No one likes rejection. At least, no one I’ve ever known. Part of the challenge is how it can be taken so personally. When a person has their dating hopes with another rejected, it can be tough to get over. Often, such social rejection can be taken as a complete rejection of the person someone is, even though this is generally not the case. These fears can lead to not only fewer dates and dating efforts, but also avoidance of others in general at church, work, and most any social setting. When this happens, the self-protective part of a person that tries to minimize the risk of hurt and pain supersedes the desire and willingness to connect with others. This fear of rejection can result in skipping events, exciting places quickly, and keeping interactions with others minimal. Eye contact often becomes poor, and such individuals eventually develop a “don’t approach me” look and vibe. So, how can a person overcome this fear? Here are a few ideas:
Ideas to Overcome the Fear of Rejection:
*Practice Affirmations: list, review, and remember the good things you bring to a relationship. Remember the good ways you work to treat others and any other assets you possess. Practice repeating this positive self-talk inside. The more social confidence you have, the less rejection feels overly personal or devastating. When you know you bring a lot to a relationship, it becomes easier to conclude that rejection from others is either their issue or perhaps simply that two people just aren’t a match. Not being a match is fine and is often the case.
*Befriend and Assess: a good way to both get to know others while minimizing rejection fears is to befriend and chat with others for an adequate time before pushing for any dating. As you get to know the other person through conversation and other interactions, you can get an early feel for any chemistry that exists and how much the other person is interested in return. When they get a good feeling of mutual chemistry and interest, only then do you ask the other person on a date. At this point, going out together feels like a natural next step and an almost guaranteed “yes”, rather than a risky, scary endeavor.
*Work on Managing Anxiety: the fear of social rejection is a specific type of anxiety. And like all forms of anxiety, there are things you can do to better manage it. Personal psychotherapy with a licensed therapist can be very helpful, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy. Many self-help materials can be useful as well. I recommend The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne, as well as the classic people skills book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Finally, listening to some hypnosis audio sessions can assist as well. A few related sessions I recommend from www.hypnosisdownloads.com include the following:
https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/relationship-problems/fear-rejection
https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/relationship-problems/rejection-sensitivity
https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/emotional-intelligence/dealing-rejection
*Do A Post-Rejection Analysis: when you experience periodic rejection from someone, what you decide this means and how you interpret it will go a long way to determine how difficult rejections fears will be in the future. When you are honest and fair with yourself about any mistake in your social approach, that is fine. However, beating yourself up, putting yourself down, and catastrophizing the event far worse often create a future fear of rejection that can lead one to avoid future dating opportunities with others.
*Do Some Research: there are ways you can research what a person is like through social media. One thing you can do is to look them up on Facebook or Instagram. By reviewing their posts and profile, you can often assess whether you would be a possible dating fit by what you find there. Observe what they like to do, their background, how they talk to others, and anything else there that can be useful information. If a person allows their social media to be openly viewed by the public, you have as much right to review this personal information as anyone else. Such information can either assist in not getting to know someone that wouldn’t be a match with or be encouraged more than someone would be. Then, the socializing that follows can then be done with greater confidence. Knowledge is power, and the more knowledge possessed about what a person is all about, the less scary and intimidating they can seem.
Final Thoughts:
A big part of lessening the fear of rejection is to first self-assess and know if this fear is a problem for you, and then proactively work to manage and lessen such fears. The ideas in this article can hopefully help a person on their way to lessening any rejection fears. I encourage you to release fears so you can have the dating and relationship success you desire. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2021-12-18 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Psychological health |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).