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Why Nice Guys are BoringOver my years as a psychologist, I have heard a common complaint from women: why can’t I find a nice, decent, stable guy that will treat me well? And then I have also heard nice, decent, stable guys also complain that women usually friendzone them, ignore them, and/or otherwise treat them as if them are invisible. So, what is going on here? Why is this happening? Are women not interested in what they say they are interested in? Although there are probably several reasons for this phenomenon, my
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Gendered Language: Dr. Deborah TannenIn 1990, Dr. Deborah Tannen came out with an interesting and useful research-based book, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. The ideas are pretty useful in this book, so I thought I would review a few of the main ideas. Deborah Tannen is a top and longtime expert in linguistics and gender differences from Georgetown University. As a researcher and an author, she shares several useful ideas in her book regarding the main differences between how men and women primarily
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For Her: Letting Him Know You Are InterestedOne interesting challenge I’ve noticed with many single women both in and out of the church is the difficulty it can be letting a guy know they are interested in him. Many women have complained to me over the years that they feel they have made their interest in a man clearly known, yet he often still misses the signs. That the signs, signals, cues, and clues she has sent him are “obvious” in her opinion, yet rarely does he seem to notice, let alone act of these signs. So why is that? What is
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Appreciating MasculinityIn the 2020s, the media and public perception towards traditional masculinity has been largely presented in negative terms. In fact, a new term has been recently coined, “toxic masculinity”. This term can be basically defined as follows: “The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related
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Attractors with Men: Unwritten Forces at WorkMen. We are pretty simple creatures for the most part. We may or may not be “easy” to deal with, depending on our personality and whatever other issues we may have. But otherwise, we are usually pretty simple. This especially involves what we are attracted to with women. From my experience both as a man and as a therapist seeing these forces at work, there are a few (3) key things that tend to find especially attractive with women. To understand these traits will help women know why they are or
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Attractors with Women: Unwritten Forces at WorkWe are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. That common factor is what leads you to be reading this article at this time. As great as our church is, there are some natural, inherent challenges. In last week’s article I reviewed some common mixed messages that we have to navigate as active members trying to have it all and be it all. In this week’s article, it is not so much that a mixed message is given on this subject, but an incomplete message. In essence what I have
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Attraction on Display: Danny and SandyIn the classic 1978 movie “Grease”, the main characters showcase what powerful male and female attraction is all about. That is mainly why this musical is still highly popular all these decades later. Danny Zuko (played by John Travolta) and Sandra “Sandy” Dee (played by Olivia Newton John) not only have a strong attraction and chemistry together, but they also demonstrate the classic, powerful traits of male and female attraction in general. Being aware of these traits can illustrate and
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A Naturally Excellent WomanOver the years, clients have occasionally asked me who they think represents an ideal woman in the movies. Women have also sometimes asked me who I think an ideal woman is to strive to be like in a relationship and who represents the ideal. Men have also sometimes asked if an ideal woman exists in the movies as well to help them know what to look for and who to choose. I have thought about it and out of all of the women I have seen in the movies, one woman to me represents the ideal woman, wife
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Comparing LooksWhether you are male or female, looking good increases your dating stock immensely. Why? Because looking good increases romance, physical attraction, and sexual chemistry. The more people that are attracted to someone’s looks, the greater the options they will have to pick from in the dating pool. In short, looking good is important in the dating world. It is natural, instinctive, an important part of spark, connection, and giving/receiving affection. To deny the important role of looks in a
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Video Games: The DilemmaVideo games come in numerous formats: Nintendo, Play Station, and X-Box. There are also PC and cell phone games as well. These games are usually played online today with fellow players from all around the world. Such games usually have no end and just build level by level, round by round. Many are “shoot ‘em up games”, others are more strategy oriented. Most cater to boys and men, although many girls and women play them too. However, on average women usually spend more time on social media
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The Simplicity of MenOne of the more challenging things I have noticed women often struggling with is how simple men really tend to be. This usually causes a struggle in the form of confusion, frustration, and contention. As if there is more going on than there is. And yet, rarely is there more going on. In previous articles I reviewed things men tend to want, like, and need in a relationship (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-men-want-3/) as well as things that men want women to know about men
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Common Complaints from MenThis is my 200th short article for LDS Dimension and other associated sites on Facebook. Over the past 4+ years I have written these weekly articles on many different topics and focuses of special interest for single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. As I was considering what topic to write on for this week, I remembered a recent comment made in a men’s Facebook group I was helping with. He basically said he didn’t feel that women even wanted to hear what single men’s
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Admiring the Opposite SexIn the 21st century the media and society often pit men and women against each other, as well as blur and confuse ideas about gender and gender differences. As a result, it is common for men and women today to possess an antagonism towards the opposite sex, as well as a confusion about gender and gender roles/traits. What effect does this antagonism and confusion have on dating and relationships? In short, a bad effect: it is very difficult to connect with and maintain a relationship with a
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Different Ways Men and Women CommunicateThe number one most common complaint I hear from men and women in couples therapy is that they are having difficulties with communication and want to communicate better with each other. In fact, I can’t remember any couples therapy I have ever done with a couple that did not include some version of this same goal. In this article I will review some of the main common differences in the primary gendered ways and purposes (but not the only ways and purposes) men and women communicate, along with
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What Men Want Women to Know About PornographyPornography use among both single and married boys and men in our church—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints—is a very touchy and controversial topic. Seemingly every priesthood session of conference has a talk about the evils of pornography, full of warnings, concerns, and instructions to repent of this evil and seek help. Since 2016, Utah as a state has even declared pornography a major health crisis (see:
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Why the High Inactivity Rate for Men?In a private conversation among general authorities revealed in “Mormon Leaks” (if this source is to be trusted), only about 25% of single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are active worldwide, which sounds accurate. (Source: https://religionnews.com/2016/10/05/leaked-worldwide-only-25-of-young-single-mormons-are-active-in-the-lds-church). Within those 25% active singles, there are about 3 active women for every 2 active men. In other words, there are about 50% more
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