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Why So Much Fakeness and Phoniness with Fellow Church Members?One fascinating observation I noticed when working as a new intern therapist going to Utah State’s Marriage & Family Therapy program in 1996-1998, as well as when I worked at LDS Family Services in 1999-2004 in San Diego was this: while getting to speak to fellow church members behind closed doors in therapy in a confidential setting, I learned what REALLY is going on in their lives. Not the perky good member image given on Sundays or at church activities. Not the wholesome seeming individual
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Hypnosis as a Self-Help ResourceHypnosis can be a useful therapeutic resource to promote change, improvement, and goal achievement. It can be a great way to work on any particular area you know you could spend some time working on. With most issues, cares, concerns, challenges, or problems you have struggled with and know you need improvement with, personally and relationally. When used for therapeutic purposes, clinical hypnosis, our church is OK with hypnosis to promote improvement (as opposed to stage hypnosis, which our
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Overcoming SelfishnessTo be “selfish” is to be overly focused on one’s own wants, needs, feelings, and desires, regardless of how such actions or attitudes may harm or effect another. To be selfish is to do what we feel like doing and not doing what we don’t feel like doing—without consideration for other people taken into account. Therefore, it is no surprise that selfishness erodes and can eventually destroy relationships and marriages. President Gordon B. Hinkley has emphasized fidelity in marriage and well as
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Castaway: A Complete Grieving ProcessOne of the reasons I sometimes suggest that my clients watch the 2000 movie Castaway is because it is the best movie I’ve seen showing a complete grieving process from beginning to end. Tom Hanks plays “Chuck Noland’, a man who survives a plane crash and ends up on an island by himself, trying to survive and escape. This can make for a good illustration for those still grieving their last relationship and help them see how the process progresses and ends. Also, seeing this comprehensive
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Social Anxiety: A Problem to ManageSocial anxiety is a common and troubling challenge among most people, especially single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is often a misunderstood, frustrating issue. Therefore, the purpose of this article is to give a brief introduction to the disorder, as well as offer some ideas and suggestions to help you lessen and control this problem. Social Anxiety can be defined as follows: The defining feature of social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is
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Evolutionary PsychologyEvolutionary psychology is a psychological theory that includes the ideas that men and women are different physically, psychologically, and emotionally in certain key ways. These differences evolved over many thousands or millions of years of human evolution and exist instinctively and genetically because these traits promoted successful survival and reproduction over the years in some fashion. Each complimentary trait somehow helps each gender best promote reproduction, healthy offspring, and
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Virtue SignalingAmong religious members, virtue signaling is pretty common and prevalent. The same could be said among groups of singles. If you combine the two together, virtue signaling becomes commonplace among single members of our church. Why do people do this? Partly because of insecurity, but mainly as an effort to make them more attractive or impressive in some fashion—although the opposite effect often occurs. In single church circles specifically, the aim is often to come across as more spiritual
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Are They Telling the Truth?One big challenge in the dating world: figuring out if you can you trust that a person you are getting to know is telling the truth about themselves. To be fair, everyone is under a decent amount of pressure to put a good foot forward and show their best side in the dating arena. Unfortunately, deception, exaggeration, and straight out lying are common methods used in an attempt to impress others in the effort to find a new relationship. The problem is that if a potential dating partner is
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Comparing LooksWhether you are male or female, looking good increases your dating stock immensely. Why? Because looking good increases romance, physical attraction, and sexual chemistry. The more people that are attracted to someone’s looks, the greater the options they will have to pick from in the dating pool. In short, looking good is important in the dating world. It is natural, instinctive, an important part of spark, connection, and giving/receiving affection. To deny the important role of looks in a
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Improving Your MoodA common challenge for singles is mood. To attract a new dating partner it is important to show an attractive attitude. However, if you are in a depressed or anxious mood, the prospects of attracting another shrink away or even disappear. In an earlier article I wrote about having an attractive attitude. You may wish to read that article later (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/having-an-attractive-attitude-188/). The purpose of this article is to help you improve your mood to not only
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Emotional AffairsTechnology has created many advantages and conveniences in modern life. Having access to endless websites, apps, and social media, and having your cell phone always with you can make life much easier and more convenient in many ways. However unfortunately, technology also allows for other problems to become easier to engage in as well, namely emotional affairs/infidelity. When in a (hopefully) committed relationship, online affairs through one’s computer or cell phone makes cheating easier and
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What to Do While Homebound: Making the Most of Your QuarantineAt the time of this writing (3/15/20) the coronavirus/COVID-19 has led to the shutdown of schools, churches (including ours), and gatherings of over 10+ people. People are basically being asked to stay indoors at home as much as possible and to engage in “social distancing”. These circumstances led me to write this article with some ideas for handling times when you are homebound for any period of time for any reason. Whether you are at home because you are sick, feel too anxious to get out, or
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Encouraging Quotes for SinglesMany times, singles can feel alone, unsupported, perhaps forgotten as members of the church. Therefore, the purpose of this article is to simply be a compilation of various encouraging quotes from conference talks/general authorities to help support singles. These simple quotes speak for themselves, so enjoy. Encouraging Conference Quotes for Singles: Kathleen Lubeck Peterson, Singles and Marrieds: Together in Faith (General Conference, April, 2006): “President Gordon B. Hinckley is mindful
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Finding Worth as a SingleOne of the great emphases of our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is a strong orientation towards marriage and family. Most church talks, videos, and articles emphasize the nuclear family of a husband, a wife, and children. Often, lots of children. This is shown as the ideal to strive for. Things like divorce, being widowed, or never marrying are only discussed as special topics of interest, and only occasionally. So logically, single members of the church often feel
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Anger at GodAs fellow members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we learn early on that the desired, preferred, ideal state is to be married, have kids, and keep a very strong family and family orientation throughout our adult lives. Unfortunately, some people stay single for a number of reasons and have their marital goals frustrated for a time. Some have never married, others divorce, and others still are widowed. So, when someone for whatever reason is single in the church—especially
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Therapy ObservationsAs a clinical psychologist and marriage & family therapist since 1997—and as a fellow member of the church—I have noticed and experienced many things across my 1000s of sessions throughout the years. For my LDS singles audience (um, singles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), there a number of things I wish to share in this article that I think can be of help in your dating and relationship journey. These ideas are simply my opinions and observations, not objective “truth”.
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