular value for and relevance to single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Why? Because the most recent conference represents the latest and most relevant insights and inspiration for us as members. I recommend that you review these quotes and apply them to your life, as well as the rest of the

2023-10-14 Randy Gilchrist Spirituality
Positive Versus Negative Energy

Positive Versus Negative Energy

A key to successful dating and relationships is self-awareness. It is important to realize how we are acting and the impact and effect it has on those around us. Without self-awareness, how can you know what needs to change and improve? You wouldn’t unless another was to tell you and you were to believe them. So, rarely. An important area to be self-aware of relates to energy. In particular, do you primarily give off negative energy and come across like a negative person in your impressions

2023-10-09 Randy Gilchrist Dating, Psychological health
More Quotes for Singles

More Quotes for Singles

Since the restoration of the gospel in 1830 we have had many helpful, useful, uplifting quotes from general authorities of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. In previous articles I have shared some of these quotes having direct and indirect implications for singles within the church. In this article I will be sharing some more quotes that I have found helpful for singles. I hope that you will find at least some of these helpful to improve your life. Enjoy. Quotes from General

2023-10-01 Randy Gilchrist
Spiritual Feelings Versus Infatuation

Spiritual Feelings Versus Infatuation

One of the challenges when making the decision to date, start a relationship with or marry a person is to figure out and differentiate whether or not the positive feelings relating to the other person are feelings of the Spirit or feelings of infatuation. The first thing I want to clarify is that both sets of feelings are good, powerful, helpful, and useful to the cause in different, complementary ways. The Spirit helps clarify and reinforce that the other person and your relationship together

2023-09-24 Randy Gilchrist Spirituality
Why Nice Guys are Boring

Why Nice Guys are Boring

Over my years as a psychologist, I have heard a common complaint from women: why can’t I find a nice, decent, stable guy that will treat me well? And then I have also heard nice, decent, stable guys also complain that women usually friendzone them, ignore them, and/or otherwise treat them as if them are invisible. So, what is going on here? Why is this happening? Are women not interested in what they say they are interested in? Although there are probably several reasons for this phenomenon, my

2023-09-17 Randy Gilchrist Understanding men
Tone of Voice

Tone of Voice

In previous articles I have covered and addressed communication skills from several angles. However, the longer I do therapy with couples and the more I hear the different conflict and arguments, I have come to realize that the most important element of communication is the tone of voice. How we sound will trigger other elements of communication: facial expression, body language, and choice of words. Most communication actually comes from our non-verbals, with tone of voice largely dictating

2023-09-09 Randy Gilchrist Communication
Expectations in Relationships

Expectations in Relationships

Expectations are defined as follows: “your strong hopes or beliefs that something will happen or that you will get something that you want.” (source: www.collinsdictionary.com). In the dating and relationship world, expectation involves your hopes or beliefs in how this other person will be, what they will do for you, and what your life will be like together. From my experience, the problems with relationship expectations come when the expectations are either too low or too high. Too low of

2023-09-04 Randy Gilchrist Healthy relationships
Self-Care

Self-Care

In the New Testament, Jesus Christ was approached by a lawyer who asked him a trick question: which is the greatest commandment in the law of Moses? Since the law of Moses included several hundred points and commandments, this was a loaded question. His response was as follows: Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy

2023-08-27 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Cheer Up

Cheer Up

I know this will sound obvious when I say it, but to attract another person, it is important to be…attractive. And that doesn’t only involve your looks. It also includes your attitude, personality, and disposition. You will struggle mightily with your dating and relationship life if you come across as glum, grumpy, sullen, snappy, grouchy, distant, or otherwise unapproachable. On the other hand, if you come across as positive, perky, optimistic, and a giver of positive energy, you will attract

2023-08-20 Randy Gilchrist Psychological health
Giving Up?

Giving Up?

Divorce, rejection, disappointment, frustration, break ups, ghosting…it all hurts. It is all painful to experience for singles looking for relationships, both in and out of the church. Therefore, I think it is understandable for anyone to consider giving up and quitting the dating and relationships altogether. To give up would allow the hurt and the frustration to end, right? Well, kind of. Yes, the risk of rejection and frustration would end. But would the pain end? No, only what the pain is

2023-08-13 Randy Gilchrist
Having Faith for Relationships

Having Faith for Relationships

The official church website gives us the following: Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true, and must be centered in Jesus Christ in order to produce salvation. To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone…Faith is kindled by hearing the testimony of those who have faith (Rom. 10:14–17). Miracles do not produce faith, but strong faith is developed by obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ; in other words, faith comes by righteousness, although

2023-08-06 Randy Gilchrist Spirituality
Managing Your Time

Managing Your Time

Time management is often thought of as an extremely boring topic. In fact, I bet few people are even reading this article because of the subject matter. Nevertheless, because good time management can be helpful with your dating/relationship life (and your life in general), I felt it would be helpful to address this topic. Obviously, dating and relationships require a lot of time, energy, effort, and often money as well. Therefore, good time management with all elements of your life will greatly

2023-07-30 Randy Gilchrist