by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating
A long time ago (say, from the 1990s and before), dating was a pretty clear, basic endeavor. Men would ask out women on dates after being introduced from a mutual acquaintance or through meeting at a mutual activity or get together. Women would accept if the interest was mutual. The dates may or may not start in a group setting but if the dating went well, more dates would follow, then just dating each other, and finally, engagement, and marriage. But here in the 2020s, things seem different. But today, the process has changed somehow. Traditional dating seems to be happening less often. And even when it is happening, today’s dating relationships seem to be strained, more challenging. And more couples today are not as committed, “hanging out” or “hooking up” has largely replaced dating, and couples being willing to work out challenges or difficulties is much lower now than with earlier generations.
Why have these changes occurred today? There are multiple probable reasons. The internet and social media commonly set the bar of relationship expectations too high. People today have also become quite accustomed to an immediate gratification lifestyle with technology and how comfortable life has become. TV, movies, and the internet commonly show idealistic, even impossible standards of good looks, entertainment, and popularity. So when such relationship ideals and standards are too high, how can someone be happy with a good, healthy, normal relationship? That becomes tough to accomplish.
Back to Dating Basics:
*Looking for a traditional person. If you are open to having a traditional dating relationship that potentially could result in marriage, the single most important thing you can do is to find and choose another person who’s also interested and in the same kind of relationship. Asking some relevant questions, finding out about their relationship history, and examining their social media account history are some commonly effective ways to determine their probable interest in such traditional dating. For more information on picking well, consider reading this prior article: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/picking-well-227/.
*Being clear about expectations: as you are getting to know someone, having a discussion about your expectations, hopes, and desires for what you are wanting in dating can be very helpful. If the other person feels otherwise and this filters them out as a dating partner, that is fine. Because if a person has no interest in such a traditional dating arrangement, the sooner you end your time together, the less time is spent on a person without the commitment potential you are looking for. For more information about being open and having assertive communication, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/assertive-communication-skills-162/.
*Embracing the traditional dating approach: To date traditionally, it is an opportunity to get to know each other one-one-one. The three goals of traditional dating is to 1) have fun, 2) see if there is a good, strong emotional connection, and 3) determine if the other person is commitment material. When you have fun, connect, and that the two are good commitment material, traditional dating leads to engagement and marriage. If those three goals don’t end up successfully happening/resulting, successful traditional dating eventually ends—hopefully civilly—and both parties then go on to find someone else that will be a better match. Traditional dating may occasionally involve including family or friends dates, but the emphasis is one-on-one time together.
*Keeping a positive attitude about dating: Seeing the best in the opposite sex, as well as with dating, relationships, and marriage is important. Having a positive, optimistic attitude about these subjects is important to successfully following through with the process. Positivity and optimism will help you engage with dating effort process with the needed energy, motivation, and confidence. There is an old saying, “nothing positive ever comes from something negative”. That is a pretty true statement, including on the subject of dating.
Some articles to help yourself have a more positive attitude towards the opposite sex and dating include:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/admiring-the-opposite-sex-209/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/optimism-386/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/positive-versus-negative-energy-370/
Final Thoughts:
Traditional dating gives you the best chance and opportunity to find and have a healthy, committed relationship and marriage someday. Therefore, even though much of the world and society today is moving away from traditional dating, please don’t give up on the idea. Yes, dating is challenging today. But not dating is even harder. To not date is to give up on the chance for a healthy, new future marriage. Please give yourself the best opportunity for relationship and marriage success. Maintain hope, and work towards having a future marriage. That is the way it was meant to be. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2024-03-02 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).